Video Hoe: Oh Sookie

So Snoop Dogg may be a P-L-A-Y-A, but now he also a vampire nerd. Thats right, in a promotional song (Snoop is no stranger to advertising and sponsor-shit) Dee Double oh Gee seems to be creating True Blood fan fiction through the power of his amazingly tasteful Rap music. HBO's hit TV series True Blood has served its purpose as the sexier side of Vampire pop culture, being described as 'Twilight for sluts', I like to think of it as Twilight for people that aren't Mormon, but I'll take it. Snoopy has also just released a track to be featured on the new NBA game, NBA 2K11. What a massive nerd! So I'm thinkin' S-D is gettin all bored (and broke?) sittin' up in his LA penthouse eatin' cornbread and smokin Maryjane all day.

But Video Hoe is here to analyze the subtle nuances in pop's greatest new videos. So here we go.

The video opens with the theme seeming to be "What would happen if Snoop Dogg visited Bon Temp for a day?" which is very confusing. It's mainly confusing as firstly the HBO series has serious issues with what fucking time period are we in. I mean, they speak with ol' skool southern accents and the only black characters are pretty much retarded. And secondly its confusing because .. why? But when you get over that it heats up. In a similar style to promotional music videos for movies.. most notably would have to be M2M's Don't Say You Love Me, which featured on the Pokemon: The First Movie Soundrack, we see shots from the actual show used as a background in which Snoop does some awful dance moves in front of. Actually they're more like general swagger than dance moves. And there's a pretty nice studded red leather back drop as well. I love how much they reffer to things as 'Tru' in the video (a reference to True Blood's use of the synthetic blood drink called "Tru Blood"). Snoop's number pl8 at the start says "TRU PIMP", and he mentions something about smokin' "Tru Bud" but my fave is when this sexy Fangbangin hoe olds up a bag of "Tru Nutz", spelled correctly ofcourse. I also really love the K-Pop style flashy screens which the Merlott's dancers slut themselves on.

Now the songs itself is amazing. The fan fiction style of it becomes realy apparent here. Snoop is basically confessing his sexy-time feelings for Sookie through the song. Firstly the thought of Snoop and Sookie in a relationship is too funny for words. And then when Snoop implies that he would like to have a threesome with Tara, it becomes obvious that hes not THAT into Sookie. he just likes puss. But anyway, he lures Sookie in by offering her a Maryjane cookie (good rhyme Snoop) and state that he wants to band her in the daytime so Bill won't find out.

I wonder what Anna Paquin or Palanquin or Penguin or whatever her surname is thinks.

The video pretty much speaks for itself actually.. I might juts let you get to it and watch it. Or watch it again and again as I have been.


3.5 / 5 Fangs.

Spotted: It's fuckin' Antwoord!

Die Antwoord are going to be bigger and dirtier than Gaga my little fame monsters, once I educate you there will be no denying their 'Zef' power. They are your favourite band....you just don't know it yet. Personally i've experienced inner turmoil for weeks upon being exposed to Die Antwoord. Is it for real real? Or just for play play? My conclusion is that it is real...real fucking good and funny as shit and they are taking over the interwebs with their funky crunk junk.



Die Antwoord(Afrikaans for 'the Answer') IS the answer because DJ Hi-Tek owns a PC computer and makes next level beats, Ninja has serious gansta skill and Yo-Landi Vi$$er is just a stone cold fox.







Ninja says it best when he raps that he is 'too hot to handle, too cold to hold.' Man I gotta tap that ass. And steal his pants.



Yes you probz nearly projectile vomitted when you realised the little dude cruisin' about in this clip. He is a South African progeria survivor (one of the world's oldest survivors of progeria) and a prominent Cape Town artist named Leon Botha. And his work isn't too bad for a self taught artist. Check out his gansta shit at Leon Botha.

And remember don't ask for cock or you'll get what you ask for.



Here's some vintage shit up in this interweb page.





Still confused? Shakespeare is the poet for your mind and these cunts are modern day poets for your cock man. Hopefully this will enlighten you.



Watkin Tudor Jones or Ninja is a rapper, composer, protagonist, satirist. So that kills the dream a little bit. But Zef does actually exist and he explains that Die Antwoord is a way of "engaging my inner zef, which everybody has. It’s not a persona, it’s an extension of myself, an exaggerated version of myself." To learn more about Zef check out Wat Kyk Jy? the blog.


It's nice to finally be confronted by music rather than just dazzled by Hummers and Cristal flowing off random whores' tit$. You're intrigued but disgusted at the same time aren't you? Good...cause that's the point.

Download their album $O$(spelt correctly of course) immediately from the interwebs with some next level torrent technology. Listen to 'Rich Bitch' it's the song that I can relate to.

Spotted: Ricky Martin Sucking Cock

Ok so no shit right?! Latino dick-throb Ricky Martian finally came out. But I mean if photos like THIS (look up) have been circulumating for ages then why are we even shocked? I for one am not. So apparently he tweeted about being a "fortunate homosexual man" or some shit. Boo hoo. I think tweeting is defiantly on the bottom of the recommended ways to come out. Mummy and Daddy in Peurto Rico (or wherever) probs dnt have iPhones or interwebs to read that shit! So how do they know? Huh!? Whos telling Sinorita Martin that he son loves to pack fudge? That he loves to lick colon, that he loves to dance to GaGa all night long at The Peel and wake up with a glow stick up his arse.. oh wait that was at my friends birthday the other week. Anyway, you get the picture.

Who's next?.. and I'm not looking at you Ian Thorpe.

Bai.

Did that just happen? Or was that the MDMA?: Numero Uno.

Another segment? Why not....take a crazy chance why not do a crazy dance? Dats what H-Duff says. So from now on whenever I find something that I'm not sure whether or not it existed for real real or if I just made it up in mind I shall post it here.


Katy Perry bum humming Ke$ha?

You may wonder how I came across this and it's a simple explanation I typed 'ugly picture of Ke$ha' into Google images. And this is what popped up. Pretty hot. So maybe Ke$ha aint so bad. KP is almost Zooey Deschanel.....just sluttier. I actually thought Ke$ha was a dude.





Escaping Alcadadz.

She was hiding in the elephant hat the whole time! Arghhhhhhmazing. 私は父に誓う強姦されていません。(For youse non Japanese speakers it's Jap for 'I swear my daddy is not a rapist'.)





Tyra gettin' all flustered.

"If my mother yelled at me like this it's because she loved me. Take responsibility for yoself!" Guuurrrrl had no rezpect for T-Banks and so she skooled her. This could also double as Tyra's show reel for a potential Oscar winning role. 'Precious' the Sequel?





Burma: It can't wait....can't wait to have Tila on Burma, all over Burma.

Burma is dealing with ongoing conflict, forced confiscation of land, violence and discrimination and some US campaign thinks Tila is a suitable candidate to help infiltrate they are deluded. All she gonna do in infiltrate wit her fake AZN titties. But she's titties with a conscious I guess.

Video Hoe: I (L) Boylimia

In this brand new segment, "Video Hoe", we will be ANALysing music vids from the intertrons and letting you know if we rate or hate them. Sounds understandably cheesy right? Anyways, were gonne kick it off with a shameless plug of our fave new band CCR.

As mentioned in 'Spotted: Next Big Thing', Camp Camp Rev are a sick new band to have come out of the Melbourne local music scene. Thier Myspace has more info if your keen but now im gonna analyzzee this viddy-vo.

CCR employ two techniques here. Animation, and Babeination. By "animating babes" so to speak, the result is pretty babe. I'm pretty sure these guys got some hardcore filmographers involved on this one.

If you look closely you'll notice the word 'CU*T" pop up in a few frames. Showing that the duo has Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve.. and Talent. And is that not the late Salior Moon theme these kuntz have sampled. Jesus.

Aiight thats enough self promotion. Im gonna go vom off the shame now. But watch it!

Theres nothing else I can say, Eh? Eh?

Spotted: Tila Tequila in Chapel St Gang Warfare

If you are unaware who Tila Tequila is you probably aren't reading this blog, so that's k babe. But if you by some strange chance are then here's the low down. Tila is a topless model turned Myspace sex symbol turned Bisexual turned MTV Celebrity turned big slut that I personally love. She has a certain vibe(rator) about her that screams "i need to be loved". After 2 Seasons of 'A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila' on MTV mid noughties, she still found no true love. I mean whats a Vietnamese born mega babe meant to do?! actually go out and meet people?! Bitch please, those shows should have delivered the goods. Most recently shes been accused of being clinically insane after tweeting and causing on street rampages due to the death of her non-gender specific partner Casey Johnson (of Johnson & Johnson fame), who she was clearly only dating for all the free lube.

So.. we may have paid 28 bucks each to witness Tila Tequila herself visit our humble city. This is how the night unfolded in numbered bite sized chunks..

1. Where Am I?

First off, she stated "I love you Adelaide! (not Melbourne) and then went. SHIT! Oh god I'm in Melborrrnnneee Right?". This meant she was off to a great start. She was clearly intoxicated and on some form of illicit drug which everybody in the room wanted in on.

2. Like A Slut..

One "song" Tequila performed was 'Like A Virgin' of Madonna fame. Im pretty sure she was so wasted she thought she was Madonna. But she didn't even have a proper backing track, that bitch just sang over the top of Madonna. Riiighhhttt. And Virgin? Tila? Nah!

3. Nice Nips.

Her first outfit (Before her 45 min outfit changing and quick anal session interval) was basically a string of beads over her incredibly amazing tits. Even I wanted to lick them titties.

4. Muzak?

I don't think she actually performed a song. Oh! No wait! There was one called 'I Fucked the DJ'. In which she tried to climb up to her DJ and rape him. She is about 2 feet tall BTW.

5. AZN War.

During the night about 10 people were evacuated from the club as there was so much AZN gang violence. I was actually scared for my life. Oh and some guy went ape shit when I spilt my drink on him

6. Conclusion

All in a a pretty heinous night. B- would not buy again, I'm just glad I got to see T-T's T-T's! Hoi hoi hoi. I'm funny.

SILENCE NOW! Be gone with you.

In Too Deep: into Gaga's gaping gash!

Gaga shake yo tit and show us yo clit! Godamn gurl........after watching the video clip/short film for 'Telephone' I wish that I had of created a video reaction like everyone did for 'Two Girls One Cup'. My fuckin' pussy needs a serviette after watching that! Alright I'm just dying to discuss my favourite moments because that was the best 9 minutes and 32 seconds of my life right there....even better than the time I saw Tila Tequila's nip nips.


Exhibit gAy: When we all saw Lady's Ga Gunt. Self explanatory.




Exhibit Beyonce: Watching Honey Bee feed that dirty Gatalian whore. I love watching feeders at work.




Exhibit Ceebs: Some serious headgear. The statement 'All you need is smokes and phone' has been taken to the next level. Pretty sure she got hardcore fingerbanged in that scene by the babe butch dyke. Tegan and Sara better watch out or GaGa is going to steal all their fan fans.




Exhibit Deez: More product placement than you can poke your hermie dick at. The best product placement was defs selling homosexuality. If there are any straight gurls left in the world after viewing this i'll be very surprised. Shit that babe on the right looks alot like my auntie.....bitch never bothered to tell me about this gig.




Exhibit Jaizzzzzz: Relief knowing that Jai from 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' hasn't died from AIDS yet.




I really wish that the batteries in my vibe didn't just die. Guess i'll just have to remember how to drive manual again. Sha-moan?

Linkz:
http://mashable.com/2010/03/11/lady-gaga-telephone-video/

Melbourne Is: Half-Assing.

Hay! Melbourne has always been renounced as the city of tranzport. I mean we gots trams, Adelaide only got 1! Pssh. And of course we're all in immense joy over the newest, kewlest, most high tech, AZN technology money could buy.. or kinda buy and then have not work properly. Myki! Mykee is the new credit card style ticketing system that Melbs is investing in. More like My-not-ki. hoi hoi hoi. Anyway this is my first example of Melbourne being filled with half assed shit. Oh and the uniforms those Myki help people wear are simply disgrosting! Fluro pee-green and blue aint a good match.



My next example is this. If you know what this is and your a Melbournian you're already vomming out your gunt. I know I am. Another try-hard super-future-azn-city-or-just-London idea was a big ol' wheel. These babes were gonna build this big white thing, which they did and it operated for like 2 weeks before the dodge parts from Korea (im sorry guys your musics is amazing but not so much engineering) or was is Japan? either way, it failed epically. H-core. Ka-put!

So seriously guys.. get some motivation, or money or something! Im tired of not having useless peices of infrastructure already! Gimme the key and the wheel and some kind of medal for speeding up the process. screw that, I'm a hero!

Night Y'all.