Jingle Jingle.

Thats right kuntz. Its that time of year, and just a quick little shout out from your fave CelebraBloggers Prof Sam Oak and Whitney Port. We're both off for a bit, Whitneys going to the Maldives before it completely drowns (who cares right?) for some tanning and maybz some cheap hookers and I'm off to Iran to teach under privileged children how to blog.

Oh heres a little pressie from us..



Seish.

Missing b4ybz.

Some sick cuntz stole my baby(fathered by my black up dancer, baby daddy K-Fed) and my sweet ride from Carlton yesterday so if any youse see either of these items please send express post to 123 Swanston St Melbourne VIC 3000 (which coincidently is the address of fashion haus Deborah K). If not I buy dems again off ebay for a reasonable price. I can't be arsed making a missing persons poster. That's gay and people collect them so no one ends up finding your shit anyway in the end.

Melbourne is: Guided Tours.

Recently I visited Sydney as an adult for the first time and well....it was shit. All dems them got is a pointy singin' building, a bridge that costs a shit load to paint and cheap prostitutes at your disposal throughout Kings Cross. And I've never seen so many white people in my life. Sydney is full of those cuntz. Melbourne on the other hand loves/ruvs everybody and we aint afraid to show it. Let's see what our vastly multicultural citizenry thinks about Melbourne.

Melbourne from the Asian perspective.



Melbourne is a shopping paradise....well Footscray is. And Dim Sims now include extrinsic flavours...I thought it was pretty straightforward cat's testicals you can get that from Mr. So Wong at your local market. I wish that sequence went longer. I may or may not have gotten a soy wettie.

The West Gate Bridge is now referred to as 'the belly of the serpentine beast'. But don't worry its cool cause its rather secure. Except when yo crazy daddy is throwing you off. I wonder if there's a re-enactment musical on the bus tour? And Yeah sista watch out Q'Land Melbourne gots some big thangs too. Mostly vacuumm cleaners though. My favourite thing about Melbourne is the disco sector.


Melbourne from the 'i'm tucking into a bit of dead roo' bushranger perspective.



Firstly I needs to say..... I wrote that theme song. Actually I learnt something too....after Israel, Melbourne is the most multicultural country in the world, made up of over 120 ethic groups...we must be well over due for some mass genocide. Come one Australia the world already thinks we're lazy...hop to it. We have clearly finished cleaning up all the roo, crocodile and possum we got...move on to bigger and better things. Let's kill some baybz now.

Not only does music waft out of pubs and clubs the smell of vomit does too ie. At Star Bar, Sundays biggest night. And was that another serpentine reference regarding Melbourne? Wendy your a slut we all know what you love Botanical gardens, because it's perfectly secluded so that you can use Rohypnol(or 'roofies'....thats what all the cool babes call it) on unsuspecting wildlife and digitally rape them.


Melbourne from the Ramsay St perspective.



Who else other than Holly Valance to do Melbourne justice. She is a true Australian treasure and has the experience to back it up. She is the most baybin and qualified hoe to show us what our city has to offer following the years she spent in the gutter out the front of the 'Epsy' in St.Kilda. I almost went bankrupt paying her for wristies. I just knew even then that the gurl had talents. Down boy got to keep it down boy. Okay?


Ps. Prof Sam Oak seriously fuck you and clean up my fucking vomitt like a good wifie.

K-Poop?

So as a new era begins in our lives, welcome to the already too obese blog-o-sphere a new blog! Its called K-Pat and its the prefered child of X+H writer Whitney Port (K-rice). K-rice has decided to explore her love for enimalz and blogs by stalking your unguarded pets and touching them inappropriately before using these sick pornographic images to entertain the masses. What. A. Babe!

But does this mean the end for X+H?! Hells no. Were still kicking even know its mainly me doing all the posting. But this cool. Good ol' K-face got enough junk to fill 2 useless blogs.

So now for my indepth analysis on the K-Pat logo. It starts with the Katy Perry font, downloaded from the interwebs, lightly coated in hair. And actually that's about it. But its pretty hot. Give her a comment about it or something. I hear she likes lemon and sugar crepes. Take her one in and she might even say thanks! he he he.

Ah thats enough, I'm clearly bitter about this whole thing. I miss you K-babe. :(