Another segment? Why not....take a crazy chance why not do a crazy dance? Dats what H-Duff says. So from now on whenever I find something that I'm not sure whether or not it existed for real real or if I just made it up in mind I shall post it here.
Katy Perry bum humming Ke$ha?
You may wonder how I came across this and it's a simple explanation I typed 'ugly picture of Ke$ha' into Google images. And this is what popped up. Pretty hot. So maybe Ke$ha aint so bad. KP is almost Zooey Deschanel.....just sluttier. I actually thought Ke$ha was a dude.
Escaping Alcadadz.
She was hiding in the elephant hat the whole time! Arghhhhhhmazing. 私は父に誓う強姦されていません。(For youse non Japanese speakers it's Jap for 'I swear my daddy is not a rapist'.)
Tyra gettin' all flustered.
"If my mother yelled at me like this it's because she loved me. Take responsibility for yoself!" Guuurrrrl had no rezpect for T-Banks and so she skooled her. This could also double as Tyra's show reel for a potential Oscar winning role. 'Precious' the Sequel?
Burma: It can't wait....can't wait to have Tila on Burma, all over Burma.
Burma is dealing with ongoing conflict, forced confiscation of land, violence and discrimination and some US campaign thinks Tila is a suitable candidate to help infiltrate they are deluded. All she gonna do in infiltrate wit her fake AZN titties. But she's titties with a conscious I guess.
In this brand new segment, "Video Hoe", we will be ANALysing music vids from the intertrons and letting you know if we rate or hate them. Sounds understandably cheesy right? Anyways, were gonne kick it off with a shameless plug of our fave new band CCR.
As mentioned in 'Spotted: Next Big Thing', Camp Camp Rev are a sick new band to have come out of the Melbourne local music scene. Thier Myspace has more info if your keen but now im gonna analyzzee this viddy-vo.
CCR employ two techniques here. Animation, and Babeination. By "animating babes" so to speak, the result is pretty babe. I'm pretty sure these guys got some hardcore filmographers involved on this one.
If you look closely you'll notice the word 'CU*T" pop up in a few frames. Showing that the duo has Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve.. and Talent. And is that not the late Salior Moon theme these kuntz have sampled. Jesus.
Aiight thats enough self promotion. Im gonna go vom off the shame now. But watch it!
If you are unaware who Tila Tequila is you probably aren't reading this blog, so that's k babe. But if you by some strange chance are then here's the low down. Tila is a topless model turned Myspace sex symbol turned Bisexual turned MTV Celebrity turned big slut that I personally love. She has a certain vibe(rator) about her that screams "i need to be loved". After 2 Seasons of 'A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila' on MTV mid noughties, she still found no true love. I mean whats a Vietnamese born mega babe meant to do?! actually go out and meet people?! Bitch please, those shows should have delivered the goods. Most recently shes been accused of being clinically insane after tweeting and causing on street rampages due to the death of her non-gender specific partner Casey Johnson (of Johnson & Johnson fame), who she was clearly only dating for all the free lube.
So.. we may have paid 28 bucks each to witness Tila Tequila herself visit our humble city. This is how the night unfolded in numbered bite sized chunks..
1. Where Am I?
First off, she stated "I love you Adelaide! (not Melbourne) and then went. SHIT! Oh god I'm in Melborrrnnneee Right?". This meant she was off to a great start. She was clearly intoxicated and on some form of illicit drug which everybody in the room wanted in on.
2. Like A Slut..
One "song" Tequila performed was 'Like A Virgin' of Madonna fame. Im pretty sure she was so wasted she thought she was Madonna. But she didn't even have a proper backing track, that bitch just sang over the top of Madonna. Riiighhhttt. And Virgin? Tila? Nah!
3. Nice Nips.
Her first outfit (Before her 45 min outfit changing and quick anal session interval) was basically a string of beads over her incredibly amazing tits. Even I wanted to lick them titties.
4. Muzak?
I don't think she actually performed a song. Oh! No wait! There was one called 'I Fucked the DJ'. In which she tried to climb up to her DJ and rape him. She is about 2 feet tall BTW.
5. AZN War.
During the night about 10 people were evacuated from the club as there was so much AZN gang violence. I was actually scared for my life. Oh and some guy went ape shit when I spilt my drink on him
6. Conclusion
All in a a pretty heinous night. B- would not buy again, I'm just glad I got to see T-T's T-T's! Hoi hoi hoi. I'm funny.
Gaga shake yo tit and show us yo clit! Godamn gurl........after watching the video clip/short film for 'Telephone' I wish that I had of created a video reaction like everyone did for 'Two Girls One Cup'. My fuckin' pussy needs a serviette after watching that! Alright I'm just dying to discuss my favourite moments because that was the best 9 minutes and 32 seconds of my life right there....even better than the time I saw Tila Tequila's nip nips.
Exhibit gAy: When we all saw Lady's Ga Gunt. Self explanatory.
Exhibit Beyonce: Watching Honey Bee feed that dirty Gatalian whore. I love watching feeders at work.
Exhibit Ceebs: Some serious headgear. The statement 'All you need is smokes and phone' has been taken to the next level. Pretty sure she got hardcore fingerbanged in that scene by the babe butch dyke. Tegan and Sara better watch out or GaGa is going to steal all their fan fans.
Exhibit Deez: More product placement than you can poke your hermie dick at. The best product placement was defs selling homosexuality. If there are any straight gurls left in the world after viewing this i'll be very surprised. Shit that babe on the right looks alot like my auntie.....bitch never bothered to tell me about this gig.
Exhibit Jaizzzzzz: Relief knowing that Jai from 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' hasn't died from AIDS yet.
I really wish that the batteries in my vibe didn't just die. Guess i'll just have to remember how to drive manual again. Sha-moan?
Hay! Melbourne has always been renounced as the city of tranzport. I mean we gots trams, Adelaide only got 1! Pssh. And of course we're all in immense joy over the newest, kewlest, most high tech, AZN technology money could buy.. or kinda buy and then have not work properly. Myki! Mykee is the new credit card style ticketing system that Melbs is investing in. More like My-not-ki. hoi hoi hoi. Anyway this is my first example of Melbourne being filled with half assed shit. Oh and the uniforms those Myki help people wear are simply disgrosting! Fluro pee-green and blue aint a good match.
My next example is this. If you know what this is and your a Melbournian you're already vomming out your gunt. I know I am. Another try-hard super-future-azn-city-or-just-London idea was a big ol' wheel. These babes were gonna build this big white thing, which they did and it operated for like 2 weeks before the dodge parts from Korea (im sorry guys your musics is amazing but not so much engineering) or was is Japan? either way, it failed epically. H-core. Ka-put!
So seriously guys.. get some motivation, or money or something! Im tired of not having useless peices of infrastructure already! Gimme the key and the wheel and some kind of medal for speeding up the process. screw that, I'm a hero!
I think i've finally found a fashion trend that Fash Hayley hasn't discovered yet. It's the re-emergence for the mighty bowl cut.......all the cool babez are doin' it.
It's so in. It's so now. It's so the future!
But then I realised it's also our past. How could I have been so naive? The bowl has been the preferred style for most elite celebrities at some point in their career. I highly doubt that success can be achieved without a good bowl.
Sometime even a braided bowl cut works.
Or the gay bowl.
And this is where it all began, on the 96 tram. Because we all know that the peepz that ride this line have the money to look good. Shaaaawty!
