December 24, 2009

Jingle Jingle.



Thats right kuntz. Its that time of year, and just a quick little shout out from your fave CelebraBloggers Prof Sam Oak and Whitney Port. We're both off for a bit, Whitneys going to the Maldives before it completely drowns (who cares right?) for some tanning and maybz some cheap hookers and I'm off to Iran to teach under privileged children how to blog.

Oh heres a little pressie from us..



Seish.

December 5, 2009

Missing b4ybz.



Some sick cuntz stole my baby(fathered by my black up dancer, baby daddy K-Fed) and my sweet ride from Carlton yesterday so if any youse see either of these items please send express post to 123 Swanston St Melbourne VIC 3000 (which coincidently is the address of fashion haus Deborah K). If not I buy dems again off ebay for a reasonable price. I can't be arsed making a missing persons poster. That's gay and people collect them so no one ends up finding your shit anyway in the end.

December 3, 2009

Melbourne is: Guided Tours.

Recently I visited Sydney as an adult for the first time and well....it was shit. All dems them got is a pointy singin' building, a bridge that costs a shit load to paint and cheap prostitutes at your disposal throughout Kings Cross. And I've never seen so many white people in my life. Sydney is full of those cuntz. Melbourne on the other hand loves/ruvs everybody and we aint afraid to show it. Let's see what our vastly multicultural citizenry thinks about Melbourne.

Melbourne from the Asian perspective.



Melbourne is a shopping paradise....well Footscray is. And Dim Sims now include extrinsic flavours...I thought it was pretty straightforward cat's testicals you can get that from Mr. So Wong at your local market. I wish that sequence went longer. I may or may not have gotten a soy wettie.

The West Gate Bridge is now referred to as 'the belly of the serpentine beast'. But don't worry its cool cause its rather secure. Except when yo crazy daddy is throwing you off. I wonder if there's a re-enactment musical on the bus tour? And Yeah sista watch out Q'Land Melbourne gots some big thangs too. Mostly vacuumm cleaners though. My favourite thing about Melbourne is the disco sector.


Melbourne from the 'i'm tucking into a bit of dead roo' bushranger perspective.



Firstly I needs to say..... I wrote that theme song. Actually I learnt something too....after Israel, Melbourne is the most multicultural country in the world, made up of over 120 ethic groups...we must be well over due for some mass genocide. Come one Australia the world already thinks we're lazy...hop to it. We have clearly finished cleaning up all the roo, crocodile and possum we got...move on to bigger and better things. Let's kill some baybz now.

Not only does music waft out of pubs and clubs the smell of vomit does too ie. At Star Bar, Sundays biggest night. And was that another serpentine reference regarding Melbourne? Wendy your a slut we all know what you love Botanical gardens, because it's perfectly secluded so that you can use Rohypnol(or 'roofies'....thats what all the cool babes call it) on unsuspecting wildlife and digitally rape them.


Melbourne from the Ramsay St perspective.




Who else other than Holly Valance to do Melbourne justice. She is a true Australian treasure and has the experience to back it up. She is the most baybin and qualified hoe to show us what our city has to offer following the years she spent in the gutter out the front of the 'Epsy' in St.Kilda. I almost went bankrupt paying her for wristies. I just knew even then that the gurl had talents. Down boy got to keep it down boy. Okay?


Ps. Prof Sam Oak seriously fuck you and clean up my fucking vomitt like a good wifie.

December 1, 2009

K-Poop?



So as a new era begins in our lives, welcome to the already too obese blog-o-sphere a new blog! Its called K-Pat and its the prefered child of X+H writer Whitney Port (K-rice). K-rice has decided to explore her love for enimalz and blogs by stalking your unguarded pets and touching them inappropriately before using these sick pornographic images to entertain the masses. What. A. Babe!

But does this mean the end for X+H?! Hells no. Were still kicking even know its mainly me doing all the posting. But this cool. Good ol' K-face got enough junk to fill 2 useless blogs.

So now for my indepth analysis on the K-Pat logo. It starts with the Katy Perry font, downloaded from the interwebs, lightly coated in hair. And actually that's about it. But its pretty hot. Give her a comment about it or something. I hear she likes lemon and sugar crepes. Take her one in and she might even say thanks! he he he.

Ah thats enough, I'm clearly bitter about this whole thing. I miss you K-babe. :(

November 23, 2009

Spotted: BAYBZ







Taken from the new collection of art garments by (kinda?) famous fash designer Charlotte Webb, comes these amazing photos released just moments ago. Modeling the collection, celebrababes Lil'-Lo, and S-Rida present themes such as Hope, Destiny, and of course.. Cyrus.

The shoot, which we had spech back stage priviliges too, went smoothly, exepct for a few diva moments by our famous models. Lil'-Lo demanded fried chicken at one point, to be serevd with white rice and grape soda. Her request was ofcourse processed, but the work experience kid took 20 minutes to return from the nearest KFC, causing uproar.

We'll be seeing more from these boganistas soon.

November 15, 2009

Melbourne Is: Culture



Sup homies and holes!

Who's the real vulture? Culture? Or the vulture? I'm not too sure about this conundrum, and either do Footsrcay based hip-hop group BANGS. And why would they, there too busy rolling in money and women, not to mention going on classy dates involving the movies and 2 for 1 Whoppers. They're the freshest new face on the Melbourne hip-hop scene. Hailing from Sudan (cultural) they intend on takin' gurlz to da moviez, being babez, and general just 'tude.

I love that Melbourne is so multicultural. I mean some days i'll walk into an asian store and find something at least half decent and smile to myself. We even have an entirely Asian run pretzel store in Melbourne Central station. And its really shit too.

But enough about Asia. Its Sudan's turn. These fresh of the boat hotties have even directed this amazing clip to their new hit song 'Take U To Da Movies'. Its kind of like Jay-Z meets Footscray Community Centre. I'm also feeling there deep cultural roots in this song too, making it even more cultural..They're almost celebrablack. Does this mean they carry celebraguns? Hell no, there aint enough faux five dollar notes in the blue screen backgrounds of they're clip to buy one round of ammo. Snap.

Im off to buy some XXL t-shirts and shutter shades bling from Hip Hop Master. If you also want this look visit them at 6A Paisley st Footscray. Shit yeah.

November 7, 2009

Silver Cigarette award for excellence in: Wig Design



Introducing JONTE'.

Yes you may remember him from various Beyonce video clips or even his first hit single 'Bitch U Betta'(click here to check that out). This bad ass androgynous muthafukka will sensory rape your eyes, and then make your ass bleed just a little bit, all in 9 inch heels. But my favourite thing about JONTE' (besises that he speaks fluent Yapanese) is that he manages to maintain a masculine image consistently, even though he ware make-up and heels. I'm fuckin' scared of him.

I also apresh his name. J-O-N-T-E-' (very important not to forget the '). His success in Yapan probably stemmed from this name spelling choice. These babes are infatuated with the very thought of touching JONTE' that they seem to be creaming there pants as he dances (and sings?). Also my fave line in the song is "Yeah I tuck my dick, but it's still there chillin'". Its awesome. He babe.

Thats about it. Vote for me on Idol.

November 3, 2009

Euroshit: Düsigñér Labéls


Bergen, Norway



Kaunas, Lithuania


So why does Europe have to be so classy and trashy at the same time? I'm not entirely sure but I think it has something to do with Gicci. Norway's finest boutique. The shoppers of Gicci can expect quality and design for an affordable price, you can even smell the sweat from the hideous Filipino children who spent minutes crafting the seams which will inevitably split due to the amount of rolls these chubby Norwegians have (probs from all the whale they consume).

In Kaunas's highly regarded shopping mall, Akropolis, which features an indoor ice-skating rink (surrounded by cheap restaurants so people laugh at you when you fall), aquarium escalator and bowling alley that serves beer in tubes lies a secret! The very designers Versace and Gucci have visited the upper level car-park! Not only visited either, they seemed to have had an interest in street art before becoming multi-billion dorrar designers.

Thats all, you can go shave your back now.

November 1, 2009

Cumercialized.

'Don't judge too quickly', I haven't become completely lazy by posting ad commercials I just believed that everyone must see these bad boys. If only we had quality ads to fill in the time between Ladette to Lady and infomericals about Thun Lizzy's Sux in 1(Thin Lizzy's 6 in 1). I don't have a mortgage but i'm sure if I did I would be calling up Ameriquest.


#1

No one likes a bloody pussy. Am i not right guuuurls?



#2

I'm just going to eat this shit and take a shit. Confusing.



#3

Daddy-o's and Pedos are same thing?



#4

If that killed your love for x&h....I ceebs to care.

October 27, 2009

In Too Deep: Size Matters

So. Its been forevs since an 'In To Deep' has graced your expensive wanky Macbook screens. So I decided to go out on an abstract limb and produce one about size. Size isnt a place or a thing or a size.. its an attitude, and as you will learn it comes in many forms. The scale i'm using to judge these size related hilarities is "inches". As i see it fits. And I like making cock references. The more inches it gets the more it deserves to be on this site as a size related thing.

Exhibit A: Novelty Over Size iPhone.



Yes. A rare breed indeed. These macro iPhones were developed by the corrupt Chinese government to attract babes through tourism, then to rip them off when they pay 20c for a photo and then learn it is infact not a real iPhone. I was pretty excited it was 20 degrees in Tokyo when I saw this bad boy hangin' out at the mall. He kindly let me take a photo with him (must be a hard life as a celebradyke [especially one with celebraAIDS]).

Inches : 6"


Exhibit B: Paris Hugeton.



If you haven't heard already you're probs a lesbian or live in a third world country that doesnt even have novelty over sized iPhones yet (pssh lames). PH her-hot-self has coined a new phrase. Coined here means took an exsisting word, made it sassy-sexy-cool and now all of teen-hollywood jiz all over it. Its 'Huge'. As in "Huge" is the new "Hot". So now all you have to do is call people huge and your an instant babe. One word of advice though, steer clear of refering to your token fat friend in such a manner. Shes vulerable right now.. as I raped her.

Inches: 17 1/2"

Exhibit C: Refer to Exhibit D

Exhibit D: Micro Dolphin Breeding.


Yums. Have you ever wanted to take a dolphin, make it mini, dep fry it and brand it as a packet of chips?! OMG right, me too. So now its reals. I have decided to forget about modeling and go for my dream of becoming a Micro-Doplh breeder! In stores soons.

Inches: Babe"

October 21, 2009

Spotted: Eat, Sleep, Shit?



AHHH! Hey there pathetic bored losers, its been ages that I've posted as unlike you I have an awesome life filled with joyus things that keep me busy. Like my new boyfriend (my iPhone that is) Anyways, It happened a while ago now but when I saw it, it was fresh. Its Janice Dickinson making an absolute ass of herself on Finland's Next Top Model. Now as we all watch FNTM religiously I'm sure you've seen it.

But for those weirdos that don't have any taste in TV progamming, here it is to check out.

I love how she refers to modelling as a thing you have to eat, sleep and shit. Well duh. I mean its just like that time I got AIDs and I literally eat, slept and shat it. Infact I eat, sleep and shit many things.. like the product of that cup left over from those 2 Brazilian girls in that viral video.

I also love how she abuses the girls who are clearly hotter than she ever was. Gimme a Fin over J-Dick anyday. The chick who has the messy room.. big babe. But I guess they did get the real scoop on the modelling industry.. its fucked.

Now in another video, that I cant seem to find (i deplore you) she falls down the stairs, abuses the girls some more calling them "dumb model bitches" and then explains what happened the next day. And of course its just that she mixed up her "vitamin C tablet" with a "headache pill" and then may have had a few "sips" of "champagne". Thats its cunts, if "off".

October 16, 2009

Fash Train: Stop 1.

A new segment aoooooo!!!!!!
Fash train highlights our most treasured moments of our public transport week. What's hot and what's not.

Day 1. Saturday. TramPARTY.

'Twas an average Saturday night. Everyone was out, slutted up and ready to get wasted. But the peeps at New Workers Club that night had a dirty secret! They were congregating for a special locomotive event planned for the West Preston 112 tram at approx 11pm. It was Take Away show meets Flash Mob but better than both put together. As it went down everything that we hoped would happen did. The Pecocks played at the special event, a guy somehow managed to crowdsurf on a packed moving tram, someone smoking some green, and so many people jumping that the tram was bouncing off the tracks. We made it 2 stops before the lights went out and the tram driver asked 'everyone get off the tram now'. Basically we pissed of and bemused alot of innocent passengers and it was worth it!


Here is the band singing their litte hearts. Not that we could hear shit from where we were.


The beautiful and crammed people.


Innocent tram travellers. The babe to the right must have just put her shirt back on She was going wild seconds before that.


So then after being kicked off the tram these kuntz started dancing with the zebra busker who takes song requests.



Day 2. Monday. Staring down science fiction novels.



Some kunt trying to conjure some anal rapist elf out of his World of Warcraft cheat book. Actually is he one of the guys in my 3D Modelling class that was talking about swords. FYI 'if a sword has a design on the blade it is no considered a weapon but it still needs to be behind glass'- Freak from class.



Day 3. Wednesday. Train arrest at Glenferrie.

'I apologize we will have to stay at Hawthorn station for a few minutes, a passenger on a train at Glenferrie is ill and requires assistance'-Train Driver.
Yeah sure Mr. Train driver you make Megan from OzGirl look like a convincing actor. We couldn't figure out why this would hold us up at Hawthorn for so long. Sam concluded that it was an excuse for someone committing suey infront of the train ahead and that was why. 10 minutes go by, still no movement and I ask loudly to a silent train, 'Seriously how long does it take to scrap blood and guts off train tracks?' Lolz.
But wait now we have police in bullet proof vest searching the train. -'Um should be panic?'-Whitney -'Fuck it let's grab that other train'.-Professor Sam.

Professor Oak trying to piece everything together.


I'm pretty sure that they ended up arresting this babe.



Soz it's been a while. 'I'm gonna kill the sun!!!!"
xo

September 14, 2009

Spotted: Bronson.. All Grow'd Up?



What is going on. My favourite childhood characters are all turning into trashy sluts or lame shuffling Corey Worthington wannabes. Sigh. First Vanessa Hudgens, now this?! All those times I thought i could relate to Bronson (lovable lil' redhead from Round The Twist) through his ups and downs in my favourite beach-side town.. its all over.

Seriously this clip makes me wanna vom just a little. Its just like when Carson was on Big Brothet a few years ago and they all went crazy. And I was all like 'kuntz please', its Carson, who gives a shit. But then you actually do kind of a shit. And you wish you didn't.

So if shuffling (non-Melbournian readers should Wikipedia 'Melbourne Shuffle') wasn't lame and weird enough, chuck in a D-grade child celebrity and you make it worse! Remember that kids.

I just want his mom to come out going 'BROOOONSSOOOONN!' and slap him on his lilly white ass.

September 12, 2009

In Too Deep: V-Hudge Career Moves.

Vanessa Hudgens is the hottest and tightest piece of arse getting around right now. Forget our past scanda-whores divas Britney, Paris and Mel Gibson. It's all about the V-Hudge! She's hanging around now like a sticky piece of shit on your toilet bowl, no matter how many times you flush, it's still there. This bitch is popular and will keep getting paid..... most likely in digital camera memory cards. Due to her history in 'flash' photography this segment will be rated in 'flashies'.

*'Flash' photography meaning getting naked not artifically lit photography.


Exhibit A: Film-Thirteen
Flashies: 5.7

Thirteen was infact Vanessa's debut film....not bad for someone who moved onto the faggy pseudo-musical series that is High School Musical. I love musicals and this was the only one I couldn't bare to watch. Absolute filth, Judy Garland must be turning in her grave. Well its either about that or she realised Liza Minelli was actually her genetic daughter. Vanessa played Noel who was Tracey's(Evan Rachel Wood) best friend from across the street...before she became a tramp.




Exhibit B: Solo music
Flashies: 9 and ¾

Vanessa always makes sound decisions when it comes to her career. Especially when it involves fluro sneakers. Yay shameless plug for Ecko. I love when songs are written for products. Like 'Ring of Fire' for the popular hemorrhoid-relief commercial. Example in video form below.



'Basically what we gonna do is dance"....wise gurl.



Exhibit See: Rock, paper, scissor tournaments
Flashies: 33

Alright so they have rock, paper, scissor tournaments on Disney now, between the notorious 'good-but-bad' girls Vanessa and Miley. If only this was a contact sport and Vanessa jammed her arm down Miley's throat removing her larynx and feeding it to Pluto as an afternoon snack. If you can't be bothered watching all the video it's cool Vanessa wins. Zac mentioned that she had pretty quick hands. Youse kuntz don't even know.





Exhibit D: Nudie shots
Flashies: 169.99

All things considered, another nude photo scandal is probably a hell of a lot better for her career than starring in her new film 'Bandslam.' Seriously, if diarrhea could be transposed into film reel, they’d call it 'Bandslam.' I think it’s safe to say that we’d all rather see her barely legal boobies than that piece of shit.



She really should be taking this guys advice.

September 7, 2009

Hitler Has AIDS.

It's official. Well according to a new German ad campaign, which for some reason has caused controversy. I personally think that sex with a Nazi wouldn't be that bad, I mean who doesn't love an aggressive blonde? Maybs not with Hitlers lame mo. But come on, the Germans so need this kind of thing to show that they aint heavy and that free speech still has some meaning in their sausagey society, right? Yeah you would think that.



Of course I first heard about this in my favorite hard news publication, mX. They seems to just think this was a big controversy and stated that they love a good controversy. Like in the Glam&Goss section where you get a wiff of a new celebrity snatch each train ride home. If anything, I think that mX had AIDS.

Now what;s with the lame chick pretending you semi enjoy this faux-rape experience? BP, I could do a better job of that blindfolded. There is also a video version of the ad but it keeps getting removed from YouTube, now thats what I call fascism. So you will have to source it yourself which may be difficult but its worth it to see H-dog get his dick wet like we've wanted to for so long.

Loves it, Later!

September 5, 2009

Melbourne Is: Fashion.



What the fuck. Ok so, its Melbourne Fashion week, and Im mega excited. Not for the fashion, or the event at all, but because the whole city fills with mega fashionbabes and all my favourite fashbloggers start circle jerking over the festivities. I think that we can see a few trends (or trenz) coming up this season and I will now explore these.

The first is Asian. This is now a fashion choice. It involves wearing dark hair, squinty eyes and awesome attitude where you can get away with saying things like "babes" and "kawaii" and not have people throw shit at your face.

The next is black. Not the race this time, the shade. Everyone seems to be depressed or some shit coz all i'm seeing on these fashion hoez is black. Sometime a dark beige or grey to accompany. Combined with the previous fashion trend you get a deadly Melbourne fashion combination. Sounds yummy.

The next is holes. Just cut them in all your clothes for instant cool. Im thinking of doing to my best prom dress even.

Another up-coming trend is platinum. I myself recently bleached the shit out of my hair and am now paying the repocusions as I scare people. But babeblooger Fashion Hayley (referpost: In Too Deep: Twitter [august]) It reppin this trend harcore. Shes combining it with Black, the second of my found trends effectivly.

Im also loving plaid. Lauren Conrad, fave ex-Hills celebrity knows this too. Were seeing plaid evereywhere right now. Street corners, my butt, even on the staircase.

Thats all. Get away from me.

September 3, 2009

Talk To Strangers!

Even take candy from them! This is amazing. Brace yourself. I am obsessed. Its http://www.omegle.com where basically you are paired with another sad random from across the globe who feels like a random chat. Move over mX heres looking at you, communication just got weirder. But I feel like this is less public and with less Indians.

I also love that there is an iPhone app for it. Jesus I should just quit my job right now and sit in maccas all day using their free WiFi and talking to weirdos. :)

My goal is to find love using this website. So i tried.. a few times heres a transcript of my best try.

You: hey, into korean pop?
Stranger: eh, not so much
Stranger: dont really know what it is
You: oh you should!
You: its hot right now
Stranger: in korea?
You: its the new japanese pop
You: so.. we still on for netball next saturday?
Stranger: netball?
You: yeah
You: we had that game planned
You: is this michelle?
Stranger: yeah
You: oh hey babe
Stranger: hey sweetie
You: its dave!
Stranger: Dave?
Stranger: whats up
You: so.. i was thinking. my parents are out of the house tomorrow night!
You: wanna come over
You: and study?
Stranger: what time, i have to work 12-7
You: 6:59 ill be naked
You: ;)
Stranger: ill try to get out early
You: you betta
Stranger: buttsex is my favorite
You: yums
You: ill bring extra butt
You: he he
Stranger: ill bring extra sex
You: what a good deal
Stranger: maybe you caan give me the old arabian goggles
You: yummmm
You: again?
You: boring
Stranger: i know...lets do the slappy dave....how fitting
You: hehe
You: i wanna fist you so bad right now
Stranger: double fists
You: :)


As you can see. Its weird as. I highly suggest you jump on my band wagon asap. you wont regret it yet.

August 31, 2009

Spotted: She Wolf in disguise.



No it's just Shakira. You remember Whenever wherever we're meant to be together.....
Does everyone not feel like they just had sex with Shakira and it was the hottest love making they have ever experienced in their lives? The song actually sounds like it should be CSS featuring Shakira. The bass line is grade A porn that you can squeeze out of a tube! Not to mention the dick slappin' guitar and the booty droppin' drum beat.

However there are no way near enough galloping horses or shots of Shakira trapsing through mud on her hands and kness like in Whenever, Wherever but wait.....there is an asymmetrical leotard. God damn I need to commission someone to make me a leotard in the exact same fashion as Shakira's (minus the crouch....cause I just split that anyway).

Another thought....did anyone else ask why is that guy sleeping next her NOT ripping all of her clothes of by his teeth? Even I feel compelled to do horrible things to her vagina. Note to self I need a dancing cage. Aaaaaaaaooooooooo.

Oh yeah and there's even a lame parody video. There's always a lame parody video!

August 30, 2009

Spotted: Waluigi and Bulbasaur in Illegal Sex Tape



Bitch Please. It looks like Bulba-slut has done it again, but this time with inter-special partner Waluigi. The Bizarro super character stated that the video ".. was not meant to be released". Bulbasaur, 24, Is no stranger to negative media attention after an intense affair with tween star Zac Efron last fall. The affair mounted suspicion into the Efron v. Duff case, in which pop-lebrity Hilary Duff sued Efron over claims her child was actually his. It looks like Bublasaur can't get out of the flash bulbs this week as new rumours surface regarding the infamous tape. To view the full tape, click here for full HD quality footage. The tape, starring the two, was found by Nintendo star Daisy who claims to have stumbled across the tape whilst cleaning Luigi's castle. Allogations have been made towards Daisy saying that she is behind the scandal, using it as another cash scam. Whatever your side, it looks like the two wont live it down being seen in public together twice since the incident.

August 28, 2009

Spotted: Heidi Montag Commits Suicide on Stage!



Jesus Christ. Heidi's really done it. She's gone. Forever. Well not really, but you get the point. This dreadful performance made Heidi talk of the town a few days ago when it aired around the world. My concerns lie mainly in costume selection, the song itself, the fact that I know Spencer Pratt (her awful hubby; refer post 'Spencer Pratt Totally Looks Like Shaving Fun Ken') produced the song, the back up dancing, her 90's style microphone a la Britney Spears (come on, in 2009 I'm sure technology could produce a slightly smaller less intrusive mic, and she obviously i'snt using it!), and her plastic surgery just to name a few things I noticed.

But at least her hair extensions of a tampon string didn't flop out like some of Britney's recent 'Circus' tour shows. But that would have been awesome. Well I'm off to bleach my ass. Later.

August 27, 2009

Reel Review: Clam Slam



'Don't miss out on life. Always do the thing that scares you most.'


Nice tag line Clam Slam. But what scares me the most is the possibility of seeing this movie again. For Vanessa it must be getting nude that scares her the most...and she has well and truely gotten over that.

Never in my life have I seen a tween/teen film that tackles so many themes. I'm still not completely sure how I feel about it. I might even be under qualified to discuss 'Clam Slam'.




The various themes tackled are:

Substance use-We hear that a man(aka DUI's dad) would drink on his lunch hour and that he is in jail for killing a young boy when he was driving under the influence.

Profanity-A teen boy says, 'He likes the girls that got the junk'.

Sexual themes-Ex-Cheerleader turned band slut climbs in the bedroom window of DUI's, and tickles him on his bed; his mother(aka Phoebe from friends) enters the room and looses her shit so it's time for her to leave.

Animal cruelty-DUI pats V-Hudge like a dog.

Fetish-A young boy in day-care eats paste several times.

Incest-Pheobe aka Mum walks into the bathroom where DUI is taking a shower to ask about his day and god forbid we see his bare shoulder. Ugliest leading man ever.

Pulling the dead parent card-Ex-Cheerleader turned band slut blantly uses the dead daddy card to win a 'who can guilt the other more fight' with DUI.

Name-calling- These are the various names people are called: Dui, maniacs, morons, monsters, weirdo, idiots.

References to decent bands- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Belle and Sebastian, Patti Smith, David Bowie, Velvet Underground etc.



Now specifically focusing on V-Hudge's performance. Clam Slam really sees her breaking out from her past role as Gabriella in High School Musical. Clam Slam is about high school students, music and faux acting. Oh shit...I just realised they are exactely the same. The big difference is that V-Hudge plays an emo type character. She even goes as far as creating a verbally-monotone, book-loving misfit persona for this role. I'm considering changing my name to Whit358ney(but the numbers aren't silent). Check it.




I'm excited to see what they will do in the sequel, or prequel depending on how far they can stretch Vanessa's Clam.





As Margaret I give Clam Slam, 3 out of 5 Clam's.

August 26, 2009

Reel Review: Vanessa Hudgens and her Chamber of Secrets

David's (Professor Samuel Oak) Review:

Bandslam opens with potential. We meet angsty broody teen Will Burton and are transported to his pathetic world of awkwardness, shit name dropping musical conversation, and hot mum Lisa Kudrow. But this potential is quickly ruined by V-hudge. Playing it coy, she introduces herself to Will by writing her name on a piece of paper like this "Sa5m" to then proclaim "the 5 is silent". But the film goes to places where previous tween-flick idols such as Frankie Muniz and Amanda Bynes have never been before. Driving Under the Influence, sociopathic methods of getting what you want, and David Bowie all feature heavily in this film, along with an surprisingly shit soundtrack. I was expecting more of a HSM vibe with dancing and pop-rock tunes that stick into your skull like chewing gum to pavement, but no! It was like shit soft-ska elevator music that had no spice. So I'm gicing this film 2 and a half DUI's, as I much preferred the 1950's original starring me and Audrey Hepburn.

August 23, 2009

Oprah has over 9,000 Penises

A while back Oprah (or Harpo as I like to call her) made the huge error of making a whole special show about something people said on her message boards, obviously just to rile her up. As we all know, Oprah hates pedophiles, and penises, so what better way to rile her up than mentioning a pedophile network that has over 9,000 of them systematically raping children. Check this shit out:



But!! As if that wasn't enough, the culture jamming Youtube population have decided this is worthy of a good remix. Here's probs the best one (featuting Pedobear himself!)



That is all.

August 22, 2009

Silver Cigarette Award for excellence in: Styling.

The winner is LC, Lauren Conrad.....Beef Curtains? (a less than flattering nickname which 'refers to the size/shape of a womans vagina' bestowed upon her by Mr. Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt.)

LC is an American television personality, actress, celebutante, author, fashion designer and year round Movember advocate (explanation within post).

She debuted on MTV's reality show Laguna Beach which led to her spin-off show The Hills, which follows her personal and professional life as she pursues a career in the fashion industry. Lauren's fashion conquest begain with rigorous study at the Academy of Art University of San Francisco and the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising. Naturally she landed an internship at Teen Vogue (without any persuasive help from a TV network) then soon graduating to People's Revolution; a public relations, branding and marketing firm. Coincendently I (Whitney Port) worked at both places with LC however I was significantly more talented because I now live on the East Coast on the Gossip Girl set and I work for world class hoe and fashion designer Diane von Fürstenberg.


ConRAD's key styling looks are PLAID and MOUSTACHE. Her fashion inspiration comes from two sources; Al from Home Improvement and Marcia Brady. Al and LC both wear plaid and a beard. And you'll notice that LC stole Marcia's face, featured here also wearing plaid.




PLAID
Lauren consistently wears plaid shirts....sometimes even plaid dresses. For your pleasure I have created a photo mosaic using various images of her wearing plaid, a task that has taken me days to execute but it was worth it. Click into the image for a larger view and check out this plaid clad freakshow. Or simply type 'Lauren Conrad Plaid' into Google Images, you'll too be in awe at how much plaid one person can own.




MOUSTACHE
Our personal fav styling tip is moustache. LC has made them accessible for all genders and all styles. She rocks a moustache with plaid shirts, dresses, bikinis, mini skirts and more. There is no denying that LC has a moustache, episode after episode we have never made it through a whole one without mentioning her stache. We have evidence to prove that we aren't being dramatic. On the left is her natural moustache look and the other is a more enhanced moustache look. Next time you watch the Hills take note. Dark lighting can't be the reason everytime!



Congratulations LC, you are well on your way in becoming famous in the world of faux-fashion styling. We award you 5/5 Moustaches for your efforts.

August 20, 2009

Spencer Pratt Totally Looks Like Shaving Fun Ken



Its True! I may have stolen this from 'TotallyLooksLike.com' but who cares! Pratt, recently married (for the 3rd time) to Hills babesse Heidi Montag (now Pratt as its the obvious surname to choose) has always thrilled us with his amazingly gross facial hair, and now hes being recognized! great!

But the real issue here is TotallyLooksLike.com, which is fucking stupid. There is one that's the Google Chrome logo looks like a vintage Simon Says Game. Obsure, Random, Boring. I hope 'The Pierces' (refer post Spotted: Boring girl band) dont find out about this website, they would be totally bored. But they would also be bored by a vampire sevenssome with nio condoms and dirty heroin needles on top of a Mongolian hut. Yawns.

So anyways, Im like totally getting an oxygen facial. Later.

August 17, 2009

In Too Deep: Koreanese Pop

So. It may be no secret that I am Asian. Well on the inside. I have the body of a Latino and the penis gurth of a black man. Yet I have always been drawn to the Asian persuasion of life. This doesn't stop at deliciously cheap hand rolls and SNES porn, it also breaths itself into my eardrums, inciting an appetite for equally as cheap music. I am now about to investigate my most recent obsession: Korean Pop. Korea itself is pretty awsome as it is, With thier northen neighbours giving them a bad rep, they really do just want to record MSG filled bubbleicious music like the rest of the world. Granted it's not a out-there and franetic as Japanese Pop, Korean pop hold the interest in awsome use of English lyrics, slighty more conservative (than Japan) costumes and outfits, and sweet electro beats. They seem to love hip hop too. The system for rating in this case will be none other but the kim-chi's (Not only named after the delicious Korean pickled cabage but my late puppy whom was hit by a car of the same name.). The more kim-chi's awarded to a K-Pop group the more K-ool they are. And that's a K for Korea.

Exhibit A: Wonder Girls - "So Hot"
Kim-Chi's: 4.7


Wonder Girls are pretty old skool. They've been on the K-scene for a while, with other hit songs such as 'Stupid'. But 'So Hot' seems to have the most western appeal so I put it first to lull you slowly into K-Pop, think of it as the roofy I slip into your beer before dragging you the the club toilets and inevitably raping you. This song (feat 'JYP') is so fucking coy that you'll feel naughty yourself just witnessing it. They seem to be flirting with the camera men, eachother, and the shit male actors employed to make them seem more accessable, and bangable. Evene though at times they pretend to hate the male attention. Whoops! The chick that raps is pretty good too, but I'm longing for more with the Wonder Girls, they are basically cock teasers and are so small they can fit in the size of a novelty pink gift box, where they seem to live.

Exhibit B: Rain - "Rainism"
Kim-Chi's: 25



Now you may already recognize Rain from such films as Speed Racer and the upcoming Ninja Assasin, but he's been on the K-pop circuit for ages now, recently living between the states and K-rea for film work. This song has been chosen to represent him as it has a great name, I mean come on. But he's very cute. And the lyrics of this are ridiculous. We get it, you're a naughty boy or whatever. But I can't get over how fucking long it takes to get into the song, you always find these K-artists giving there video clips like 2 minute intros, its so dramatic. Fuck. Also is he channeling MJ in his dance moves?

Exhibit C: Tasha - "Black Happiness"
Kim-Chi's (mixed with fried chicken): 54.8



Tasha, you're gonna love this, is actually a half black half Korean singer/rapper, which gives her instant cred. this Lauryn Hill vibe she gives off (but in Korean) can be confusing, but once that roofy I gave you earlier settles in you'll chill out and realize shes awsome. How good is this song title too?! Black Happiness is so fitting for this bi-racial butterfly. It seems like Beyonce has some cometition if this bitch starts recording in English.


Exhibit D: 2NE1 - "Fire" (Street Version)
Kim-Chi's: 69



Now we're getting to the good stuff. 2NE1 have me under there spell for sure. Each with their own distict personality, these girls rap, sing and basically just look awsome constantly. My fave is the slighty manly voiced once who is wearing a long shirt with the sphinx on it wearing shades. yeah-a! But runner up is the super-coy one who looks like she just ditched the Wonder Girls to join 2NE1 coz shes so purdy and shy. The lyrics of 'Fire' are sassy too to match the slickness of the CGI that must have cost mills of Korean Wons. 2NE1 (side fact) are all actually 21 in age, so whe you say 2-N-E-1 its like a lame sentence that doesnt mean anythign, but if you say it fast it's like saying thier age. Im confused too, they obviosly have a better grasp of our language than us.

Exhibit E: BigBang / 2NE1 - "Lollipop"
Kim-Chi's: :O



What could make 2NE1 cooler? Boys! Add the super Japnese/Korean pop fivesome 'Big Bang' and you get this amazing clip. I have watched this like 400 times in the last week. Its incredible. The guy with the tres cool nerd glasses and faux leather red jacket is a babe, and the rocketship dance move where all the guys around him burst away by his sheer K-power is intense. Its pretty funny too how they almost always say 'Rorrypop' in each chorus (actually they say rorrypop in the verses too, in fact its pretty much all they say). But Rorrypop is such a great track that you can expect me to put it on at a party sometime soon, so start learning the dance moves.

Exhibit F: BoA - "I Did It For Love"
Kim-Chi's: 10,000



Ok so, This is the shit. Granted that this song is on BoA's (or Beat Of Asia as the 'clever' name means) US released album, its till massive in Korea and shes still pretty Korean last time she checked (as in a pap smear). 'I Did It For Love' is so catchy its dangerous, in fact viewer digression should be advised, if you don't want K-pop in your brain for the next 10 years, dont play this video. No do! I love the Alex Mac meets Janet Jackson vibe from this clip; there's people melting into piles of goo and loads of black leather outfits and dancing in the rain. But BoA was not hit with a violent amount of GC161 when she was a child (well maybe her gyno will tell her), but shes just naturally sexy and awesome. BoA releases shit in a few of the other Asian power house countries but this song (all in English if you didn't realize) is probs my fave. She even gets her own random black guy sitting on a car to add flavour much like one would add the flavoring sachet to their K-noodles. I'm giving BoA maximum Kim-Chi's and a blow ob after the show, I'm almost as wet as her at the end of the clip!

Now that i've got that out of my system I promise never to do it again.

안녕 (annyeong!!)

Melbourne Is: Crime

I was sitting in a lecture theater filled will moaning beige students (plus me and Whit) whilst reflecting on my past pains and hurts, and it occurred to me. She the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. Its you Whit. I want to be Mr. Port. If only her last post didn't make it so obviously clear that I had fallen in love with a lesbian. While I was recovering from this thought (still in the beige lecture theater), I opened up my ears to listen to the "lecturer" talk.

She began by saying .. "you could write about anything.. even an international student.. being bashed."

The comic timing and placement of the words made this hilarious, and we all had a giggle, and come on, international students are funny anyway and so are bashings. So as our laughter escalated, some beige skank behind us claimed

"That's not even funny.. That's serious"

We then let out a huge chuckle at the hilariousness that was this beige girl. Anyway, this ond introduction brings us to today's 'Melbourne Is' topic.. Crime! Apparently Melbourne is becoming a dangerous metropolis in which one can't even walk down the streets without encountering a serial rapist like pictured below..



So.. is this true? We hit the streets to find out. Not really, I'm gonna make this up.

Aali (22, international student) hails from Nepal. He moved here 2 years ago to pursue a career in buisness management and accounting (geez, original Aali!!). Anyway Aali was recently taunted and bashed by a group of thugs, see below picture..



And barely survived. Oh Aali is also a taxi driver and he was semi-stabbed in a Taxi while driving it as a float in the anti-violence protest. Tough break. But I think the moral of the story here is that If you choose to be Indian, a student and taxi driver, you will suffer. Or a slutty stripper outside Spearmint Rhino. But While 'Underbelly' and that new 10 show 'Thrush' have shown us, If you don't have a violent city, there is no material for awsome crime shows where Kirtsy McKlements gets her boobs out and ex-Neighbours stars can feel a little hardcore.

Im tired of this. Im making a stand! More violence! So we can finally get a Melbourne version of 'Law & Order UK'.. which is really shit.

August 16, 2009

Spotted: 'Boring' girl band

Everyone loves a good sister act the Veronica's, Hilary and Haylie Duff, Tegan and Sara, The Pointer Sisters etc. Now hold the fone!! Introducing Catherine and Allison Pierce of 'the Pierces'. You might even recognise them from the 'Hi, society' episode of Gossip Girl. I instead found them on the Gossip Girl Season 1 DVD special features disc. One of their hit singles features on the disc called 'Boring', for your convenience I have provided the video clip below. Instantly I thought this was a parody because that's what my mind prefers, turns out it's a serious clip. I laughed uncontrollably for an indiscriminate amount of time. Honestly a black and white music clip? That's soo.....boring. Or are they smarter than we think? Perhaps that's the catch. There is alot of leather couch girating, is that distracting from it's potential cleverness? And girls, yes touching your sister while mentioning girl on girl action is still considered incestuous. Sluts. Here is a short list of the things they find boring:

Paris
France
London town
NYC
Sexy boy
Girl on girl
Ménage à trois (it's French)
Marijuana
Cocaine
Heroin (Come on that's our fav!!!)
Donatella
Dolce & Gabbana
Caviar
Escargot
Love of my life
Bear your child(?)

But wait the chorus is:
'Nothing thrills us anymore,
No one kills us anymore,
Life is such a chore'

Whinging bitches! At least you have a pleather couch. What about all those starving children in Africa that don't have Lazyboys?

In Too Deep: Fem Shaved Heads

The 'Solange Knowles Snip Snip' post by Sam got me thinking about all my favourite Fem Shaved Heads. There was no other choice but to provide you with a detailed analysis of the best bald lady eagles, within our popular segment 'In Too Deep'. To separate the rug munchers from the ball bunchers each haircut will be rated by Dykies. The lower the Dykie the faux-er the slash and the higher the Dykie the wetter everyones pussies will get.



Exhibit A: Solange Knowles
Style: The 'Buzz cock'.
Dykies: 5.6

The recession has caused Beyonce’s little sister, Solange Knowles, to resort to extreme cost-cutting measures. Her reasoning for the snip is that she can use the money she saves on hair maintenence on more important areas of her life. Like her baaaabyyy!!! For further details refer to post below. Hopefully she changes her name to Blazin' Bad Zula to really celebrate her African culture.



Exhibit B: Britney Spears
Style: The 'Put a spear in me, i'm done'.
Dykies: 15

OMG....make over!!!! There's nothing like a break down to inspire an image change. Or she may have just realised that she ACTUALLY married K-Fed and wanted to make herself completely undesirable to rid her life of precision facial hair. Brit looks almost retarded without hair, yet someone must have rated it highly because above is a tattoo some moron had tattooed on their bicep to honor the monumental celeBRITy event. I'm planning on having the moment when Paris Hilton flashed her vagina exiting a limo on my face. Huge!!!!!



Exhibit C: Hilary Duff
Style: The 'Big muff'.
Dykies: 21 (and maybe another 21 for the next 21 years that she'll spend searching for a decent film role. Get your cans out that always means Oscar! )


Your a haircut repeater Lizzie McGuire! You should shave your head for real but I guess dating the lead singer from Good(hardly) Charlotte is punk enough. Haha it's fantastic that I can simply type 'Hilary Duff Shaved Head' into Google and find an image of the H-Duff with no hair. Profit, I didn't even need to enlist the genius of photoshop myself.



Exhibit D: Sinéad O'Connor
Style: Les Normps
Dykies: 53

The orignial head shaver Sinead O'Connor has been rocking the 'Les Normps' shorn hairdo since before I was born. I probs had more hair than her upon my arrival, she was probably on a steady number 1 trim. Sinead really should be winning this 'In Too Deep' but i'm not convinced of her sexual status, I'm as confused as a drunk girl that accidently(or not so accidently) makes out with her best girl friend at Prom. O'Connor has been married twice and popped out 4 children! Then in 2000 she outed herself stating "I'm a dyke ... although I haven't been very open about that and throughout most of my life I've gone out with blokes because I haven't necessarily been terribly comfortable about being a big lesbian mule. But I actually am a dyke." Later she told a magazine that she may have been over-compensating to declare herself as a lesbian and that she was not to be put 'in a box of any description'(Well that's not what the girl you were licking out last night said). She now describes herself like this, "I'm three-quarters heterosexual, a quarter gay. I lean a bit more towards the hairy blokes". So your a submarine lesbian? Bitch please, your making Katy Perry seem as though she respects gay representation and rights. If you kissed a girl and liked it, just admit it baldie. I won't be o'CONned!!!



Exhibit Middle E: Natalie Portman
Style: The 'Middle Eastern Dome'.
Dykies: 126 (for the amount of girl boners she has inflicted upon me. Babe.)


Nothing says dyke like vegan footwear. And our favourite Israeli American actress knows how a bald head should look and the benefits of animal friendly footwear. Nat founded a fantastic website http://makingof.com/, has a bachelor's degree in psychology from Harvard because she'd "...rather be smart than a movie star" Oh melt!!!
She even has a band named after her shaved head. Easy win.

Solange Knowles Snip Snip



Like many before her, Beyonce's lil' sis has joined the strange hall of shame that we're calling the Fem Shaved Head Posse. They should actually form a band. But has this D-celeb even thought of the ramifications of her actions at all? Samuel Oak investigates.

Accessing http://twitter.com/solangeknowles was obviously the first step. But all I gathered from this is that shes actually ok. I mean her tweets are funny and shes a fan of Grizzly Bear and Japanese food, how could I judge her shit haircute based on her Tweeter page? I cant'!

So I stay away from this and read trashy blogs, much like this one, but ones with actual writers, or at least writer monkeys. Stylelist.com say

"It takes a lot of guts for a girl to get rid of her hair, and we salute Solange for her fearlessness"

And Gather.com did a HOT or NOT special on the fashion faux-pa, making it a touchy issue. Their sassy bi-racial writer wrote ..

"Some of you may be thinking, 'Big whoop. A celebrity got a haircut.' Actually, it means much more. There's a lot of pressure in our society for black women to keep their hair a certain way. Straight hair is what is beautiful. I'm biracial, so I have what is referred to as 'good hair'."

Wait a minute fool! How does Salonge (however the fuck you want to pronounce this) invoke pressure to black women everywhere. Shes not even famous. Or a real person. In fact we know for a fact that Salonge is actually a space creature / robot hybrid that Oprah contols to do her evil bidding. I also love in this article how the writer monkey refers to her own hair as "good hair", i mean come on, modest much? Also I'm sick to death of these crakers being all up in other people grill about racceee and colloouurr. Let that shit go, I mean as this bitch said: "I'm not racist, I can go into an Asian store and at least find something half decent" (mX, tuesday). Can't we all just get along.. in a sarcastic and judgemental and hateful fashion?

So long story short. For Solange, it was a close shave (he he). lets just hope she knows a good wigist.

Now get out of my sight, you disgust me.

August 13, 2009

Spotted: Tramp

Apparently lamb shanks attract cats these days. WTF? I know weird, but it did happen, not even to a friend of a friend of mine but me. My roomate is obsessed with animals, to the point that she would allow a strange animal to enter our house.
Reason.....'he followed me in.
-Why don't you kick him out?
-Oh but he could get cold.
-So?????'
And this is where the drama and deception began. The animal in question is this pussy.....


He may seem cute but seriously this cat is.....goddamn evil!


We were sucked in and blinded by this creature, I even named him Daisy 2.0 after my favourite family cat. Turns out the situation is like 'Lady Gaga's Fame 2.0', it's similar to the original 'Fame' but it's wrong and you can't quite put your finger on it, all you know is that it's shit. I ended up refering to him as Clifford after the Spice Girls' tour manager in 'Spiceworld', which was soon shortened to Cliffy. Little did we know, that while accepting this creature as a friend and confidant he would use and abuse us for our love, affection and shelter (cleverly sneaking over the back fence while we had a fag in the courtyard waltzing through the house, even after we'd just kicked him out the front door). Cliffy took advantage of our hospitality, resorting to eating our food and having his way with my blanket. That blanket will never be the same again, considering it may be pregnant. Cliffy you are nothing but a two bit whore and we've seen the poster that someone posted about you. You've brought shame on the whole community. I hope you get de-sexed, tramp!!!!

August 12, 2009

In Too Deep: Crunkcore

Brace yourselves. This shit is intense. Almost as intense the sex between The Buttplug Gnome and the Melbourne Anus sculpture would be in the were finally reunited. It's a musical genre that has my head in a spin. Whether this spin is a good thing or not is besides the point becuase I had way too much fun researching this for this 'In Too Deep'

Its a mash between rap/rnb and screamo/emo/metal. It's two forbidden lovers disobeying the orders of their opressive fathers and meeting in the courtyard at midnight to make sweet romanctic love. Its like someone fucked up the yingyang by putting it in a blender. Ive hand picked a few examples of some "artists" producing this form of music. Im not sure exactly who the 'crunkcore' scene is, but im sure Flinders street station will be spilling with them soon enough. I think they wear baggy pants, loads of fluro accesories and have multi tone hair, but also have piercings and bad tattoos. Well Well. Its seems I have to now come up with a measurement of 'crunkness' when rating the bands. I think I'll call them crunkies. the more crunkies awarded to a band, the more ultimately crunkcore they are. Lets get crunk, bitches AAAWWRRRFGGHHH!


Exhibit A: Hadouken!
Song In Question: That Boy That Girl
Others Worth Noting: Liquid Lives, Crank It Up
Crunkies: 5.7



Im not sure how c'core these guys are but I went out ona limb to find one that wasnt that bad. I mean I can mildly tolerate these guys. Mostly they use ol' skool brirish 'innit-isms to create the badass feel and of course they always rap/sing about alchol, violence, drugs, sloppy drunk sex and being 'indie'. So Im a tad impressed. Yet confused. Why do they feel the need to involve so much coloured paper and scribbly writing in everything they do, get some variety bitches. All in all they aint too awful, yet I would defiantly appreciate more rnb style ballads (with screaming).


Exhibit B: Hollywood Undead
Song In Question: Bitches
Others Worth Noting: Undead, Young
Crunkies: 2



I dig that at the start of 'Bitches' it sounds like Alicia Keys is gonna drop in when the vocals start with some subtle yet strong female vocals. But its some beardy guys with face paint sayin' "I wont stop till I hit that hoe". This song also has more great lyrics like "Shes only 17, i aint a pedophile." and "get your drunk ass over here lets go." This seems to be a trend of c'core: drunk sloppy sex. But the back beat is so Rnb its not funny. I think it actually is from a Rhianna song or something. But these guys have major image issues. I mean some other songs just sound like Linkin Park lite, which is like lite lite. So Hollywood Undead are about as fun as fat free sourcream. 2 crunkies from me.

Exhibit C: Family Force 5
Song In Question: Love Addict
Others Worth Noting: Dance or Die, Earthquake
Crunkies: 26.3



Now were getting somewhere. These guys have a great balance between scream and hiphop. Yet sometimes they could be a little bit too on the scream side and not enough hip. I love in 'Love Addict' when it breaks down half way through into a GaGa inspired robo-voice chant. Yeah. The Name is fantastic too. First I though about 'Spice Force 5' from the Spiceworld Movie, then I thought Jackson 5, and then I just realized its a ridiculous name and I should probably stop comparing it to even more ridiculous concepts. Heck, Im off to go fuck some bitches, 26.3 crunkies from me.

Exhibit D: BrokeNCYDE
Song In Question: Freakxxx
Others Worth Noting: Get Crunk
Crunkies: 2 Crunk 4 u



This is the holygrail right here. Tweeted to me by a friend, this clip will have you so confused image wise and aurally that you may die. I did... and got ressureceded as a massive Crunker with a screming attitute to bitches and the world!! YEAHHH! But seriously, Its like watching an innocent puppy drown. its awkward, sad, but you cant take your eyes off and you also cant help but want to dance to it. I love the fact that they have employed hiphop/rnb video clip ideas with having hoes and a fancy car and some shit green screen visuals but then added some really awful screaming that features WAY too heavily in the background. It sounds like some screamo cunts wanted to sabotage a tape of Chris Browns. I love the bit when he says "bitches want to sex me" and "coz i dont waste my time with lesbians" too crunk to rate.

So now your probably feeling filthy, freaky, and crunk. So have a bath and forget this ever happened. Are we cool to do that? But! If you're actually feeling this stuff then I recommend you also investigate Mindless Self Indulgence, Dir en grey, and Dot Dot Curve. But dont tell anyone about it.