iPhones are Homoerotic

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Spotted: Bronson.. All Grow'd Up?

What is going on. My favourite childhood characters are all turning into trashy sluts or lame shuffling Corey Worthington wannabes. Sigh. First Vanessa Hudgens, now this?! All those times I thought i could relate to Bronson (lovable lil' redhead from Round The Twist) through his ups and downs in my favourite beach-side town.. its all over.

Seriously this clip makes me wanna vom just a little. Its just like when Carson was on Big Brothet a few years ago and they all went crazy. And I was all like 'kuntz please', its Carson, who gives a shit. But then you actually do kind of a shit. And you wish you didn't.

So if shuffling (non-Melbournian readers should Wikipedia 'Melbourne Shuffle') wasn't lame and weird enough, chuck in a D-grade child celebrity and you make it worse! Remember that kids.

I just want his mom to come out going 'BROOOONSSOOOONN!' and slap him on his lilly white ass.

In Too Deep: V-Hudge Career Moves.

Vanessa Hudgens is the hottest and tightest piece of arse getting around right now. Forget our past scanda-whores divas Britney, Paris and Mel Gibson. It's all about the V-Hudge! She's hanging around now like a sticky piece of shit on your toilet bowl, no matter how many times you flush, it's still there. This bitch is popular and will keep getting paid..... most likely in digital camera memory cards. Due to her history in 'flash' photography this segment will be rated in 'flashies'.

*'Flash' photography meaning getting naked not artifically lit photography.


Exhibit A: Film-Thirteen
Flashies: 5.7

Thirteen was infact Vanessa's debut film....not bad for someone who moved onto the faggy pseudo-musical series that is High School Musical. I love musicals and this was the only one I couldn't bare to watch. Absolute filth, Judy Garland must be turning in her grave. Well its either about that or she realised Liza Minelli was actually her genetic daughter. Vanessa played Noel who was Tracey's(Evan Rachel Wood) best friend from across the street...before she became a tramp.




Exhibit B: Solo music
Flashies: 9 and ¾

Vanessa always makes sound decisions when it comes to her career. Especially when it involves fluro sneakers. Yay shameless plug for Ecko. I love when songs are written for products. Like 'Ring of Fire' for the popular hemorrhoid-relief commercial. Example in video form below.



'Basically what we gonna do is dance"....wise gurl.



Exhibit See: Rock, paper, scissor tournaments
Flashies: 33

Alright so they have rock, paper, scissor tournaments on Disney now, between the notorious 'good-but-bad' girls Vanessa and Miley. If only this was a contact sport and Vanessa jammed her arm down Miley's throat removing her larynx and feeding it to Pluto as an afternoon snack. If you can't be bothered watching all the video it's cool Vanessa wins. Zac mentioned that she had pretty quick hands. Youse kuntz don't even know.





Exhibit D: Nudie shots
Flashies: 169.99

All things considered, another nude photo scandal is probably a hell of a lot better for her career than starring in her new film 'Bandslam.' Seriously, if diarrhea could be transposed into film reel, they’d call it 'Bandslam.' I think it’s safe to say that we’d all rather see her barely legal boobies than that piece of shit.



She really should be taking this guys advice.

Hitler Has AIDS.

It's official. Well according to a new German ad campaign, which for some reason has caused controversy. I personally think that sex with a Nazi wouldn't be that bad, I mean who doesn't love an aggressive blonde? Maybs not with Hitlers lame mo. But come on, the Germans so need this kind of thing to show that they aint heavy and that free speech still has some meaning in their sausagey society, right? Yeah you would think that.



Of course I first heard about this in my favorite hard news publication, mX. They seems to just think this was a big controversy and stated that they love a good controversy. Like in the Glam&Goss section where you get a wiff of a new celebrity snatch each train ride home. If anything, I think that mX had AIDS.

Now what;s with the lame chick pretending you semi enjoy this faux-rape experience? BP, I could do a better job of that blindfolded. There is also a video version of the ad but it keeps getting removed from YouTube, now thats what I call fascism. So you will have to source it yourself which may be difficult but its worth it to see H-dog get his dick wet like we've wanted to for so long.

Loves it, Later!

Melbourne Is: Fashion.

What the fuck. Ok so, its Melbourne Fashion week, and Im mega excited. Not for the fashion, or the event at all, but because the whole city fills with mega fashionbabes and all my favourite fashbloggers start circle jerking over the festivities. I think that we can see a few trends (or trenz) coming up this season and I will now explore these.

The first is Asian. This is now a fashion choice. It involves wearing dark hair, squinty eyes and awesome attitude where you can get away with saying things like "babes" and "kawaii" and not have people throw shit at your face.

The next is black. Not the race this time, the shade. Everyone seems to be depressed or some shit coz all i'm seeing on these fashion hoez is black. Sometime a dark beige or grey to accompany. Combined with the previous fashion trend you get a deadly Melbourne fashion combination. Sounds yummy.

The next is holes. Just cut them in all your clothes for instant cool. Im thinking of doing to my best prom dress even.

Another up-coming trend is platinum. I myself recently bleached the shit out of my hair and am now paying the repocusions as I scare people. But babeblooger Fashion Hayley (referpost: In Too Deep: Twitter [august]) It reppin this trend harcore. Shes combining it with Black, the second of my found trends effectivly.

Im also loving plaid. Lauren Conrad, fave ex-Hills celebrity knows this too. Were seeing plaid evereywhere right now. Street corners, my butt, even on the staircase.

Thats all. Get away from me.

Talk To Strangers!

Even take candy from them! This is amazing. Brace yourself. I am obsessed. Its http://www.omegle.com where basically you are paired with another sad random from across the globe who feels like a random chat. Move over mX heres looking at you, communication just got weirder. But I feel like this is less public and with less Indians.

I also love that there is an iPhone app for it. Jesus I should just quit my job right now and sit in maccas all day using their free WiFi and talking to weirdos. :)

My goal is to find love using this website. So i tried.. a few times heres a transcript of my best try.

You: hey, into korean pop?

Stranger: eh, not so much

Stranger: dont really know what it is

You: oh you should!

You: its hot right now

Stranger: in korea?

You: its the new japanese pop

You: so.. we still on for netball next saturday?

Stranger: netball?

You: yeah

You: we had that game planned

You: is this michelle?

Stranger: yeah

You: oh hey babe

Stranger: hey sweetie

You: its dave!

Stranger: Dave?

Stranger: whats up

You: so.. i was thinking. my parents are out of the house tomorrow night!

You: wanna come over

You: and study?

Stranger: what time, i have to work 12-7

You: 6:59 ill be naked

You: ;)

Stranger: ill try to get out early

You: you betta

Stranger: buttsex is my favorite

You: yums

You: ill bring extra butt

You: he he

Stranger: ill bring extra sex

You: what a good deal

Stranger: maybe you caan give me the old arabian goggles

You: yummmm

You: again?

You: boring

Stranger: i know...lets do the slappy dave....how fitting

You: hehe

You: i wanna fist you so bad right now

Stranger: double fists

You: :)

As you can see. Its weird as. I highly suggest you jump on my band wagon asap. you wont regret it yet.