August 31, 2009
Spotted: She Wolf in disguise.
No it's just Shakira. You remember Whenever wherever we're meant to be together.....
Does everyone not feel like they just had sex with Shakira and it was the hottest love making they have ever experienced in their lives? The song actually sounds like it should be CSS featuring Shakira. The bass line is grade A porn that you can squeeze out of a tube! Not to mention the dick slappin' guitar and the booty droppin' drum beat.
However there are no way near enough galloping horses or shots of Shakira trapsing through mud on her hands and kness like in Whenever, Wherever but wait.....there is an asymmetrical leotard. God damn I need to commission someone to make me a leotard in the exact same fashion as Shakira's (minus the crouch....cause I just split that anyway).
Another thought....did anyone else ask why is that guy sleeping next her NOT ripping all of her clothes of by his teeth? Even I feel compelled to do horrible things to her vagina. Note to self I need a dancing cage. Aaaaaaaaooooooooo.
Oh yeah and there's even a lame parody video. There's always a lame parody video!
August 30, 2009
Spotted: Waluigi and Bulbasaur in Illegal Sex Tape
Bitch Please. It looks like Bulba-slut has done it again, but this time with inter-special partner Waluigi. The Bizarro super character stated that the video ".. was not meant to be released". Bulbasaur, 24, Is no stranger to negative media attention after an intense affair with tween star Zac Efron last fall. The affair mounted suspicion into the Efron v. Duff case, in which pop-lebrity Hilary Duff sued Efron over claims her child was actually his. It looks like Bublasaur can't get out of the flash bulbs this week as new rumours surface regarding the infamous tape. To view the full tape, click here for full HD quality footage. The tape, starring the two, was found by Nintendo star Daisy who claims to have stumbled across the tape whilst cleaning Luigi's castle. Allogations have been made towards Daisy saying that she is behind the scandal, using it as another cash scam. Whatever your side, it looks like the two wont live it down being seen in public together twice since the incident.
August 28, 2009
Spotted: Heidi Montag Commits Suicide on Stage!
Jesus Christ. Heidi's really done it. She's gone. Forever. Well not really, but you get the point. This dreadful performance made Heidi talk of the town a few days ago when it aired around the world. My concerns lie mainly in costume selection, the song itself, the fact that I know Spencer Pratt (her awful hubby; refer post 'Spencer Pratt Totally Looks Like Shaving Fun Ken') produced the song, the back up dancing, her 90's style microphone a la Britney Spears (come on, in 2009 I'm sure technology could produce a slightly smaller less intrusive mic, and she obviously i'snt using it!), and her plastic surgery just to name a few things I noticed.
But at least her hair extensions of a tampon string didn't flop out like some of Britney's recent 'Circus' tour shows. But that would have been awesome. Well I'm off to bleach my ass. Later.
August 27, 2009
Reel Review: Clam Slam
'Don't miss out on life. Always do the thing that scares you most.'
Nice tag line Clam Slam. But what scares me the most is the possibility of seeing this movie again. For Vanessa it must be getting nude that scares her the most...and she has well and truely gotten over that.
Never in my life have I seen a tween/teen film that tackles so many themes. I'm still not completely sure how I feel about it. I might even be under qualified to discuss 'Clam Slam'.
The various themes tackled are:
Substance use-We hear that a man(aka DUI's dad) would drink on his lunch hour and that he is in jail for killing a young boy when he was driving under the influence.
Profanity-A teen boy says, 'He likes the girls that got the junk'.
Sexual themes-Ex-Cheerleader turned band slut climbs in the bedroom window of DUI's, and tickles him on his bed; his mother(aka Phoebe from friends) enters the room and looses her shit so it's time for her to leave.
Animal cruelty-DUI pats V-Hudge like a dog.
Fetish-A young boy in day-care eats paste several times.
Incest-Pheobe aka Mum walks into the bathroom where DUI is taking a shower to ask about his day and god forbid we see his bare shoulder. Ugliest leading man ever.
Pulling the dead parent card-Ex-Cheerleader turned band slut blantly uses the dead daddy card to win a 'who can guilt the other more fight' with DUI.
Name-calling- These are the various names people are called: Dui, maniacs, morons, monsters, weirdo, idiots.
References to decent bands- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Belle and Sebastian, Patti Smith, David Bowie, Velvet Underground etc.
Now specifically focusing on V-Hudge's performance. Clam Slam really sees her breaking out from her past role as Gabriella in High School Musical. Clam Slam is about high school students, music and faux acting. Oh shit...I just realised they are exactely the same. The big difference is that V-Hudge plays an emo type character. She even goes as far as creating a verbally-monotone, book-loving misfit persona for this role. I'm considering changing my name to Whit358ney(but the numbers aren't silent). Check it.
I'm excited to see what they will do in the sequel, or prequel depending on how far they can stretch Vanessa's Clam.
As Margaret I give Clam Slam, 3 out of 5 Clam's.
August 26, 2009
Reel Review: Vanessa Hudgens and her Chamber of Secrets
David's (Professor Samuel Oak) Review:
Bandslam opens with potential. We meet angsty broody teen Will Burton and are transported to his pathetic world of awkwardness, shit name dropping musical conversation, and hot mum Lisa Kudrow. But this potential is quickly ruined by V-hudge. Playing it coy, she introduces herself to Will by writing her name on a piece of paper like this "Sa5m" to then proclaim "the 5 is silent". But the film goes to places where previous tween-flick idols such as Frankie Muniz and Amanda Bynes have never been before. Driving Under the Influence, sociopathic methods of getting what you want, and David Bowie all feature heavily in this film, along with an surprisingly shit soundtrack. I was expecting more of a HSM vibe with dancing and pop-rock tunes that stick into your skull like chewing gum to pavement, but no! It was like shit soft-ska elevator music that had no spice. So I'm gicing this film 2 and a half DUI's, as I much preferred the 1950's original starring me and Audrey Hepburn.
Bandslam opens with potential. We meet angsty broody teen Will Burton and are transported to his pathetic world of awkwardness, shit name dropping musical conversation, and hot mum Lisa Kudrow. But this potential is quickly ruined by V-hudge. Playing it coy, she introduces herself to Will by writing her name on a piece of paper like this "Sa5m" to then proclaim "the 5 is silent". But the film goes to places where previous tween-flick idols such as Frankie Muniz and Amanda Bynes have never been before. Driving Under the Influence, sociopathic methods of getting what you want, and David Bowie all feature heavily in this film, along with an surprisingly shit soundtrack. I was expecting more of a HSM vibe with dancing and pop-rock tunes that stick into your skull like chewing gum to pavement, but no! It was like shit soft-ska elevator music that had no spice. So I'm gicing this film 2 and a half DUI's, as I much preferred the 1950's original starring me and Audrey Hepburn.
August 23, 2009
Oprah has over 9,000 Penises
A while back Oprah (or Harpo as I like to call her) made the huge error of making a whole special show about something people said on her message boards, obviously just to rile her up. As we all know, Oprah hates pedophiles, and penises, so what better way to rile her up than mentioning a pedophile network that has over 9,000 of them systematically raping children. Check this shit out:
But!! As if that wasn't enough, the culture jamming Youtube population have decided this is worthy of a good remix. Here's probs the best one (featuting Pedobear himself!)
That is all.
But!! As if that wasn't enough, the culture jamming Youtube population have decided this is worthy of a good remix. Here's probs the best one (featuting Pedobear himself!)
That is all.
August 22, 2009
Silver Cigarette Award for excellence in: Styling.
The winner is LC, Lauren Conrad.....Beef Curtains? (a less than flattering nickname which 'refers to the size/shape of a womans vagina' bestowed upon her by Mr. Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt.)
LC is an American television personality, actress, celebutante, author, fashion designer and year round Movember advocate (explanation within post).
She debuted on MTV's reality show Laguna Beach which led to her spin-off show The Hills, which follows her personal and professional life as she pursues a career in the fashion industry. Lauren's fashion conquest begain with rigorous study at the Academy of Art University of San Francisco and the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising. Naturally she landed an internship at Teen Vogue (without any persuasive help from a TV network) then soon graduating to People's Revolution; a public relations, branding and marketing firm. Coincendently I (Whitney Port) worked at both places with LC however I was significantly more talented because I now live on the East Coast on the Gossip Girl set and I work for world class hoe and fashion designer Diane von Fürstenberg.
ConRAD's key styling looks are PLAID and MOUSTACHE. Her fashion inspiration comes from two sources; Al from Home Improvement and Marcia Brady. Al and LC both wear plaid and a beard. And you'll notice that LC stole Marcia's face, featured here also wearing plaid.
PLAID
Lauren consistently wears plaid shirts....sometimes even plaid dresses. For your pleasure I have created a photo mosaic using various images of her wearing plaid, a task that has taken me days to execute but it was worth it. Click into the image for a larger view and check out this plaid clad freakshow. Or simply type 'Lauren Conrad Plaid' into Google Images, you'll too be in awe at how much plaid one person can own.
MOUSTACHE
Our personal fav styling tip is moustache. LC has made them accessible for all genders and all styles. She rocks a moustache with plaid shirts, dresses, bikinis, mini skirts and more. There is no denying that LC has a moustache, episode after episode we have never made it through a whole one without mentioning her stache. We have evidence to prove that we aren't being dramatic. On the left is her natural moustache look and the other is a more enhanced moustache look. Next time you watch the Hills take note. Dark lighting can't be the reason everytime!
Congratulations LC, you are well on your way in becoming famous in the world of faux-fashion styling. We award you 5/5 Moustaches for your efforts.
LC is an American television personality, actress, celebutante, author, fashion designer and year round Movember advocate (explanation within post).
She debuted on MTV's reality show Laguna Beach which led to her spin-off show The Hills, which follows her personal and professional life as she pursues a career in the fashion industry. Lauren's fashion conquest begain with rigorous study at the Academy of Art University of San Francisco and the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising. Naturally she landed an internship at Teen Vogue (without any persuasive help from a TV network) then soon graduating to People's Revolution; a public relations, branding and marketing firm. Coincendently I (Whitney Port) worked at both places with LC however I was significantly more talented because I now live on the East Coast on the Gossip Girl set and I work for world class hoe and fashion designer Diane von Fürstenberg.
ConRAD's key styling looks are PLAID and MOUSTACHE. Her fashion inspiration comes from two sources; Al from Home Improvement and Marcia Brady. Al and LC both wear plaid and a beard. And you'll notice that LC stole Marcia's face, featured here also wearing plaid.
PLAID
Lauren consistently wears plaid shirts....sometimes even plaid dresses. For your pleasure I have created a photo mosaic using various images of her wearing plaid, a task that has taken me days to execute but it was worth it. Click into the image for a larger view and check out this plaid clad freakshow. Or simply type 'Lauren Conrad Plaid' into Google Images, you'll too be in awe at how much plaid one person can own.
MOUSTACHE
Our personal fav styling tip is moustache. LC has made them accessible for all genders and all styles. She rocks a moustache with plaid shirts, dresses, bikinis, mini skirts and more. There is no denying that LC has a moustache, episode after episode we have never made it through a whole one without mentioning her stache. We have evidence to prove that we aren't being dramatic. On the left is her natural moustache look and the other is a more enhanced moustache look. Next time you watch the Hills take note. Dark lighting can't be the reason everytime!
Congratulations LC, you are well on your way in becoming famous in the world of faux-fashion styling. We award you 5/5 Moustaches for your efforts.
August 20, 2009
Spencer Pratt Totally Looks Like Shaving Fun Ken
Its True! I may have stolen this from 'TotallyLooksLike.com' but who cares! Pratt, recently married (for the 3rd time) to Hills babesse Heidi Montag (now Pratt as its the obvious surname to choose) has always thrilled us with his amazingly gross facial hair, and now hes being recognized! great!
But the real issue here is TotallyLooksLike.com, which is fucking stupid. There is one that's the Google Chrome logo looks like a vintage Simon Says Game. Obsure, Random, Boring. I hope 'The Pierces' (refer post Spotted: Boring girl band) dont find out about this website, they would be totally bored. But they would also be bored by a vampire sevenssome with nio condoms and dirty heroin needles on top of a Mongolian hut. Yawns.
So anyways, Im like totally getting an oxygen facial. Later.
August 17, 2009
In Too Deep: Koreanese Pop
So. It may be no secret that I am Asian. Well on the inside. I have the body of a Latino and the penis gurth of a black man. Yet I have always been drawn to the Asian persuasion of life. This doesn't stop at deliciously cheap hand rolls and SNES porn, it also breaths itself into my eardrums, inciting an appetite for equally as cheap music. I am now about to investigate my most recent obsession: Korean Pop. Korea itself is pretty awsome as it is, With thier northen neighbours giving them a bad rep, they really do just want to record MSG filled bubbleicious music like the rest of the world. Granted it's not a out-there and franetic as Japanese Pop, Korean pop hold the interest in awsome use of English lyrics, slighty more conservative (than Japan) costumes and outfits, and sweet electro beats. They seem to love hip hop too. The system for rating in this case will be none other but the kim-chi's (Not only named after the delicious Korean pickled cabage but my late puppy whom was hit by a car of the same name.). The more kim-chi's awarded to a K-Pop group the more K-ool they are. And that's a K for Korea.
Exhibit A: Wonder Girls - "So Hot"
Kim-Chi's: 4.7
Wonder Girls are pretty old skool. They've been on the K-scene for a while, with other hit songs such as 'Stupid'. But 'So Hot' seems to have the most western appeal so I put it first to lull you slowly into K-Pop, think of it as the roofy I slip into your beer before dragging you the the club toilets and inevitably raping you. This song (feat 'JYP') is so fucking coy that you'll feel naughty yourself just witnessing it. They seem to be flirting with the camera men, eachother, and the shit male actors employed to make them seem more accessable, and bangable. Evene though at times they pretend to hate the male attention. Whoops! The chick that raps is pretty good too, but I'm longing for more with the Wonder Girls, they are basically cock teasers and are so small they can fit in the size of a novelty pink gift box, where they seem to live.
Exhibit B: Rain - "Rainism"
Kim-Chi's: 25
Now you may already recognize Rain from such films as Speed Racer and the upcoming Ninja Assasin, but he's been on the K-pop circuit for ages now, recently living between the states and K-rea for film work. This song has been chosen to represent him as it has a great name, I mean come on. But he's very cute. And the lyrics of this are ridiculous. We get it, you're a naughty boy or whatever. But I can't get over how fucking long it takes to get into the song, you always find these K-artists giving there video clips like 2 minute intros, its so dramatic. Fuck. Also is he channeling MJ in his dance moves?
Exhibit C: Tasha - "Black Happiness"
Kim-Chi's (mixed with fried chicken): 54.8
Tasha, you're gonna love this, is actually a half black half Korean singer/rapper, which gives her instant cred. this Lauryn Hill vibe she gives off (but in Korean) can be confusing, but once that roofy I gave you earlier settles in you'll chill out and realize shes awsome. How good is this song title too?! Black Happiness is so fitting for this bi-racial butterfly. It seems like Beyonce has some cometition if this bitch starts recording in English.
Exhibit D: 2NE1 - "Fire" (Street Version)
Kim-Chi's: 69
Now we're getting to the good stuff. 2NE1 have me under there spell for sure. Each with their own distict personality, these girls rap, sing and basically just look awsome constantly. My fave is the slighty manly voiced once who is wearing a long shirt with the sphinx on it wearing shades. yeah-a! But runner up is the super-coy one who looks like she just ditched the Wonder Girls to join 2NE1 coz shes so purdy and shy. The lyrics of 'Fire' are sassy too to match the slickness of the CGI that must have cost mills of Korean Wons. 2NE1 (side fact) are all actually 21 in age, so whe you say 2-N-E-1 its like a lame sentence that doesnt mean anythign, but if you say it fast it's like saying thier age. Im confused too, they obviosly have a better grasp of our language than us.
Exhibit E: BigBang / 2NE1 - "Lollipop"
Kim-Chi's: :O
What could make 2NE1 cooler? Boys! Add the super Japnese/Korean pop fivesome 'Big Bang' and you get this amazing clip. I have watched this like 400 times in the last week. Its incredible. The guy with the tres cool nerd glasses and faux leather red jacket is a babe, and the rocketship dance move where all the guys around him burst away by his sheer K-power is intense. Its pretty funny too how they almost always say 'Rorrypop' in each chorus (actually they say rorrypop in the verses too, in fact its pretty much all they say). But Rorrypop is such a great track that you can expect me to put it on at a party sometime soon, so start learning the dance moves.
Exhibit F: BoA - "I Did It For Love"
Kim-Chi's: 10,000
Ok so, This is the shit. Granted that this song is on BoA's (or Beat Of Asia as the 'clever' name means) US released album, its till massive in Korea and shes still pretty Korean last time she checked (as in a pap smear). 'I Did It For Love' is so catchy its dangerous, in fact viewer digression should be advised, if you don't want K-pop in your brain for the next 10 years, dont play this video. No do! I love the Alex Mac meets Janet Jackson vibe from this clip; there's people melting into piles of goo and loads of black leather outfits and dancing in the rain. But BoA was not hit with a violent amount of GC161 when she was a child (well maybe her gyno will tell her), but shes just naturally sexy and awesome. BoA releases shit in a few of the other Asian power house countries but this song (all in English if you didn't realize) is probs my fave. She even gets her own random black guy sitting on a car to add flavour much like one would add the flavoring sachet to their K-noodles. I'm giving BoA maximum Kim-Chi's and a blow ob after the show, I'm almost as wet as her at the end of the clip!
Now that i've got that out of my system I promise never to do it again.
안녕 (annyeong!!)
Exhibit A: Wonder Girls - "So Hot"
Kim-Chi's: 4.7
Wonder Girls are pretty old skool. They've been on the K-scene for a while, with other hit songs such as 'Stupid'. But 'So Hot' seems to have the most western appeal so I put it first to lull you slowly into K-Pop, think of it as the roofy I slip into your beer before dragging you the the club toilets and inevitably raping you. This song (feat 'JYP') is so fucking coy that you'll feel naughty yourself just witnessing it. They seem to be flirting with the camera men, eachother, and the shit male actors employed to make them seem more accessable, and bangable. Evene though at times they pretend to hate the male attention. Whoops! The chick that raps is pretty good too, but I'm longing for more with the Wonder Girls, they are basically cock teasers and are so small they can fit in the size of a novelty pink gift box, where they seem to live.
Exhibit B: Rain - "Rainism"
Kim-Chi's: 25
Now you may already recognize Rain from such films as Speed Racer and the upcoming Ninja Assasin, but he's been on the K-pop circuit for ages now, recently living between the states and K-rea for film work. This song has been chosen to represent him as it has a great name, I mean come on. But he's very cute. And the lyrics of this are ridiculous. We get it, you're a naughty boy or whatever. But I can't get over how fucking long it takes to get into the song, you always find these K-artists giving there video clips like 2 minute intros, its so dramatic. Fuck. Also is he channeling MJ in his dance moves?
Exhibit C: Tasha - "Black Happiness"
Kim-Chi's (mixed with fried chicken): 54.8
Tasha, you're gonna love this, is actually a half black half Korean singer/rapper, which gives her instant cred. this Lauryn Hill vibe she gives off (but in Korean) can be confusing, but once that roofy I gave you earlier settles in you'll chill out and realize shes awsome. How good is this song title too?! Black Happiness is so fitting for this bi-racial butterfly. It seems like Beyonce has some cometition if this bitch starts recording in English.
Exhibit D: 2NE1 - "Fire" (Street Version)
Kim-Chi's: 69
Now we're getting to the good stuff. 2NE1 have me under there spell for sure. Each with their own distict personality, these girls rap, sing and basically just look awsome constantly. My fave is the slighty manly voiced once who is wearing a long shirt with the sphinx on it wearing shades. yeah-a! But runner up is the super-coy one who looks like she just ditched the Wonder Girls to join 2NE1 coz shes so purdy and shy. The lyrics of 'Fire' are sassy too to match the slickness of the CGI that must have cost mills of Korean Wons. 2NE1 (side fact) are all actually 21 in age, so whe you say 2-N-E-1 its like a lame sentence that doesnt mean anythign, but if you say it fast it's like saying thier age. Im confused too, they obviosly have a better grasp of our language than us.
Exhibit E: BigBang / 2NE1 - "Lollipop"
Kim-Chi's: :O
What could make 2NE1 cooler? Boys! Add the super Japnese/Korean pop fivesome 'Big Bang' and you get this amazing clip. I have watched this like 400 times in the last week. Its incredible. The guy with the tres cool nerd glasses and faux leather red jacket is a babe, and the rocketship dance move where all the guys around him burst away by his sheer K-power is intense. Its pretty funny too how they almost always say 'Rorrypop' in each chorus (actually they say rorrypop in the verses too, in fact its pretty much all they say). But Rorrypop is such a great track that you can expect me to put it on at a party sometime soon, so start learning the dance moves.
Exhibit F: BoA - "I Did It For Love"
Kim-Chi's: 10,000
Ok so, This is the shit. Granted that this song is on BoA's (or Beat Of Asia as the 'clever' name means) US released album, its till massive in Korea and shes still pretty Korean last time she checked (as in a pap smear). 'I Did It For Love' is so catchy its dangerous, in fact viewer digression should be advised, if you don't want K-pop in your brain for the next 10 years, dont play this video. No do! I love the Alex Mac meets Janet Jackson vibe from this clip; there's people melting into piles of goo and loads of black leather outfits and dancing in the rain. But BoA was not hit with a violent amount of GC161 when she was a child (well maybe her gyno will tell her), but shes just naturally sexy and awesome. BoA releases shit in a few of the other Asian power house countries but this song (all in English if you didn't realize) is probs my fave. She even gets her own random black guy sitting on a car to add flavour much like one would add the flavoring sachet to their K-noodles. I'm giving BoA maximum Kim-Chi's and a blow ob after the show, I'm almost as wet as her at the end of the clip!
Now that i've got that out of my system I promise never to do it again.
안녕 (annyeong!!)
Melbourne Is: Crime
I was sitting in a lecture theater filled will moaning beige students (plus me and Whit) whilst reflecting on my past pains and hurts, and it occurred to me. She the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. Its you Whit. I want to be Mr. Port. If only her last post didn't make it so obviously clear that I had fallen in love with a lesbian. While I was recovering from this thought (still in the beige lecture theater), I opened up my ears to listen to the "lecturer" talk.
She began by saying .. "you could write about anything.. even an international student.. being bashed."
The comic timing and placement of the words made this hilarious, and we all had a giggle, and come on, international students are funny anyway and so are bashings. So as our laughter escalated, some beige skank behind us claimed
"That's not even funny.. That's serious"
We then let out a huge chuckle at the hilariousness that was this beige girl. Anyway, this ond introduction brings us to today's 'Melbourne Is' topic.. Crime! Apparently Melbourne is becoming a dangerous metropolis in which one can't even walk down the streets without encountering a serial rapist like pictured below..
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So.. is this true? We hit the streets to find out. Not really, I'm gonna make this up.
Aali (22, international student) hails from Nepal. He moved here 2 years ago to pursue a career in buisness management and accounting (geez, original Aali!!). Anyway Aali was recently taunted and bashed by a group of thugs, see below picture..
And barely survived. Oh Aali is also a taxi driver and he was semi-stabbed in a Taxi while driving it as a float in the anti-violence protest. Tough break. But I think the moral of the story here is that If you choose to be Indian, a student and taxi driver, you will suffer. Or a slutty stripper outside Spearmint Rhino. But While 'Underbelly' and that new 10 show 'Thrush' have shown us, If you don't have a violent city, there is no material for awsome crime shows where Kirtsy McKlements gets her boobs out and ex-Neighbours stars can feel a little hardcore.
Im tired of this. Im making a stand! More violence! So we can finally get a Melbourne version of 'Law & Order UK'.. which is really shit.
She began by saying .. "you could write about anything.. even an international student.. being bashed."
The comic timing and placement of the words made this hilarious, and we all had a giggle, and come on, international students are funny anyway and so are bashings. So as our laughter escalated, some beige skank behind us claimed
"That's not even funny.. That's serious"
We then let out a huge chuckle at the hilariousness that was this beige girl. Anyway, this ond introduction brings us to today's 'Melbourne Is' topic.. Crime! Apparently Melbourne is becoming a dangerous metropolis in which one can't even walk down the streets without encountering a serial rapist like pictured below..
.jpg)
So.. is this true? We hit the streets to find out. Not really, I'm gonna make this up.
Aali (22, international student) hails from Nepal. He moved here 2 years ago to pursue a career in buisness management and accounting (geez, original Aali!!). Anyway Aali was recently taunted and bashed by a group of thugs, see below picture..
And barely survived. Oh Aali is also a taxi driver and he was semi-stabbed in a Taxi while driving it as a float in the anti-violence protest. Tough break. But I think the moral of the story here is that If you choose to be Indian, a student and taxi driver, you will suffer. Or a slutty stripper outside Spearmint Rhino. But While 'Underbelly' and that new 10 show 'Thrush' have shown us, If you don't have a violent city, there is no material for awsome crime shows where Kirtsy McKlements gets her boobs out and ex-Neighbours stars can feel a little hardcore.
Im tired of this. Im making a stand! More violence! So we can finally get a Melbourne version of 'Law & Order UK'.. which is really shit.
August 16, 2009
Spotted: 'Boring' girl band
Everyone loves a good sister act the Veronica's, Hilary and Haylie Duff, Tegan and Sara, The Pointer Sisters etc. Now hold the fone!! Introducing Catherine and Allison Pierce of 'the Pierces'. You might even recognise them from the 'Hi, society' episode of Gossip Girl. I instead found them on the Gossip Girl Season 1 DVD special features disc. One of their hit singles features on the disc called 'Boring', for your convenience I have provided the video clip below. Instantly I thought this was a parody because that's what my mind prefers, turns out it's a serious clip. I laughed uncontrollably for an indiscriminate amount of time. Honestly a black and white music clip? That's soo.....boring. Or are they smarter than we think? Perhaps that's the catch. There is alot of leather couch girating, is that distracting from it's potential cleverness? And girls, yes touching your sister while mentioning girl on girl action is still considered incestuous. Sluts. Here is a short list of the things they find boring:
Paris
France
London town
NYC
Sexy boy
Girl on girl
Ménage à trois (it's French)
Marijuana
Cocaine
Heroin (Come on that's our fav!!!)
Donatella
Dolce & Gabbana
Caviar
Escargot
Love of my life
Bear your child(?)
But wait the chorus is:
'Nothing thrills us anymore,
No one kills us anymore,
Life is such a chore'
Whinging bitches! At least you have a pleather couch. What about all those starving children in Africa that don't have Lazyboys?
Paris
France
London town
NYC
Sexy boy
Girl on girl
Ménage à trois (it's French)
Marijuana
Cocaine
Heroin (Come on that's our fav!!!)
Donatella
Dolce & Gabbana
Caviar
Escargot
Love of my life
Bear your child(?)
But wait the chorus is:
'Nothing thrills us anymore,
No one kills us anymore,
Life is such a chore'
Whinging bitches! At least you have a pleather couch. What about all those starving children in Africa that don't have Lazyboys?
In Too Deep: Fem Shaved Heads
The 'Solange Knowles Snip Snip' post by Sam got me thinking about all my favourite Fem Shaved Heads. There was no other choice but to provide you with a detailed analysis of the best bald lady eagles, within our popular segment 'In Too Deep'. To separate the rug munchers from the ball bunchers each haircut will be rated by Dykies. The lower the Dykie the faux-er the slash and the higher the Dykie the wetter everyones pussies will get.
Exhibit A: Solange Knowles
Style: The 'Buzz cock'.
Dykies: 5.6
The recession has caused Beyonce’s little sister, Solange Knowles, to resort to extreme cost-cutting measures. Her reasoning for the snip is that she can use the money she saves on hair maintenence on more important areas of her life. Like her baaaabyyy!!! For further details refer to post below. Hopefully she changes her name to Blazin' Bad Zula to really celebrate her African culture.
Exhibit B: Britney Spears
Style: The 'Put a spear in me, i'm done'.
Dykies: 15
OMG....make over!!!! There's nothing like a break down to inspire an image change. Or she may have just realised that she ACTUALLY married K-Fed and wanted to make herself completely undesirable to rid her life of precision facial hair. Brit looks almost retarded without hair, yet someone must have rated it highly because above is a tattoo some moron had tattooed on their bicep to honor the monumental celeBRITy event. I'm planning on having the moment when Paris Hilton flashed her vagina exiting a limo on my face. Huge!!!!!
Exhibit C: Hilary Duff
Style: The 'Big muff'.
Dykies: 21 (and maybe another 21 for the next 21 years that she'll spend searching for a decent film role. Get your cans out that always means Oscar! )
Your a haircut repeater Lizzie McGuire! You should shave your head for real but I guess dating the lead singer from Good(hardly) Charlotte is punk enough. Haha it's fantastic that I can simply type 'Hilary Duff Shaved Head' into Google and find an image of the H-Duff with no hair. Profit, I didn't even need to enlist the genius of photoshop myself.
Exhibit D: Sinéad O'Connor
Style: Les Normps
Dykies: 53
The orignial head shaver Sinead O'Connor has been rocking the 'Les Normps' shorn hairdo since before I was born. I probs had more hair than her upon my arrival, she was probably on a steady number 1 trim. Sinead really should be winning this 'In Too Deep' but i'm not convinced of her sexual status, I'm as confused as a drunk girl that accidently(or not so accidently) makes out with her best girl friend at Prom. O'Connor has been married twice and popped out 4 children! Then in 2000 she outed herself stating "I'm a dyke ... although I haven't been very open about that and throughout most of my life I've gone out with blokes because I haven't necessarily been terribly comfortable about being a big lesbian mule. But I actually am a dyke." Later she told a magazine that she may have been over-compensating to declare herself as a lesbian and that she was not to be put 'in a box of any description'(Well that's not what the girl you were licking out last night said). She now describes herself like this, "I'm three-quarters heterosexual, a quarter gay. I lean a bit more towards the hairy blokes". So your a submarine lesbian? Bitch please, your making Katy Perry seem as though she respects gay representation and rights. If you kissed a girl and liked it, just admit it baldie. I won't be o'CONned!!!
Exhibit Middle E: Natalie Portman
Style: The 'Middle Eastern Dome'.
Dykies: 126 (for the amount of girl boners she has inflicted upon me. Babe.)
Nothing says dyke like vegan footwear. And our favourite Israeli American actress knows how a bald head should look and the benefits of animal friendly footwear. Nat founded a fantastic website http://makingof.com/, has a bachelor's degree in psychology from Harvard because she'd "...rather be smart than a movie star" Oh melt!!!
She even has a band named after her shaved head. Easy win.
Exhibit A: Solange Knowles
Style: The 'Buzz cock'.
Dykies: 5.6
The recession has caused Beyonce’s little sister, Solange Knowles, to resort to extreme cost-cutting measures. Her reasoning for the snip is that she can use the money she saves on hair maintenence on more important areas of her life. Like her baaaabyyy!!! For further details refer to post below. Hopefully she changes her name to Blazin' Bad Zula to really celebrate her African culture.
Exhibit B: Britney Spears
Style: The 'Put a spear in me, i'm done'.
Dykies: 15
OMG....make over!!!! There's nothing like a break down to inspire an image change. Or she may have just realised that she ACTUALLY married K-Fed and wanted to make herself completely undesirable to rid her life of precision facial hair. Brit looks almost retarded without hair, yet someone must have rated it highly because above is a tattoo some moron had tattooed on their bicep to honor the monumental celeBRITy event. I'm planning on having the moment when Paris Hilton flashed her vagina exiting a limo on my face. Huge!!!!!
Exhibit C: Hilary Duff
Style: The 'Big muff'.
Dykies: 21 (and maybe another 21 for the next 21 years that she'll spend searching for a decent film role. Get your cans out that always means Oscar! )
Your a haircut repeater Lizzie McGuire! You should shave your head for real but I guess dating the lead singer from Good(hardly) Charlotte is punk enough. Haha it's fantastic that I can simply type 'Hilary Duff Shaved Head' into Google and find an image of the H-Duff with no hair. Profit, I didn't even need to enlist the genius of photoshop myself.
Exhibit D: Sinéad O'Connor
Style: Les Normps
Dykies: 53
The orignial head shaver Sinead O'Connor has been rocking the 'Les Normps' shorn hairdo since before I was born. I probs had more hair than her upon my arrival, she was probably on a steady number 1 trim. Sinead really should be winning this 'In Too Deep' but i'm not convinced of her sexual status, I'm as confused as a drunk girl that accidently(or not so accidently) makes out with her best girl friend at Prom. O'Connor has been married twice and popped out 4 children! Then in 2000 she outed herself stating "I'm a dyke ... although I haven't been very open about that and throughout most of my life I've gone out with blokes because I haven't necessarily been terribly comfortable about being a big lesbian mule. But I actually am a dyke." Later she told a magazine that she may have been over-compensating to declare herself as a lesbian and that she was not to be put 'in a box of any description'(Well that's not what the girl you were licking out last night said). She now describes herself like this, "I'm three-quarters heterosexual, a quarter gay. I lean a bit more towards the hairy blokes". So your a submarine lesbian? Bitch please, your making Katy Perry seem as though she respects gay representation and rights. If you kissed a girl and liked it, just admit it baldie. I won't be o'CONned!!!
Exhibit Middle E: Natalie Portman
Style: The 'Middle Eastern Dome'.
Dykies: 126 (for the amount of girl boners she has inflicted upon me. Babe.)
Nothing says dyke like vegan footwear. And our favourite Israeli American actress knows how a bald head should look and the benefits of animal friendly footwear. Nat founded a fantastic website http://makingof.com/, has a bachelor's degree in psychology from Harvard because she'd "...rather be smart than a movie star" Oh melt!!!
She even has a band named after her shaved head. Easy win.
Solange Knowles Snip Snip
Like many before her, Beyonce's lil' sis has joined the strange hall of shame that we're calling the Fem Shaved Head Posse. They should actually form a band. But has this D-celeb even thought of the ramifications of her actions at all? Samuel Oak investigates.
Accessing http://twitter.com/solangeknowles was obviously the first step. But all I gathered from this is that shes actually ok. I mean her tweets are funny and shes a fan of Grizzly Bear and Japanese food, how could I judge her shit haircute based on her Tweeter page? I cant'!
So I stay away from this and read trashy blogs, much like this one, but ones with actual writers, or at least writer monkeys. Stylelist.com say
"It takes a lot of guts for a girl to get rid of her hair, and we salute Solange for her fearlessness"
And Gather.com did a HOT or NOT special on the fashion faux-pa, making it a touchy issue. Their sassy bi-racial writer wrote ..
"Some of you may be thinking, 'Big whoop. A celebrity got a haircut.' Actually, it means much more. There's a lot of pressure in our society for black women to keep their hair a certain way. Straight hair is what is beautiful. I'm biracial, so I have what is referred to as 'good hair'."
Wait a minute fool! How does Salonge (however the fuck you want to pronounce this) invoke pressure to black women everywhere. Shes not even famous. Or a real person. In fact we know for a fact that Salonge is actually a space creature / robot hybrid that Oprah contols to do her evil bidding. I also love in this article how the writer monkey refers to her own hair as "good hair", i mean come on, modest much? Also I'm sick to death of these crakers being all up in other people grill about racceee and colloouurr. Let that shit go, I mean as this bitch said: "I'm not racist, I can go into an Asian store and at least find something half decent" (mX, tuesday). Can't we all just get along.. in a sarcastic and judgemental and hateful fashion?
So long story short. For Solange, it was a close shave (he he). lets just hope she knows a good wigist.
Now get out of my sight, you disgust me.
August 13, 2009
Spotted: Tramp
Apparently lamb shanks attract cats these days. WTF? I know weird, but it did happen, not even to a friend of a friend of mine but me. My roomate is obsessed with animals, to the point that she would allow a strange animal to enter our house.
Reason.....'he followed me in.
-Why don't you kick him out?
-Oh but he could get cold.
-So?????'
And this is where the drama and deception began. The animal in question is this pussy.....
He may seem cute but seriously this cat is.....goddamn evil!
We were sucked in and blinded by this creature, I even named him Daisy 2.0 after my favourite family cat. Turns out the situation is like 'Lady Gaga's Fame 2.0', it's similar to the original 'Fame' but it's wrong and you can't quite put your finger on it, all you know is that it's shit. I ended up refering to him as Clifford after the Spice Girls' tour manager in 'Spiceworld', which was soon shortened to Cliffy. Little did we know, that while accepting this creature as a friend and confidant he would use and abuse us for our love, affection and shelter (cleverly sneaking over the back fence while we had a fag in the courtyard waltzing through the house, even after we'd just kicked him out the front door). Cliffy took advantage of our hospitality, resorting to eating our food and having his way with my blanket. That blanket will never be the same again, considering it may be pregnant. Cliffy you are nothing but a two bit whore and we've seen the poster that someone posted about you. You've brought shame on the whole community. I hope you get de-sexed, tramp!!!!
Reason.....'he followed me in.
-Why don't you kick him out?
-Oh but he could get cold.
-So?????'
And this is where the drama and deception began. The animal in question is this pussy.....
He may seem cute but seriously this cat is.....goddamn evil!
We were sucked in and blinded by this creature, I even named him Daisy 2.0 after my favourite family cat. Turns out the situation is like 'Lady Gaga's Fame 2.0', it's similar to the original 'Fame' but it's wrong and you can't quite put your finger on it, all you know is that it's shit. I ended up refering to him as Clifford after the Spice Girls' tour manager in 'Spiceworld', which was soon shortened to Cliffy. Little did we know, that while accepting this creature as a friend and confidant he would use and abuse us for our love, affection and shelter (cleverly sneaking over the back fence while we had a fag in the courtyard waltzing through the house, even after we'd just kicked him out the front door). Cliffy took advantage of our hospitality, resorting to eating our food and having his way with my blanket. That blanket will never be the same again, considering it may be pregnant. Cliffy you are nothing but a two bit whore and we've seen the poster that someone posted about you. You've brought shame on the whole community. I hope you get de-sexed, tramp!!!!
August 12, 2009
In Too Deep: Crunkcore
Brace yourselves. This shit is intense. Almost as intense the sex between The Buttplug Gnome and the Melbourne Anus sculpture would be in the were finally reunited. It's a musical genre that has my head in a spin. Whether this spin is a good thing or not is besides the point becuase I had way too much fun researching this for this 'In Too Deep'
Its a mash between rap/rnb and screamo/emo/metal. It's two forbidden lovers disobeying the orders of their opressive fathers and meeting in the courtyard at midnight to make sweet romanctic love. Its like someone fucked up the yingyang by putting it in a blender. Ive hand picked a few examples of some "artists" producing this form of music. Im not sure exactly who the 'crunkcore' scene is, but im sure Flinders street station will be spilling with them soon enough. I think they wear baggy pants, loads of fluro accesories and have multi tone hair, but also have piercings and bad tattoos. Well Well. Its seems I have to now come up with a measurement of 'crunkness' when rating the bands. I think I'll call them crunkies. the more crunkies awarded to a band, the more ultimately crunkcore they are. Lets get crunk, bitches AAAWWRRRFGGHHH!
Exhibit A: Hadouken!
Song In Question: That Boy That Girl
Others Worth Noting: Liquid Lives, Crank It Up
Crunkies: 5.7
Im not sure how c'core these guys are but I went out ona limb to find one that wasnt that bad. I mean I can mildly tolerate these guys. Mostly they use ol' skool brirish 'innit-isms to create the badass feel and of course they always rap/sing about alchol, violence, drugs, sloppy drunk sex and being 'indie'. So Im a tad impressed. Yet confused. Why do they feel the need to involve so much coloured paper and scribbly writing in everything they do, get some variety bitches. All in all they aint too awful, yet I would defiantly appreciate more rnb style ballads (with screaming).
Exhibit B: Hollywood Undead
Song In Question: Bitches
Others Worth Noting: Undead, Young
Crunkies: 2
I dig that at the start of 'Bitches' it sounds like Alicia Keys is gonna drop in when the vocals start with some subtle yet strong female vocals. But its some beardy guys with face paint sayin' "I wont stop till I hit that hoe". This song also has more great lyrics like "Shes only 17, i aint a pedophile." and "get your drunk ass over here lets go." This seems to be a trend of c'core: drunk sloppy sex. But the back beat is so Rnb its not funny. I think it actually is from a Rhianna song or something. But these guys have major image issues. I mean some other songs just sound like Linkin Park lite, which is like lite lite. So Hollywood Undead are about as fun as fat free sourcream. 2 crunkies from me.
Exhibit C: Family Force 5
Song In Question: Love Addict
Others Worth Noting: Dance or Die, Earthquake
Crunkies: 26.3
Now were getting somewhere. These guys have a great balance between scream and hiphop. Yet sometimes they could be a little bit too on the scream side and not enough hip. I love in 'Love Addict' when it breaks down half way through into a GaGa inspired robo-voice chant. Yeah. The Name is fantastic too. First I though about 'Spice Force 5' from the Spiceworld Movie, then I thought Jackson 5, and then I just realized its a ridiculous name and I should probably stop comparing it to even more ridiculous concepts. Heck, Im off to go fuck some bitches, 26.3 crunkies from me.
Exhibit D: BrokeNCYDE
Song In Question: Freakxxx
Others Worth Noting: Get Crunk
Crunkies: 2 Crunk 4 u
This is the holygrail right here. Tweeted to me by a friend, this clip will have you so confused image wise and aurally that you may die. I did... and got ressureceded as a massive Crunker with a screming attitute to bitches and the world!! YEAHHH! But seriously, Its like watching an innocent puppy drown. its awkward, sad, but you cant take your eyes off and you also cant help but want to dance to it. I love the fact that they have employed hiphop/rnb video clip ideas with having hoes and a fancy car and some shit green screen visuals but then added some really awful screaming that features WAY too heavily in the background. It sounds like some screamo cunts wanted to sabotage a tape of Chris Browns. I love the bit when he says "bitches want to sex me" and "coz i dont waste my time with lesbians" too crunk to rate.
So now your probably feeling filthy, freaky, and crunk. So have a bath and forget this ever happened. Are we cool to do that? But! If you're actually feeling this stuff then I recommend you also investigate Mindless Self Indulgence, Dir en grey, and Dot Dot Curve. But dont tell anyone about it.
Its a mash between rap/rnb and screamo/emo/metal. It's two forbidden lovers disobeying the orders of their opressive fathers and meeting in the courtyard at midnight to make sweet romanctic love. Its like someone fucked up the yingyang by putting it in a blender. Ive hand picked a few examples of some "artists" producing this form of music. Im not sure exactly who the 'crunkcore' scene is, but im sure Flinders street station will be spilling with them soon enough. I think they wear baggy pants, loads of fluro accesories and have multi tone hair, but also have piercings and bad tattoos. Well Well. Its seems I have to now come up with a measurement of 'crunkness' when rating the bands. I think I'll call them crunkies. the more crunkies awarded to a band, the more ultimately crunkcore they are. Lets get crunk, bitches AAAWWRRRFGGHHH!
Exhibit A: Hadouken!
Song In Question: That Boy That Girl
Others Worth Noting: Liquid Lives, Crank It Up
Crunkies: 5.7
Im not sure how c'core these guys are but I went out ona limb to find one that wasnt that bad. I mean I can mildly tolerate these guys. Mostly they use ol' skool brirish 'innit-isms to create the badass feel and of course they always rap/sing about alchol, violence, drugs, sloppy drunk sex and being 'indie'. So Im a tad impressed. Yet confused. Why do they feel the need to involve so much coloured paper and scribbly writing in everything they do, get some variety bitches. All in all they aint too awful, yet I would defiantly appreciate more rnb style ballads (with screaming).
Exhibit B: Hollywood Undead
Song In Question: Bitches
Others Worth Noting: Undead, Young
Crunkies: 2
I dig that at the start of 'Bitches' it sounds like Alicia Keys is gonna drop in when the vocals start with some subtle yet strong female vocals. But its some beardy guys with face paint sayin' "I wont stop till I hit that hoe". This song also has more great lyrics like "Shes only 17, i aint a pedophile." and "get your drunk ass over here lets go." This seems to be a trend of c'core: drunk sloppy sex. But the back beat is so Rnb its not funny. I think it actually is from a Rhianna song or something. But these guys have major image issues. I mean some other songs just sound like Linkin Park lite, which is like lite lite. So Hollywood Undead are about as fun as fat free sourcream. 2 crunkies from me.
Exhibit C: Family Force 5
Song In Question: Love Addict
Others Worth Noting: Dance or Die, Earthquake
Crunkies: 26.3
Now were getting somewhere. These guys have a great balance between scream and hiphop. Yet sometimes they could be a little bit too on the scream side and not enough hip. I love in 'Love Addict' when it breaks down half way through into a GaGa inspired robo-voice chant. Yeah. The Name is fantastic too. First I though about 'Spice Force 5' from the Spiceworld Movie, then I thought Jackson 5, and then I just realized its a ridiculous name and I should probably stop comparing it to even more ridiculous concepts. Heck, Im off to go fuck some bitches, 26.3 crunkies from me.
Exhibit D: BrokeNCYDE
Song In Question: Freakxxx
Others Worth Noting: Get Crunk
Crunkies: 2 Crunk 4 u
This is the holygrail right here. Tweeted to me by a friend, this clip will have you so confused image wise and aurally that you may die. I did... and got ressureceded as a massive Crunker with a screming attitute to bitches and the world!! YEAHHH! But seriously, Its like watching an innocent puppy drown. its awkward, sad, but you cant take your eyes off and you also cant help but want to dance to it. I love the fact that they have employed hiphop/rnb video clip ideas with having hoes and a fancy car and some shit green screen visuals but then added some really awful screaming that features WAY too heavily in the background. It sounds like some screamo cunts wanted to sabotage a tape of Chris Browns. I love the bit when he says "bitches want to sex me" and "coz i dont waste my time with lesbians" too crunk to rate.
So now your probably feeling filthy, freaky, and crunk. So have a bath and forget this ever happened. Are we cool to do that? But! If you're actually feeling this stuff then I recommend you also investigate Mindless Self Indulgence, Dir en grey, and Dot Dot Curve. But dont tell anyone about it.
Gamemaster Resurfaces.
Previously on New Zealand's Next Top Model..
In a recent attempt to find the perfect costume for an up coming Nintendo themed birthday party, we stumbled upon an old superfriend. Captain N. He was Nintendo's answer to timeless notion of product placement. This ordinary-kid-turned-gamemaster-superhero along with his dopey dog sidekick have been transported into the video realm to fight the badies along side link, princess peach, megaman and others. The badies are the best part though, as one is a huge eggplant alien with one eye, who makes camp grunts occasionally instead of speaking.
Here's just a little taste but we assure you it will have you watching all 26 episodes before dawn when you will have to retreat inside as the sunlight forces your vampire body to burst into flames. But will Captian-N make a comeback? or are we just a tad nerdy.. and when I say this i do mean Asian.
All in all, my favourite part of our re-discovery is Captian-N's tres sexy varsity jacket with a nice "N" sewed on. We've been trying to find one on e-bay (ok.. craigslist) for days.
Run along now.
In a recent attempt to find the perfect costume for an up coming Nintendo themed birthday party, we stumbled upon an old superfriend. Captain N. He was Nintendo's answer to timeless notion of product placement. This ordinary-kid-turned-gamemaster-superhero along with his dopey dog sidekick have been transported into the video realm to fight the badies along side link, princess peach, megaman and others. The badies are the best part though, as one is a huge eggplant alien with one eye, who makes camp grunts occasionally instead of speaking.
Here's just a little taste but we assure you it will have you watching all 26 episodes before dawn when you will have to retreat inside as the sunlight forces your vampire body to burst into flames. But will Captian-N make a comeback? or are we just a tad nerdy.. and when I say this i do mean Asian.
All in all, my favourite part of our re-discovery is Captian-N's tres sexy varsity jacket with a nice "N" sewed on. We've been trying to find one on e-bay (ok.. craigslist) for days.
Run along now.
August 11, 2009
Melbourne is: Sculpture.
Konichiwa Bitches!
Our new segment is named 'Melbourne is', as we noticed that Melbourne has a beautiful, dirty, rich culture! This concept came to fruition while we were having sneaky drinks at Sister Bellas a few weeks back for Lou's homecoming after she was climbing mountains and shit in Indo. Bizarre concept for us to swallow as well, and we don't even eat toilet paper, like this babe we saw on Tyra Bank's addiction themed show. (Shout out to Eloise for helping to develop the concept with us.)
So here's our first post about the Melbs. We did envisage having Jen Hawkins or Livinia Nixon do a video intro for us however their publicists keep screening our phone calls....whatever we'll try Megan Gale she's classer anyway but still able to slum it ie. Andy Lee. She don't discriminate.
On Southbank, near the dodgy end of Crown, you'll find this conspicuous piece of 'arse', sorry I mean 'art'. Like us, you must think that they look like....a pair of arseholes! We've decided that the real tight one is Sam.......and i'm the loose one, for obvious reasons. Seriously at what point did anyone think this was appropriate or non-suggestive to say the least? Interestingly the sculptures are unlabeled by plaque or other inscriptions. They simply exist to confuse or for us to attempt to explain their function logically. And the 'end' that we concluded to was butt. Melbourne, we love your butt(s)!
xoxo x&h girl
August 10, 2009
Euroshit: Buttplug Gnome
Rotterdam, my favorite Dutch city, situated close to Amsterdam (well everythings close actually as its fuckin' tiny) Has not that recently placed a controversial statue in its city center. the sculpture, standing around 4 to 4 metres tall is called Santa Claus by Paul McCarthy, but is affectionatly reffered to as Buttplug Gnome. I recently met 'Buttplug Gnome' in my travels and thought it was worth sharing with the world. Why isnt it world famous?
This is it in it's original resting place, The Boijmans Van Beuningen Museum. But to move it to its current place in town (see below) it was.. get this.. air lifted. People complained about seeing a giant gnome holding a buttplug fly through the sky, causing controversy.
This is my cheeky snap of it, from a moth ago. Check out the Bus in front of it, in Dutch its a preachy J*sus quote. ew. Get away from my gnome Jes*s freaks.
Ive gotta say it personally turns me on a tad.
This is it in it's original resting place, The Boijmans Van Beuningen Museum. But to move it to its current place in town (see below) it was.. get this.. air lifted. People complained about seeing a giant gnome holding a buttplug fly through the sky, causing controversy.
This is my cheeky snap of it, from a moth ago. Check out the Bus in front of it, in Dutch its a preachy J*sus quote. ew. Get away from my gnome Jes*s freaks.
Ive gotta say it personally turns me on a tad.
In Too Deep: Twitter
Okay, so we're all obsessing over the lastest social networking craze these days. One minute its Adult Matchmaker, the next its Bebo, then it's back to Adult Matchmaker. But how about we just cut the shit. All we really want from these sites (besides cock shots) is our 15 minutes. Some fame, recognition and even praise for nothing else but being our lame selves. Twitter answered our prayers. All you need to do is write whatever garbage nonsensical pornographic things you want, and people wil totally worship your feet. Well thats how me and my explosive ego are handeling it anyways. So I thought 'In Too Deep' should rate some Twatters out there and give them rating, as we love to do here on X&H. So I think the scale should be called twatsicles. The more twatsicles one Tweeter gets the more we've enjoyed watching them Twat on our screens. Turning you on yet?
Exhibit A: /7pmprojectsucks
Fave tweet to date: "Will this be the week that the 7PM project gets the axe?? What will Charlie do when the job ends (no Nova fallback for him!)"
So I have no idea who started this but they have a point. The new hit Ten progam (sorry for this Ten as I love you..) sucks. But they, as tweeters equally suck. I mean check out the typos (like I can talk) in the tweet featured above. Im only giving them..
3.5 twatsicles. (the 3.5 is all due to Ruby Rose being uber hot and sometimes guest staring, all the points are hers-Whitney Port)
Exhibit B: /fashion_hayley
Fave tweet to date: "Just got asked in the elevator of my building if I was from Israel??? Strange."
So. Very own blog rival Fash-Hay (as we now call her) has started to tweet. Yes! Now I dont even need to check the blog regularly! This sassy fashy fashionista twats mainly about Project Runway Australia and genreal banter. But why did some guy in the lift ask her if she was from Israel? I dont get it. Maybe he was hitting on her. man theres too much going on in that single tweet, my head is sore already. Im gonna give a hefty..
15 twatsicles.
Exhibit C: /THE_REAL_SHAQ
Fave tweet to date: "If you are holding on to past hurts and pains…LET IT GO!!!"
So Shaq gave in to the celbrity pressure to start a Tweeter account of his own, and as the title suggests.. its "THE REAAAL SHAQ" (said in my best possible shaqcent). He dishes out inspirational advice and basically just keeps it real. Also refer to /BarackObama and /tyrabanks for more blackspirational tweeters. As much as I want to give him a 69, im gonna give him a lil more as well, so its a..
78.6 twatsicles.
Exhibit D: /xanaxandheroin
Fave tweet to date: "I think Lady Gaga just offended me. I thought I was unoffendable. Sigh."
So.. was this whole 'In Too Deep' just a shameful ploy to get you to read our very own Tweeteter account? Nien! X&H's very own Whitney Port loves to shout out the occasional profanity on this very special Twat account. I recommened all follow it loyally and with pride. Except I think Whitney may be a tad obsessed with the whole idea, she hasnt eaten for weeks, or maybes shes just on that new extacy and Mcdonald's diet and I havent taken notice. Either way rugmunchers, this is one good twot. A totally un-biast..
101.1 twasticles.
Or is that a quality radio station? I dunno. Im getting sick of all these words. Thanks twitter, for slowly but shorelee ruin'n de ensh lang. btch. l8rz @theendofpost RT @mybutt
Exhibit A: /7pmprojectsucks
Fave tweet to date: "Will this be the week that the 7PM project gets the axe?? What will Charlie do when the job ends (no Nova fallback for him!)"
So I have no idea who started this but they have a point. The new hit Ten progam (sorry for this Ten as I love you..) sucks. But they, as tweeters equally suck. I mean check out the typos (like I can talk) in the tweet featured above. Im only giving them..
3.5 twatsicles. (the 3.5 is all due to Ruby Rose being uber hot and sometimes guest staring, all the points are hers-Whitney Port)
Exhibit B: /fashion_hayley
Fave tweet to date: "Just got asked in the elevator of my building if I was from Israel??? Strange."
So. Very own blog rival Fash-Hay (as we now call her) has started to tweet. Yes! Now I dont even need to check the blog regularly! This sassy fashy fashionista twats mainly about Project Runway Australia and genreal banter. But why did some guy in the lift ask her if she was from Israel? I dont get it. Maybe he was hitting on her. man theres too much going on in that single tweet, my head is sore already. Im gonna give a hefty..
15 twatsicles.
Exhibit C: /THE_REAL_SHAQ
Fave tweet to date: "If you are holding on to past hurts and pains…LET IT GO!!!"
So Shaq gave in to the celbrity pressure to start a Tweeter account of his own, and as the title suggests.. its "THE REAAAL SHAQ" (said in my best possible shaqcent). He dishes out inspirational advice and basically just keeps it real. Also refer to /BarackObama and /tyrabanks for more blackspirational tweeters. As much as I want to give him a 69, im gonna give him a lil more as well, so its a..
78.6 twatsicles.
Exhibit D: /xanaxandheroin
Fave tweet to date: "I think Lady Gaga just offended me. I thought I was unoffendable. Sigh."
So.. was this whole 'In Too Deep' just a shameful ploy to get you to read our very own Tweeteter account? Nien! X&H's very own Whitney Port loves to shout out the occasional profanity on this very special Twat account. I recommened all follow it loyally and with pride. Except I think Whitney may be a tad obsessed with the whole idea, she hasnt eaten for weeks, or maybes shes just on that new extacy and Mcdonald's diet and I havent taken notice. Either way rugmunchers, this is one good twot. A totally un-biast..
101.1 twasticles.
Or is that a quality radio station? I dunno. Im getting sick of all these words. Thanks twitter, for slowly but shorelee ruin'n de ensh lang. btch. l8rz @theendofpost RT @mybutt
Euroshit: Våd the fuck is dis?
Just a small exerpt from somethign strange I observed on my travels. In my elevator up to the 5th floor, of building 84, in my appartment in Jönköping, Sweden there was a strange sign. I never quite got it. But its fucking hilarious, lets just have a look see shall we and come up with some possible solutions..
Rough translation på engelska..
Warning of the clamp risk
Its dangerous to transport goods in the lift as it has no door or gate.
ok so firstly.. WTF. Its basically telling me that if I am to carry a bin in this exact lift, that my face will end up on the ceiling thanks to the fact that the lift is without a door, creating a spring board effect onto my body.
that is all.
Rough translation på engelska..
Warning of the clamp risk
Its dangerous to transport goods in the lift as it has no door or gate.
ok so firstly.. WTF. Its basically telling me that if I am to carry a bin in this exact lift, that my face will end up on the ceiling thanks to the fact that the lift is without a door, creating a spring board effect onto my body.
that is all.
August 9, 2009
Silver Cigarette Award for excellence in: Talk show entertainment.
MAURY POVICH is the winner!!!
We never thought the day would come that Jerry Springer would ever be surpassed in the trash department. Being sent to detention for mentioning Jerry Springer in Yr.7 sport almost doesn't seem worth it now in my opinion. You know you did the wrong thing Miss. Watt!! Your were jealous that at the age of 13 I was open to discussing explicit themes that are intended to challenge societies idea of appropriate civil conduct, without flinching. I'm sure you also would have flinched if a netball came galloping towards your head, because I never can recall you actually playing a sport. Erhmmmm excuse the malicious attack on educational professionals. I understand they have their place in society.
The reason why Maury Povich recieved this award over Jerry Springer is evident in the following clip. It explains itself clearly. And provides hours of entertainment when reinacting the whole 7:46 minute clip to anyone who'll listen. Which I have done...proudly. But it's cool.....coz I got it like that!!!!
Content really does make a show unforgettable. If that wasn't enough reason to award MP, hold your socks! We will now witness the blatant exploitation of people's fears. Now my fear is that I could end up on a show like this one day....or the fear that it is my dream.
But wait there's more: pickles, mustard, peaches, cotton balls etc. It's endless!!
5/5 Staircases.
Let's float and pop over 300 times!!
We never thought the day would come that Jerry Springer would ever be surpassed in the trash department. Being sent to detention for mentioning Jerry Springer in Yr.7 sport almost doesn't seem worth it now in my opinion. You know you did the wrong thing Miss. Watt!! Your were jealous that at the age of 13 I was open to discussing explicit themes that are intended to challenge societies idea of appropriate civil conduct, without flinching. I'm sure you also would have flinched if a netball came galloping towards your head, because I never can recall you actually playing a sport. Erhmmmm excuse the malicious attack on educational professionals. I understand they have their place in society.
The reason why Maury Povich recieved this award over Jerry Springer is evident in the following clip. It explains itself clearly. And provides hours of entertainment when reinacting the whole 7:46 minute clip to anyone who'll listen. Which I have done...proudly. But it's cool.....coz I got it like that!!!!
Content really does make a show unforgettable. If that wasn't enough reason to award MP, hold your socks! We will now witness the blatant exploitation of people's fears. Now my fear is that I could end up on a show like this one day....or the fear that it is my dream.
But wait there's more: pickles, mustard, peaches, cotton balls etc. It's endless!!
5/5 Staircases.
Let's float and pop over 300 times!!
August 8, 2009
Spotted: Beyonce
To continue on with the mutlicultural celebration we present to you 'I Seen Beyonce'. Wait a minute you say......I notice a familiar visual vibe. Yes it's all true, the same people from Jonte's 'Bitch you Betta' directed this fantastical masterpiece of media. After watching this you'll be better for it.
I'm throughly jealous we didn't create this. However here is something we prepared earlier. So let's celebrate wh**e people! Now you might recognise some of the hip and happenin' peepz in this clip. But if you haven't seen this already, you are not worthy of the 'internets'. Prepare to be raped in the face.
Credit is due, so step up and comment! Don't go breakin' my heart. Unforgivable!
I'm throughly jealous we didn't create this. However here is something we prepared earlier. So let's celebrate wh**e people! Now you might recognise some of the hip and happenin' peepz in this clip. But if you haven't seen this already, you are not worthy of the 'internets'. Prepare to be raped in the face.
She Gay - Camp Camp Revolution from Sam Cremean on Vimeo.
Credit is due, so step up and comment! Don't go breakin' my heart. Unforgivable!
Bl**k People Are Nice Too.
As we all know, as Poh was robbed of her Masterchef title, racism is so sad. To celebrate this I present you a series of videos to ensure that racism is put down like a sick dog.
Introducing Jonte. Now you've seen his work before, you just didn't realize it. This sexy 6 foot something peice of pure ebony extacy is Beyone Knowles (famous bl**k woman) choreographer. So his moves are heaps better than hers, and his booty is also far more impressive, as an un-biast gay man i say this. Jonte FINALLY has his own recording deal, which has lead him to superstardom in Nippon (asi**s come from here). The first single, 'Bitch You Betta' has a real bl**k aggresion vibe, but is also ridiculously camp, so we like it. The lyrics are genius. "First ya knew but now you know."
The obvious racial tension in the "Leave (Get Out)" music video is awsome. Jojo is not only racially confused, but she has a really shit name. Yet. She has an awsome T-shirt that says "Boy's Stink!" on it, channeling the Spice Girls with a little bit mor agression, but a sassy fashion statement none-the-less. Maybe I did just want an exsuse to post this song, and this is all bullshit, but fuck you. After one listen you'll feel invinsible and way too hot for any male on the planet. In fact why doesnt Jojo just become a clam diving d*ke? I'd respect that.
Introducing Jonte. Now you've seen his work before, you just didn't realize it. This sexy 6 foot something peice of pure ebony extacy is Beyone Knowles (famous bl**k woman) choreographer. So his moves are heaps better than hers, and his booty is also far more impressive, as an un-biast gay man i say this. Jonte FINALLY has his own recording deal, which has lead him to superstardom in Nippon (asi**s come from here). The first single, 'Bitch You Betta' has a real bl**k aggresion vibe, but is also ridiculously camp, so we like it. The lyrics are genius. "First ya knew but now you know."
The obvious racial tension in the "Leave (Get Out)" music video is awsome. Jojo is not only racially confused, but she has a really shit name. Yet. She has an awsome T-shirt that says "Boy's Stink!" on it, channeling the Spice Girls with a little bit mor agression, but a sassy fashion statement none-the-less. Maybe I did just want an exsuse to post this song, and this is all bullshit, but fuck you. After one listen you'll feel invinsible and way too hot for any male on the planet. In fact why doesnt Jojo just become a clam diving d*ke? I'd respect that.
August 7, 2009
In Too Deep: Snaughty Games
Super Nintendo is considered the best console in gaming history and I think we figured out why. Because of the amateur porn cartridges! These games were never stocked at Target or Kmart so I feel cheated that I never found out about ‘Snaughty’ games until now. Naturally I was shocked but after a strong clove of garlic I came around, because nothings worse than eating too much garlic. I'll outline and rate the games, but I too wish we could have an SMS poll. However those servers are too busy taking messages for Kylie Sandilands to be voted off the Idol judging panel. Personally I would’ve voted him off based on his face alone. Now.....sometimes the images don't look pixelated enough for a Snes game, we are not just perverts, you'll see that if you click and view the proper size you'll see that it's all genuine gamer joy.
The scale is measured in "snesites". The more snesites, the sexier the snes game is.
Exhibit A: ExMachina Design Adult Manga Part 1
½ Snesite
Exmachina had a promising start with a helpless innocent girl (the way we like it) being all tied up, literally. Unfortunately this was as far as the game got. Talk about premature, we’ll need to call Advanced Medical Institute they seem to have all the answers.
Exhibit Xu: Photo Album of Xu Ruo
25.5 Snesites
I’m not too certain about who Xu Ruo is but she must be a slut. Photo Album of Xu Ruo was faintly artistic but I can’t help but think that if the lighting was a little darker and models even younger this could be a Bill Henson photoshoot.
Ohhh what’s that up my butt? Sheeeet, I get enough of this shit from my clients, not you too wharf pole.
Left out in the wilderness without my clothes again. Whoops.
It’s cool this piece of wheat will block the wind.
Exhibit C: Sexy HK Game Girls
40 Snesites
These girls are sexy and from HK, not sure if they’re actually game girls. None of them are near a television or holding a game controller.
Um is this Whitney the Asian girl’s sister from Bring It On? Creepy. But she has spirit and probably a rash based on that pose. Be aggressive, B E aggressive, the motto of all good STI’s.
These guys are loving class over ass. There is so much bling going on in this mother f**cker.
Look Mum I found these under my bra! Pretty neat don’t you think?
Exhibit D: PornoManga
100 bajillion Snesites
Be prepared to laugh you face off and have it be melted in pure awe. This is all real, none of this photoshop s**t. I never thought I’d be shocked any more by Asian porn after seeing the Korean art house film ‘Lies’. These bitches are nasty and I award them top points for detail. Hence why I posted so many of the screen shots.
No messing about from the beginning…..actually this looks like a big mess she must have made SOME big daddy nut. I hope she’s hungry, cause this is probably the equivalent of a large triple quarter pounder with fries meal from MD’s.
I think this is bush, perhaps a merkin as it’s not attached and seems to have a remote control?
This poor bird is dealing with serious deforestation downstairs and also her wall of flesh is missing a lot of character. But at least this promotes the awareness of AIDS.
Yeeeehaaaaaa. In the wise words of Chuck Bass; this one, like a racehorse, will be ‘rode hard and put away wet’.
A very unorthodox method of playing piano, with your vagina flaps! Although I think I saw Chris Martin from Coldplay do this live in concert a little while back so it mustn’t be that rare a practice.
Porn Manga is our clear weiner!!!!! I feel so dirty now that I must shower…thoroughly.
The scale is measured in "snesites". The more snesites, the sexier the snes game is.
Exhibit A: ExMachina Design Adult Manga Part 1
½ Snesite
Exmachina had a promising start with a helpless innocent girl (the way we like it) being all tied up, literally. Unfortunately this was as far as the game got. Talk about premature, we’ll need to call Advanced Medical Institute they seem to have all the answers.
Exhibit Xu: Photo Album of Xu Ruo
25.5 Snesites
I’m not too certain about who Xu Ruo is but she must be a slut. Photo Album of Xu Ruo was faintly artistic but I can’t help but think that if the lighting was a little darker and models even younger this could be a Bill Henson photoshoot.
Ohhh what’s that up my butt? Sheeeet, I get enough of this shit from my clients, not you too wharf pole.
Left out in the wilderness without my clothes again. Whoops.
It’s cool this piece of wheat will block the wind.
Exhibit C: Sexy HK Game Girls
40 Snesites
These girls are sexy and from HK, not sure if they’re actually game girls. None of them are near a television or holding a game controller.
Um is this Whitney the Asian girl’s sister from Bring It On? Creepy. But she has spirit and probably a rash based on that pose. Be aggressive, B E aggressive, the motto of all good STI’s.
These guys are loving class over ass. There is so much bling going on in this mother f**cker.
Look Mum I found these under my bra! Pretty neat don’t you think?
Exhibit D: PornoManga
100 bajillion Snesites
Be prepared to laugh you face off and have it be melted in pure awe. This is all real, none of this photoshop s**t. I never thought I’d be shocked any more by Asian porn after seeing the Korean art house film ‘Lies’. These bitches are nasty and I award them top points for detail. Hence why I posted so many of the screen shots.
No messing about from the beginning…..actually this looks like a big mess she must have made SOME big daddy nut. I hope she’s hungry, cause this is probably the equivalent of a large triple quarter pounder with fries meal from MD’s.
I think this is bush, perhaps a merkin as it’s not attached and seems to have a remote control?
This poor bird is dealing with serious deforestation downstairs and also her wall of flesh is missing a lot of character. But at least this promotes the awareness of AIDS.
Yeeeehaaaaaa. In the wise words of Chuck Bass; this one, like a racehorse, will be ‘rode hard and put away wet’.
A very unorthodox method of playing piano, with your vagina flaps! Although I think I saw Chris Martin from Coldplay do this live in concert a little while back so it mustn’t be that rare a practice.
Porn Manga is our clear weiner!!!!! I feel so dirty now that I must shower…thoroughly.
August 6, 2009
Silver Cigarette Award for excellence in: Hospitality
TAKE AWAY FOOD Milkbar is the winner!
It is not often that I rate a perfect score, but something about this place makes it a winner in every way. Go try it, we cannot wait until we visit again, it was a different but strangely refreshing experience. They have all the essentials 'Ice-creams. Smokes. The Paper', as detailed on their shop window. And we bought all three options. Not to mention its superb location, opposite the Commission Housing in the hub of South Melb. These guys are going to put all the surrounding supermarkets in the district out of business.
5/5 Fake booby aprons!
We must be off now, Sam and I need to shake our vaginas to 'Bootylicious'.
In Too Deep: Drama
Ive decided 'In Too Deep' will be a reoccurring segment with a different subject each time. The subject will be placed in a vile and heated from underneath with a lighter, before being suctioned up by a syringe and injected deeply into the filthy aids-ridden bloodstream of an X&H blogger. This time (the debut!) its me. Woo.
Drama is all around us. In trees, lakes, and forest habitats. But the main living place for drama seems to Television programming, so I will focus on this as the subject of this insightful thesis. In fact I have had it up to he4re will all the drama! Can't our fave characters just get along?! Ive devised a rating system for all you drama nuts so you can see which shows have the most amount of this frustrating tension building stuff. I mean you'll want to know how much involving drama you're getting yourself into.
The scale is measured in "dramites". The more dramites, the more drama.
Exhibit A: Dawson's Creek
Dramites: 2
Dawson Leery has never had too much luck with the girls. This is probably because James Van Der Beek's forehead is massively obese (poor casting choice) and because he speaks in a series of bad 90's film quotes. But the drama of Capeside doesnt stop there, Grams is always looking to stir up some trouble with a witty 'god-on-her-side' remark that is sure to cause drama. Im only giving it 2 dramites as theres only 2 love intrests for Dawson over like 7 seasons of this shit. And both have incredibly unflattering and just plain bland fashion sense. I'd probs rather rape Grams than Dawson acually. I mean if I had to do one of them.
Exhibit B: NYC Prep
Dramites: 10
Fuck Gossip Girl! After Bravo introduced the latest in reality drama, and because they have already done "The Real Housewives Of" in all 64 U.S states, GG is dead to me! Introducing a new band of 15-18 year old NYC prepschool brats. There is one episode where one of the brunette girls obsessing over the lame 'surfer look ing' guy (who claims he can speak french, its hilarious) is super sad about her funeral. We then discover that the person in question is a dog. She has a fit screaming "I dont wanna say a nything at Lily's funeral, its too hard!". Not to mention the "not-so-bi-curious" PC who becomes the egotistical center of the show, and takes Mexico by storm by 'embracing the culture' (he seriously just puts on a novelty pink sombrero). If that's not quite a lot of drama then I dont know anymore. Maybe I have lost a considerable amount of my drama gaugeing braincells from watching this. I do recommend this to all drama fans though.
Exhibit C: Neighbours
Dramites: 27.2
Thats right. The mere longevity of this soap has to be appriecated. Whilst watching last night I gathered that some ugly semi-wog guy is sad beacuse his girlfriend who bore his child, named after one of the shitest countries ever, India, had been killed by some crazy bitch. He was ABOUT to pawn off the precious family ring to pay for a lawsuitbut backed out last minute when he realized that family is what he'd been fi ghting for! As for India. I personally would have aborted that bitch anyway, but now that she's out, I'd get dpol on that shit to get it a better name and/or shotgun to the head. Gotta love some 'aussie drama' though. Whatever that even means.
Exhibit P: Paris Hiltion's My New BFF
Dramites: 55
If drama had a face. It'd be as pretty as Paris Hilton's. So its only fitting that I take a turn to the vain side and select this sexy show as my next drama induced victim. Fill a house with 12 or so Paris obsessed lunatics all fighting for "1-on-1 time with Paris", which actually sounds really sexual and naughty, and you have a recipe for some D-R-A-M-A. But its not all digging through the worlds biggest cupcake to find eggs filled with gifts such as friendship rings and exotic dances, no!, its much more of a journey. I personally love this one contestant, who a friend of mine alerted was not a real person (refer above picture). In fact, Katie, from the second season of BFF is an alien who crawled into a flesh suit. Her mission from her home planet was to observe earth-drama and make a big splash when she left. I wont spoil it for you, but she may tell Paris to fuck off when she is inevitably eliminated.
Exhibit E: The Hills
Dramites: System Error
This is the birthplace of the drama. These sassy girls and thier boy toys inflict so much drama per epsidoe that our computer systems exploded before the theme song had even started. In its latest, fifth, season we meet Stacie, a sassy bartendress who has boyfriend stealing powers. She inflicts a stab into Heidi and Spencer's (Speidi) already crumbling relationship. Meanwhile Stephanie is fucking up at Peoples Revolution and Lauren has a moustache. Its too much handle on an empty stomach, im getting cheese fries.
And so concludes the exploration into the microcosm of drama. Ill be back next week delving deep into another deep topic.
Drama is all around us. In trees, lakes, and forest habitats. But the main living place for drama seems to Television programming, so I will focus on this as the subject of this insightful thesis. In fact I have had it up to he4re will all the drama! Can't our fave characters just get along?! Ive devised a rating system for all you drama nuts so you can see which shows have the most amount of this frustrating tension building stuff. I mean you'll want to know how much involving drama you're getting yourself into.
The scale is measured in "dramites". The more dramites, the more drama.
Exhibit A: Dawson's Creek
Dramites: 2
Dawson Leery has never had too much luck with the girls. This is probably because James Van Der Beek's forehead is massively obese (poor casting choice) and because he speaks in a series of bad 90's film quotes. But the drama of Capeside doesnt stop there, Grams is always looking to stir up some trouble with a witty 'god-on-her-side' remark that is sure to cause drama. Im only giving it 2 dramites as theres only 2 love intrests for Dawson over like 7 seasons of this shit. And both have incredibly unflattering and just plain bland fashion sense. I'd probs rather rape Grams than Dawson acually. I mean if I had to do one of them.
Exhibit B: NYC Prep
Dramites: 10
Fuck Gossip Girl! After Bravo introduced the latest in reality drama, and because they have already done "The Real Housewives Of
Dramites: 27.2
Thats right. The mere longevity of this soap has to be appriecated. Whilst watching last night I gathered that some ugly semi-wog guy is sad beacuse his girlfriend who bore his child, named after one of the shitest countries ever, India, had been killed by some crazy bitch. He was ABOUT to pawn off the precious family ring to pay for a lawsuit
Exhibit P: Paris Hiltion's My New BFF
Dramites: 55
If drama had a face. It'd be as pretty as Paris Hilton's. So its only fitting that I take a turn to the vain side and select this sexy show as my next drama induced victim. Fill a house with 12 or so Paris obsessed lunatics all fighting for "1-on-1 time with Paris", which actually sounds really sexual and naughty, and you have a recipe for some D-R-A-M-A. But its not all digging through the worlds biggest cupcake to find eggs filled with gifts such as friendship rings and exotic dances, no!, its much more of a journey. I personally love this one contestant, who a friend of mine alerted was not a real person (refer above picture). In fact, Katie, from the second season of BFF is an alien who crawled into a flesh suit. Her mission from her home planet was to observe earth-drama and make a big splash when she left. I wont spoil it for you, but she may tell Paris to fuck off when she is inevitably eliminated.
Exhibit E: The Hills
Dramites: System Error
This is the birthplace of the drama. These sassy girls and thier boy toys inflict so much drama per epsidoe that our computer systems exploded before the theme song had even started. In its latest, fifth, season we meet Stacie, a sassy bartendress who has boyfriend stealing powers. She inflicts a stab into Heidi and Spencer's (Speidi) already crumbling relationship. Meanwhile Stephanie is fucking up at Peoples Revolution and Lauren has a moustache. Its too much handle on an empty stomach, im getting cheese fries.
And so concludes the exploration into the microcosm of drama. Ill be back next week delving deep into another deep topic.
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