Melbourne Is: Culture

Sup homies and holes!

Who's the real vulture? Culture? Or the vulture? I'm not too sure about this conundrum, and either do Footsrcay based hip-hop group BANGS. And why would they, there too busy rolling in money and women, not to mention going on classy dates involving the movies and 2 for 1 Whoppers. They're the freshest new face on the Melbourne hip-hop scene. Hailing from Sudan (cultural) they intend on takin' gurlz to da moviez, being babez, and general just 'tude.

I love that Melbourne is so multicultural. I mean some days i'll walk into an asian store and find something at least half decent and smile to myself. We even have an entirely Asian run pretzel store in Melbourne Central station. And its really shit too.

But enough about Asia. Its Sudan's turn. These fresh of the boat hotties have even directed this amazing clip to their new hit song 'Take U To Da Movies'. Its kind of like Jay-Z meets Footscray Community Centre. I'm also feeling there deep cultural roots in this song too, making it even more cultural..They're almost celebrablack. Does this mean they carry celebraguns? Hell no, there aint enough faux five dollar notes in the blue screen backgrounds of they're clip to buy one round of ammo. Snap.

Im off to buy some XXL t-shirts and shutter shades bling from Hip Hop Master. If you also want this look visit them at 6A Paisley st Footscray. Shit yeah.

Melbourne Is: Fashion.

What the fuck. Ok so, its Melbourne Fashion week, and Im mega excited. Not for the fashion, or the event at all, but because the whole city fills with mega fashionbabes and all my favourite fashbloggers start circle jerking over the festivities. I think that we can see a few trends (or trenz) coming up this season and I will now explore these.

The first is Asian. This is now a fashion choice. It involves wearing dark hair, squinty eyes and awesome attitude where you can get away with saying things like "babes" and "kawaii" and not have people throw shit at your face.

The next is black. Not the race this time, the shade. Everyone seems to be depressed or some shit coz all i'm seeing on these fashion hoez is black. Sometime a dark beige or grey to accompany. Combined with the previous fashion trend you get a deadly Melbourne fashion combination. Sounds yummy.

The next is holes. Just cut them in all your clothes for instant cool. Im thinking of doing to my best prom dress even.

Another up-coming trend is platinum. I myself recently bleached the shit out of my hair and am now paying the repocusions as I scare people. But babeblooger Fashion Hayley (referpost: In Too Deep: Twitter [august]) It reppin this trend harcore. Shes combining it with Black, the second of my found trends effectivly.

Im also loving plaid. Lauren Conrad, fave ex-Hills celebrity knows this too. Were seeing plaid evereywhere right now. Street corners, my butt, even on the staircase.

Thats all. Get away from me.

Melbourne Is: Crime

I was sitting in a lecture theater filled will moaning beige students (plus me and Whit) whilst reflecting on my past pains and hurts, and it occurred to me. She the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. Its you Whit. I want to be Mr. Port. If only her last post didn't make it so obviously clear that I had fallen in love with a lesbian. While I was recovering from this thought (still in the beige lecture theater), I opened up my ears to listen to the "lecturer" talk.

She began by saying .. "you could write about anything.. even an international student.. being bashed."

The comic timing and placement of the words made this hilarious, and we all had a giggle, and come on, international students are funny anyway and so are bashings. So as our laughter escalated, some beige skank behind us claimed

"That's not even funny.. That's serious"

We then let out a huge chuckle at the hilariousness that was this beige girl. Anyway, this ond introduction brings us to today's 'Melbourne Is' topic.. Crime! Apparently Melbourne is becoming a dangerous metropolis in which one can't even walk down the streets without encountering a serial rapist like pictured below..



So.. is this true? We hit the streets to find out. Not really, I'm gonna make this up.

Aali (22, international student) hails from Nepal. He moved here 2 years ago to pursue a career in buisness management and accounting (geez, original Aali!!). Anyway Aali was recently taunted and bashed by a group of thugs, see below picture..



And barely survived. Oh Aali is also a taxi driver and he was semi-stabbed in a Taxi while driving it as a float in the anti-violence protest. Tough break. But I think the moral of the story here is that If you choose to be Indian, a student and taxi driver, you will suffer. Or a slutty stripper outside Spearmint Rhino. But While 'Underbelly' and that new 10 show 'Thrush' have shown us, If you don't have a violent city, there is no material for awsome crime shows where Kirtsy McKlements gets her boobs out and ex-Neighbours stars can feel a little hardcore.

Im tired of this. Im making a stand! More violence! So we can finally get a Melbourne version of 'Law & Order UK'.. which is really shit.

Melbourne is: Sculpture.

Konichiwa Bitches!
Our new segment is named 'Melbourne is', as we noticed that Melbourne has a beautiful, dirty, rich culture! This concept came to fruition while we were having sneaky drinks at Sister Bellas a few weeks back for Lou's homecoming after she was climbing mountains and shit in Indo. Bizarre concept for us to swallow as well, and we don't even eat toilet paper, like this babe we saw on Tyra Bank's addiction themed show. (Shout out to Eloise for helping to develop the concept with us.)

So here's our first post about the Melbs. We did envisage having Jen Hawkins or Livinia Nixon do a video intro for us however their publicists keep screening our phone calls....whatever we'll try Megan Gale she's classer anyway but still able to slum it ie. Andy Lee. She don't discriminate.

On Southbank, near the dodgy end of Crown, you'll find this conspicuous piece of 'arse', sorry I mean 'art'. Like us, you must think that they look like....a pair of arseholes! We've decided that the real tight one is Sam.......and i'm the loose one, for obvious reasons. Seriously at what point did anyone think this was appropriate or non-suggestive to say the least? Interestingly the sculptures are unlabeled by plaque or other inscriptions. They simply exist to confuse or for us to attempt to explain their function logically. And the 'end' that we concluded to was butt. Melbourne, we love your butt(s)!

xoxo x&h girl