Melbourne Is: Crime

I was sitting in a lecture theater filled will moaning beige students (plus me and Whit) whilst reflecting on my past pains and hurts, and it occurred to me. She the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. Its you Whit. I want to be Mr. Port. If only her last post didn't make it so obviously clear that I had fallen in love with a lesbian. While I was recovering from this thought (still in the beige lecture theater), I opened up my ears to listen to the "lecturer" talk.

She began by saying .. "you could write about anything.. even an international student.. being bashed."

The comic timing and placement of the words made this hilarious, and we all had a giggle, and come on, international students are funny anyway and so are bashings. So as our laughter escalated, some beige skank behind us claimed

"That's not even funny.. That's serious"

We then let out a huge chuckle at the hilariousness that was this beige girl. Anyway, this ond introduction brings us to today's 'Melbourne Is' topic.. Crime! Apparently Melbourne is becoming a dangerous metropolis in which one can't even walk down the streets without encountering a serial rapist like pictured below..



So.. is this true? We hit the streets to find out. Not really, I'm gonna make this up.

Aali (22, international student) hails from Nepal. He moved here 2 years ago to pursue a career in buisness management and accounting (geez, original Aali!!). Anyway Aali was recently taunted and bashed by a group of thugs, see below picture..



And barely survived. Oh Aali is also a taxi driver and he was semi-stabbed in a Taxi while driving it as a float in the anti-violence protest. Tough break. But I think the moral of the story here is that If you choose to be Indian, a student and taxi driver, you will suffer. Or a slutty stripper outside Spearmint Rhino. But While 'Underbelly' and that new 10 show 'Thrush' have shown us, If you don't have a violent city, there is no material for awsome crime shows where Kirtsy McKlements gets her boobs out and ex-Neighbours stars can feel a little hardcore.

Im tired of this. Im making a stand! More violence! So we can finally get a Melbourne version of 'Law & Order UK'.. which is really shit.