Silver Cigarette award for excellence in: Wig Design

Introducing JONTE'.

Yes you may remember him from various Beyonce video clips or even his first hit single 'Bitch U Betta'(click here to check that out). This bad ass androgynous muthafukka will sensory rape your eyes, and then make your ass bleed just a little bit, all in 9 inch heels. But my favourite thing about JONTE' (besises that he speaks fluent Yapanese) is that he manages to maintain a masculine image consistently, even though he ware make-up and heels. I'm fuckin' scared of him.

I also apresh his name. J-O-N-T-E-' (very important not to forget the '). His success in Yapan probably stemmed from this name spelling choice. These babes are infatuated with the very thought of touching JONTE' that they seem to be creaming there pants as he dances (and sings?). Also my fave line in the song is "Yeah I tuck my dick, but it's still there chillin'". Its awesome. He babe.

Thats about it. Vote for me on Idol.

Silver Cigarette Award for excellence in: Styling.

The winner is LC, Lauren Conrad.....Beef Curtains? (a less than flattering nickname which 'refers to the size/shape of a womans vagina' bestowed upon her by Mr. Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt.)

LC is an American television personality, actress, celebutante, author, fashion designer and year round Movember advocate (explanation within post).

She debuted on MTV's reality show Laguna Beach which led to her spin-off show The Hills, which follows her personal and professional life as she pursues a career in the fashion industry. Lauren's fashion conquest begain with rigorous study at the Academy of Art University of San Francisco and the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising. Naturally she landed an internship at Teen Vogue (without any persuasive help from a TV network) then soon graduating to People's Revolution; a public relations, branding and marketing firm. Coincendently I (Whitney Port) worked at both places with LC however I was significantly more talented because I now live on the East Coast on the Gossip Girl set and I work for world class hoe and fashion designer Diane von Fürstenberg.


ConRAD's key styling looks are PLAID and MOUSTACHE. Her fashion inspiration comes from two sources; Al from Home Improvement and Marcia Brady. Al and LC both wear plaid and a beard. And you'll notice that LC stole Marcia's face, featured here also wearing plaid.




PLAID
Lauren consistently wears plaid shirts....sometimes even plaid dresses. For your pleasure I have created a photo mosaic using various images of her wearing plaid, a task that has taken me days to execute but it was worth it. Click into the image for a larger view and check out this plaid clad freakshow. Or simply type 'Lauren Conrad Plaid' into Google Images, you'll too be in awe at how much plaid one person can own.




MOUSTACHE
Our personal fav styling tip is moustache. LC has made them accessible for all genders and all styles. She rocks a moustache with plaid shirts, dresses, bikinis, mini skirts and more. There is no denying that LC has a moustache, episode after episode we have never made it through a whole one without mentioning her stache. We have evidence to prove that we aren't being dramatic. On the left is her natural moustache look and the other is a more enhanced moustache look. Next time you watch the Hills take note. Dark lighting can't be the reason everytime!



Congratulations LC, you are well on your way in becoming famous in the world of faux-fashion styling. We award you 5/5 Moustaches for your efforts.

Silver Cigarette Award for excellence in: Talk show entertainment.

MAURY POVICH is the winner!!!
We never thought the day would come that Jerry Springer would ever be surpassed in the trash department. Being sent to detention for mentioning Jerry Springer in Yr.7 sport almost doesn't seem worth it now in my opinion. You know you did the wrong thing Miss. Watt!! Your were jealous that at the age of 13 I was open to discussing explicit themes that are intended to challenge societies idea of appropriate civil conduct, without flinching. I'm sure you also would have flinched if a netball came galloping towards your head, because I never can recall you actually playing a sport. Erhmmmm excuse the malicious attack on educational professionals. I understand they have their place in society.

The reason why Maury Povich recieved this award over Jerry Springer is evident in the following clip. It explains itself clearly. And provides hours of entertainment when reinacting the whole 7:46 minute clip to anyone who'll listen. Which I have done...proudly. But it's cool.....coz I got it like that!!!!



Content really does make a show unforgettable. If that wasn't enough reason to award MP, hold your socks! We will now witness the blatant exploitation of people's fears. Now my fear is that I could end up on a show like this one day....or the fear that it is my dream.



But wait there's more: pickles, mustard, peaches, cotton balls etc. It's endless!!

5/5 Staircases.

Let's float and pop over 300 times!!

Silver Cigarette Award for excellence in: Hospitality

TAKE AWAY FOOD Milkbar is the winner!
It is not often that I rate a perfect score, but something about this place makes it a winner in every way. Go try it, we cannot wait until we visit again, it was a different but strangely refreshing experience. They have all the essentials 'Ice-creams. Smokes. The Paper', as detailed on their shop window. And we bought all three options. Not to mention its superb location, opposite the Commission Housing in the hub of South Melb. These guys are going to put all the surrounding supermarkets in the district out of business.

5/5 Fake booby aprons!


We must be off now, Sam and I need to shake our vaginas to 'Bootylicious'.