Ok so no shit right?! Latino dick-throb Ricky Martian finally came out. But I mean if photos like THIS (look up) have been circulumating for ages then why are we even shocked? I for one am not. So apparently he tweeted about being a "fortunate homosexual man" or some shit. Boo hoo. I think tweeting is defiantly on the bottom of the recommended ways to come out. Mummy and Daddy in Peurto Rico (or wherever) probs dnt have iPhones or interwebs to read that shit! So how do they know? Huh!? Whos telling Sinorita Martin that he son loves to pack fudge? That he loves to lick colon, that he loves to dance to GaGa all night long at The Peel and wake up with a glow stick up his arse.. oh wait that was at my friends birthday the other week. Anyway, you get the picture.
Who's next?.. and I'm not looking at you Ian Thorpe.
If you are unaware who Tila Tequila is you probably aren't reading this blog, so that's k babe. But if you by some strange chance are then here's the low down. Tila is a topless model turned Myspace sex symbol turned Bisexual turned MTV Celebrity turned big slut that I personally love. She has a certain vibe(rator) about her that screams "i need to be loved". After 2 Seasons of 'A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila' on MTV mid noughties, she still found no true love. I mean whats a Vietnamese born mega babe meant to do?! actually go out and meet people?! Bitch please, those shows should have delivered the goods. Most recently shes been accused of being clinically insane after tweeting and causing on street rampages due to the death of her non-gender specific partner Casey Johnson (of Johnson & Johnson fame), who she was clearly only dating for all the free lube.
So.. we may have paid 28 bucks each to witness Tila Tequila herself visit our humble city. This is how the night unfolded in numbered bite sized chunks..
1. Where Am I?
First off, she stated "I love you Adelaide! (not Melbourne) and then went. SHIT! Oh god I'm in Melborrrnnneee Right?". This meant she was off to a great start. She was clearly intoxicated and on some form of illicit drug which everybody in the room wanted in on.
2. Like A Slut..
One "song" Tequila performed was 'Like A Virgin' of Madonna fame. Im pretty sure she was so wasted she thought she was Madonna. But she didn't even have a proper backing track, that bitch just sang over the top of Madonna. Riiighhhttt. And Virgin? Tila? Nah!
3. Nice Nips.
Her first outfit (Before her 45 min outfit changing and quick anal session interval) was basically a string of beads over her incredibly amazing tits. Even I wanted to lick them titties.
4. Muzak?
I don't think she actually performed a song. Oh! No wait! There was one called 'I Fucked the DJ'. In which she tried to climb up to her DJ and rape him. She is about 2 feet tall BTW.
5. AZN War.
During the night about 10 people were evacuated from the club as there was so much AZN gang violence. I was actually scared for my life. Oh and some guy went ape shit when I spilt my drink on him
6. Conclusion
All in a a pretty heinous night. B- would not buy again, I'm just glad I got to see T-T's T-T's! Hoi hoi hoi. I'm funny.
Taken from the new collection of art garments by (kinda?) famous fash designer Charlotte Webb, comes these amazing photos released just moments ago. Modeling the collection, celebrababes Lil'-Lo, and S-Rida present themes such as Hope, Destiny, and of course.. Cyrus.
The shoot, which we had spech back stage priviliges too, went smoothly, exepct for a few diva moments by our famous models. Lil'-Lo demanded fried chicken at one point, to be serevd with white rice and grape soda. Her request was ofcourse processed, but the work experience kid took 20 minutes to return from the nearest KFC, causing uproar.
AHHH! Hey there pathetic bored losers, its been ages that I've posted as unlike you I have an awesome life filled with joyus things that keep me busy. Like my new boyfriend (my iPhone that is) Anyways, It happened a while ago now but when I saw it, it was fresh. Its Janice Dickinson making an absolute ass of herself on Finland's Next Top Model. Now as we all watch FNTM religiously I'm sure you've seen it.
But for those weirdos that don't have any taste in TV progamming, here it is to check out.
I love how she refers to modelling as a thing you have to eat, sleep and shit. Well duh. I mean its just like that time I got AIDs and I literally eat, slept and shat it. Infact I eat, sleep and shit many things.. like the product of that cup left over from those 2 Brazilian girls in that viral video.
I also love how she abuses the girls who are clearly hotter than she ever was. Gimme a Fin over J-Dick anyday. The chick who has the messy room.. big babe. But I guess they did get the real scoop on the modelling industry.. its fucked.
Now in another video, that I cant seem to find (i deplore you) she falls down the stairs, abuses the girls some more calling them "dumb model bitches" and then explains what happened the next day. And of course its just that she mixed up her "vitamin C tablet" with a "headache pill" and then may have had a few "sips" of "champagne". Thats its cunts, if "off".
What is going on. My favourite childhood characters are all turning into trashy sluts or lame shuffling Corey Worthington wannabes. Sigh. First Vanessa Hudgens, now this?! All those times I thought i could relate to Bronson (lovable lil' redhead from Round The Twist) through his ups and downs in my favourite beach-side town.. its all over.
Seriously this clip makes me wanna vom just a little. Its just like when Carson was on Big Brothet a few years ago and they all went crazy. And I was all like 'kuntz please', its Carson, who gives a shit. But then you actually do kind of a shit. And you wish you didn't.
So if shuffling (non-Melbournian readers should Wikipedia 'Melbourne Shuffle') wasn't lame and weird enough, chuck in a D-grade child celebrity and you make it worse! Remember that kids.
I just want his mom to come out going 'BROOOONSSOOOONN!' and slap him on his lilly white ass.
No it's just Shakira. You remember Whenever wherever we're meant to be together..... Does everyone not feel like they just had sex with Shakira and it was the hottest love making they have ever experienced in their lives? The song actually sounds like it should be CSS featuring Shakira. The bass line is grade A porn that you can squeeze out of a tube! Not to mention the dick slappin' guitar and the booty droppin' drum beat.
However there are no way near enough galloping horses or shots of Shakira trapsing through mud on her hands and kness like in Whenever, Wherever but wait.....there is an asymmetrical leotard. God damn I need to commission someone to make me a leotard in the exact same fashion as Shakira's (minus the crouch....cause I just split that anyway).
Another thought....did anyone else ask why is that guy sleeping next her NOT ripping all of her clothes of by his teeth? Even I feel compelled to do horrible things to her vagina. Note to self I need a dancing cage. Aaaaaaaaooooooooo.
Oh yeah and there's even a lame parody video. There's always a lame parody video!
Bitch Please. It looks like Bulba-slut has done it again, but this time with inter-special partner Waluigi. The Bizarro super character stated that the video ".. was not meant to be released". Bulbasaur, 24, Is no stranger to negative media attention after an intense affair with tween star Zac Efron last fall. The affair mounted suspicion into the Efron v. Duff case, in which pop-lebrity Hilary Duff sued Efron over claims her child was actually his. It looks like Bublasaur can't get out of the flash bulbs this week as new rumours surface regarding the infamous tape. To view the full tape, click here for full HD quality footage. The tape, starring the two, was found by Nintendo star Daisy who claims to have stumbled across the tape whilst cleaning Luigi's castle. Allogations have been made towards Daisy saying that she is behind the scandal, using it as another cash scam. Whatever your side, it looks like the two wont live it down being seen in public together twice since the incident.
Jesus Christ. Heidi's really done it. She's gone. Forever. Well not really, but you get the point. This dreadful performance made Heidi talk of the town a few days ago when it aired around the world. My concerns lie mainly in costume selection, the song itself, the fact that I know Spencer Pratt (her awful hubby; refer post 'Spencer Pratt Totally Looks Like Shaving Fun Ken') produced the song, the back up dancing, her 90's style microphone a la Britney Spears (come on, in 2009 I'm sure technology could produce a slightly smaller less intrusive mic, and she obviously i'snt using it!), and her plastic surgery just to name a few things I noticed.
But at least her hair extensions of a tampon string didn't flop out like some of Britney's recent 'Circus' tour shows. But that would have been awesome. Well I'm off to bleach my ass. Later.
Everyone loves a good sister act the Veronica's, Hilary and Haylie Duff, Tegan and Sara, The Pointer Sisters etc. Now hold the fone!! Introducing Catherine and Allison Pierce of 'the Pierces'. You might even recognise them from the 'Hi, society' episode of Gossip Girl. I instead found them on the Gossip Girl Season 1 DVD special features disc. One of their hit singles features on the disc called 'Boring', for your convenience I have provided the video clip below. Instantly I thought this was a parody because that's what my mind prefers, turns out it's a serious clip. I laughed uncontrollably for an indiscriminate amount of time. Honestly a black and white music clip? That's soo.....boring. Or are they smarter than we think? Perhaps that's the catch. There is alot of leather couch girating, is that distracting from it's potential cleverness? And girls, yes touching your sister while mentioning girl on girl action is still considered incestuous. Sluts. Here is a short list of the things they find boring:
Paris France London town NYC Sexy boy Girl on girl Ménage à trois (it's French) Marijuana Cocaine Heroin (Come on that's our fav!!!) Donatella Dolce & Gabbana Caviar Escargot Love of my life Bear your child(?)
But wait the chorus is: 'Nothing thrills us anymore, No one kills us anymore, Life is such a chore'
Whinging bitches! At least you have a pleather couch. What about all those starving children in Africa that don't have Lazyboys?
Apparently lamb shanks attract cats these days. WTF? I know weird, but it did happen, not even to a friend of a friend of mine but me. My roomate is obsessed with animals, to the point that she would allow a strange animal to enter our house. Reason.....'he followed me in. -Why don't you kick him out? -Oh but he could get cold. -So?????' And this is where the drama and deception began. The animal in question is this pussy.....
He may seem cute but seriously this cat is.....goddamn evil!
We were sucked in and blinded by this creature, I even named him Daisy 2.0 after my favourite family cat. Turns out the situation is like 'Lady Gaga's Fame 2.0', it's similar to the original 'Fame' but it's wrong and you can't quite put your finger on it, all you know is that it's shit. I ended up refering to him as Clifford after the Spice Girls' tour manager in 'Spiceworld', which was soon shortened to Cliffy. Little did we know, that while accepting this creature as a friend and confidant he would use and abuse us for our love, affection and shelter (cleverly sneaking over the back fence while we had a fag in the courtyard waltzing through the house, even after we'd just kicked him out the front door). Cliffy took advantage of our hospitality, resorting to eating our food and having his way with my blanket. That blanket will never be the same again, considering it may be pregnant. Cliffy you are nothing but a two bit whore and we've seen the poster that someone posted about you. You've brought shame on the whole community. I hope you get de-sexed, tramp!!!!
To continue on with the mutlicultural celebration we present to you 'I Seen Beyonce'. Wait a minute you say......I notice a familiar visual vibe. Yes it's all true, the same people from Jonte's 'Bitch you Betta' directed this fantastical masterpiece of media. After watching this you'll be better for it.
I'm throughly jealous we didn't create this. However here is something we prepared earlier. So let's celebrate wh**e people! Now you might recognise some of the hip and happenin' peepz in this clip. But if you haven't seen this already, you are not worthy of the 'internets'. Prepare to be raped in the face.
