In Too Deep: Size Matters

So. Its been forevs since an 'In To Deep' has graced your expensive wanky Macbook screens. So I decided to go out on an abstract limb and produce one about size. Size isnt a place or a thing or a size.. its an attitude, and as you will learn it comes in many forms. The scale i'm using to judge these size related hilarities is "inches". As i see it fits. And I like making cock references. The more inches it gets the more it deserves to be on this site as a size related thing.

Exhibit A: Novelty Over Size iPhone.



Yes. A rare breed indeed. These macro iPhones were developed by the corrupt Chinese government to attract babes through tourism, then to rip them off when they pay 20c for a photo and then learn it is infact not a real iPhone. I was pretty excited it was 20 degrees in Tokyo when I saw this bad boy hangin' out at the mall. He kindly let me take a photo with him (must be a hard life as a celebradyke [especially one with celebraAIDS]).

Inches : 6"


Exhibit B: Paris Hugeton.



If you haven't heard already you're probs a lesbian or live in a third world country that doesnt even have novelty over sized iPhones yet (pssh lames). PH her-hot-self has coined a new phrase. Coined here means took an exsisting word, made it sassy-sexy-cool and now all of teen-hollywood jiz all over it. Its 'Huge'. As in "Huge" is the new "Hot". So now all you have to do is call people huge and your an instant babe. One word of advice though, steer clear of refering to your token fat friend in such a manner. Shes vulerable right now.. as I raped her.

Inches: 17 1/2"

Exhibit C: Refer to Exhibit D

Exhibit D: Micro Dolphin Breeding.


Yums. Have you ever wanted to take a dolphin, make it mini, dep fry it and brand it as a packet of chips?! OMG right, me too. So now its reals. I have decided to forget about modeling and go for my dream of becoming a Micro-Doplh breeder! In stores soons.

Inches: Babe"

Spotted: Eat, Sleep, Shit?

AHHH! Hey there pathetic bored losers, its been ages that I've posted as unlike you I have an awesome life filled with joyus things that keep me busy. Like my new boyfriend (my iPhone that is) Anyways, It happened a while ago now but when I saw it, it was fresh. Its Janice Dickinson making an absolute ass of herself on Finland's Next Top Model. Now as we all watch FNTM religiously I'm sure you've seen it.

But for those weirdos that don't have any taste in TV progamming, here it is to check out.

I love how she refers to modelling as a thing you have to eat, sleep and shit. Well duh. I mean its just like that time I got AIDs and I literally eat, slept and shat it. Infact I eat, sleep and shit many things.. like the product of that cup left over from those 2 Brazilian girls in that viral video.

I also love how she abuses the girls who are clearly hotter than she ever was. Gimme a Fin over J-Dick anyday. The chick who has the messy room.. big babe. But I guess they did get the real scoop on the modelling industry.. its fucked.

Now in another video, that I cant seem to find (i deplore you) she falls down the stairs, abuses the girls some more calling them "dumb model bitches" and then explains what happened the next day. And of course its just that she mixed up her "vitamin C tablet" with a "headache pill" and then may have had a few "sips" of "champagne". Thats its cunts, if "off".

Fash Train: Stop 1.

A new segment aoooooo!!!!!!
Fash train highlights our most treasured moments of our public transport week. What's hot and what's not.

Day 1. Saturday. TramPARTY.

'Twas an average Saturday night. Everyone was out, slutted up and ready to get wasted. But the peeps at New Workers Club that night had a dirty secret! They were congregating for a special locomotive event planned for the West Preston 112 tram at approx 11pm. It was Take Away show meets Flash Mob but better than both put together. As it went down everything that we hoped would happen did. The Pecocks played at the special event, a guy somehow managed to crowdsurf on a packed moving tram, someone smoking some green, and so many people jumping that the tram was bouncing off the tracks. We made it 2 stops before the lights went out and the tram driver asked 'everyone get off the tram now'. Basically we pissed of and bemused alot of innocent passengers and it was worth it!


Here is the band singing their litte hearts. Not that we could hear shit from where we were.


The beautiful and crammed people.


Innocent tram travellers. The babe to the right must have just put her shirt back on She was going wild seconds before that.


So then after being kicked off the tram these kuntz started dancing with the zebra busker who takes song requests.



Day 2. Monday. Staring down science fiction novels.


Some kunt trying to conjure some anal rapist elf out of his World of Warcraft cheat book. Actually is he one of the guys in my 3D Modelling class that was talking about swords. FYI 'if a sword has a design on the blade it is no considered a weapon but it still needs to be behind glass'- Freak from class.



Day 3. Wednesday. Train arrest at Glenferrie.

'I apologize we will have to stay at Hawthorn station for a few minutes, a passenger on a train at Glenferrie is ill and requires assistance'-Train Driver.
Yeah sure Mr. Train driver you make Megan from OzGirl look like a convincing actor. We couldn't figure out why this would hold us up at Hawthorn for so long. Sam concluded that it was an excuse for someone committing suey infront of the train ahead and that was why. 10 minutes go by, still no movement and I ask loudly to a silent train, 'Seriously how long does it take to scrap blood and guts off train tracks?' Lolz.
But wait now we have police in bullet proof vest searching the train. -'Um should be panic?'-Whitney -'Fuck it let's grab that other train'.-Professor Sam.

Professor Oak trying to piece everything together.


I'm pretty sure that they ended up arresting this babe.



Soz it's been a while. 'I'm gonna kill the sun!!!!"
xo

iPhones are Homoerotic

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Spotted: Bronson.. All Grow'd Up?

What is going on. My favourite childhood characters are all turning into trashy sluts or lame shuffling Corey Worthington wannabes. Sigh. First Vanessa Hudgens, now this?! All those times I thought i could relate to Bronson (lovable lil' redhead from Round The Twist) through his ups and downs in my favourite beach-side town.. its all over.

Seriously this clip makes me wanna vom just a little. Its just like when Carson was on Big Brothet a few years ago and they all went crazy. And I was all like 'kuntz please', its Carson, who gives a shit. But then you actually do kind of a shit. And you wish you didn't.

So if shuffling (non-Melbournian readers should Wikipedia 'Melbourne Shuffle') wasn't lame and weird enough, chuck in a D-grade child celebrity and you make it worse! Remember that kids.

I just want his mom to come out going 'BROOOONSSOOOONN!' and slap him on his lilly white ass.

In Too Deep: V-Hudge Career Moves.

Vanessa Hudgens is the hottest and tightest piece of arse getting around right now. Forget our past scanda-whores divas Britney, Paris and Mel Gibson. It's all about the V-Hudge! She's hanging around now like a sticky piece of shit on your toilet bowl, no matter how many times you flush, it's still there. This bitch is popular and will keep getting paid..... most likely in digital camera memory cards. Due to her history in 'flash' photography this segment will be rated in 'flashies'.

*'Flash' photography meaning getting naked not artifically lit photography.


Exhibit A: Film-Thirteen
Flashies: 5.7

Thirteen was infact Vanessa's debut film....not bad for someone who moved onto the faggy pseudo-musical series that is High School Musical. I love musicals and this was the only one I couldn't bare to watch. Absolute filth, Judy Garland must be turning in her grave. Well its either about that or she realised Liza Minelli was actually her genetic daughter. Vanessa played Noel who was Tracey's(Evan Rachel Wood) best friend from across the street...before she became a tramp.




Exhibit B: Solo music
Flashies: 9 and ¾

Vanessa always makes sound decisions when it comes to her career. Especially when it involves fluro sneakers. Yay shameless plug for Ecko. I love when songs are written for products. Like 'Ring of Fire' for the popular hemorrhoid-relief commercial. Example in video form below.



'Basically what we gonna do is dance"....wise gurl.



Exhibit See: Rock, paper, scissor tournaments
Flashies: 33

Alright so they have rock, paper, scissor tournaments on Disney now, between the notorious 'good-but-bad' girls Vanessa and Miley. If only this was a contact sport and Vanessa jammed her arm down Miley's throat removing her larynx and feeding it to Pluto as an afternoon snack. If you can't be bothered watching all the video it's cool Vanessa wins. Zac mentioned that she had pretty quick hands. Youse kuntz don't even know.





Exhibit D: Nudie shots
Flashies: 169.99

All things considered, another nude photo scandal is probably a hell of a lot better for her career than starring in her new film 'Bandslam.' Seriously, if diarrhea could be transposed into film reel, they’d call it 'Bandslam.' I think it’s safe to say that we’d all rather see her barely legal boobies than that piece of shit.



She really should be taking this guys advice.

Hitler Has AIDS.

It's official. Well according to a new German ad campaign, which for some reason has caused controversy. I personally think that sex with a Nazi wouldn't be that bad, I mean who doesn't love an aggressive blonde? Maybs not with Hitlers lame mo. But come on, the Germans so need this kind of thing to show that they aint heavy and that free speech still has some meaning in their sausagey society, right? Yeah you would think that.



Of course I first heard about this in my favorite hard news publication, mX. They seems to just think this was a big controversy and stated that they love a good controversy. Like in the Glam&Goss section where you get a wiff of a new celebrity snatch each train ride home. If anything, I think that mX had AIDS.

Now what;s with the lame chick pretending you semi enjoy this faux-rape experience? BP, I could do a better job of that blindfolded. There is also a video version of the ad but it keeps getting removed from YouTube, now thats what I call fascism. So you will have to source it yourself which may be difficult but its worth it to see H-dog get his dick wet like we've wanted to for so long.

Loves it, Later!

Melbourne Is: Fashion.

What the fuck. Ok so, its Melbourne Fashion week, and Im mega excited. Not for the fashion, or the event at all, but because the whole city fills with mega fashionbabes and all my favourite fashbloggers start circle jerking over the festivities. I think that we can see a few trends (or trenz) coming up this season and I will now explore these.

The first is Asian. This is now a fashion choice. It involves wearing dark hair, squinty eyes and awesome attitude where you can get away with saying things like "babes" and "kawaii" and not have people throw shit at your face.

The next is black. Not the race this time, the shade. Everyone seems to be depressed or some shit coz all i'm seeing on these fashion hoez is black. Sometime a dark beige or grey to accompany. Combined with the previous fashion trend you get a deadly Melbourne fashion combination. Sounds yummy.

The next is holes. Just cut them in all your clothes for instant cool. Im thinking of doing to my best prom dress even.

Another up-coming trend is platinum. I myself recently bleached the shit out of my hair and am now paying the repocusions as I scare people. But babeblooger Fashion Hayley (referpost: In Too Deep: Twitter [august]) It reppin this trend harcore. Shes combining it with Black, the second of my found trends effectivly.

Im also loving plaid. Lauren Conrad, fave ex-Hills celebrity knows this too. Were seeing plaid evereywhere right now. Street corners, my butt, even on the staircase.

Thats all. Get away from me.