Spotted: Tila Tequila in Chapel St Gang Warfare

If you are unaware who Tila Tequila is you probably aren't reading this blog, so that's k babe. But if you by some strange chance are then here's the low down. Tila is a topless model turned Myspace sex symbol turned Bisexual turned MTV Celebrity turned big slut that I personally love. She has a certain vibe(rator) about her that screams "i need to be loved". After 2 Seasons of 'A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila' on MTV mid noughties, she still found no true love. I mean whats a Vietnamese born mega babe meant to do?! actually go out and meet people?! Bitch please, those shows should have delivered the goods. Most recently shes been accused of being clinically insane after tweeting and causing on street rampages due to the death of her non-gender specific partner Casey Johnson (of Johnson & Johnson fame), who she was clearly only dating for all the free lube.

So.. we may have paid 28 bucks each to witness Tila Tequila herself visit our humble city. This is how the night unfolded in numbered bite sized chunks..

1. Where Am I?

First off, she stated "I love you Adelaide! (not Melbourne) and then went. SHIT! Oh god I'm in Melborrrnnneee Right?". This meant she was off to a great start. She was clearly intoxicated and on some form of illicit drug which everybody in the room wanted in on.

2. Like A Slut..

One "song" Tequila performed was 'Like A Virgin' of Madonna fame. Im pretty sure she was so wasted she thought she was Madonna. But she didn't even have a proper backing track, that bitch just sang over the top of Madonna. Riiighhhttt. And Virgin? Tila? Nah!

3. Nice Nips.

Her first outfit (Before her 45 min outfit changing and quick anal session interval) was basically a string of beads over her incredibly amazing tits. Even I wanted to lick them titties.

4. Muzak?

I don't think she actually performed a song. Oh! No wait! There was one called 'I Fucked the DJ'. In which she tried to climb up to her DJ and rape him. She is about 2 feet tall BTW.

5. AZN War.

During the night about 10 people were evacuated from the club as there was so much AZN gang violence. I was actually scared for my life. Oh and some guy went ape shit when I spilt my drink on him

6. Conclusion

All in a a pretty heinous night. B- would not buy again, I'm just glad I got to see T-T's T-T's! Hoi hoi hoi. I'm funny.

SILENCE NOW! Be gone with you.