In Too Deep: Crunkcore

Brace yourselves. This shit is intense. Almost as intense the sex between The Buttplug Gnome and the Melbourne Anus sculpture would be in the were finally reunited. It's a musical genre that has my head in a spin. Whether this spin is a good thing or not is besides the point becuase I had way too much fun researching this for this 'In Too Deep'

Its a mash between rap/rnb and screamo/emo/metal. It's two forbidden lovers disobeying the orders of their opressive fathers and meeting in the courtyard at midnight to make sweet romanctic love. Its like someone fucked up the yingyang by putting it in a blender. Ive hand picked a few examples of some "artists" producing this form of music. Im not sure exactly who the 'crunkcore' scene is, but im sure Flinders street station will be spilling with them soon enough. I think they wear baggy pants, loads of fluro accesories and have multi tone hair, but also have piercings and bad tattoos. Well Well. Its seems I have to now come up with a measurement of 'crunkness' when rating the bands. I think I'll call them crunkies. the more crunkies awarded to a band, the more ultimately crunkcore they are. Lets get crunk, bitches AAAWWRRRFGGHHH!


Exhibit A: Hadouken!
Song In Question: That Boy That Girl
Others Worth Noting: Liquid Lives, Crank It Up
Crunkies: 5.7



Im not sure how c'core these guys are but I went out ona limb to find one that wasnt that bad. I mean I can mildly tolerate these guys. Mostly they use ol' skool brirish 'innit-isms to create the badass feel and of course they always rap/sing about alchol, violence, drugs, sloppy drunk sex and being 'indie'. So Im a tad impressed. Yet confused. Why do they feel the need to involve so much coloured paper and scribbly writing in everything they do, get some variety bitches. All in all they aint too awful, yet I would defiantly appreciate more rnb style ballads (with screaming).


Exhibit B: Hollywood Undead
Song In Question: Bitches
Others Worth Noting: Undead, Young
Crunkies: 2



I dig that at the start of 'Bitches' it sounds like Alicia Keys is gonna drop in when the vocals start with some subtle yet strong female vocals. But its some beardy guys with face paint sayin' "I wont stop till I hit that hoe". This song also has more great lyrics like "Shes only 17, i aint a pedophile." and "get your drunk ass over here lets go." This seems to be a trend of c'core: drunk sloppy sex. But the back beat is so Rnb its not funny. I think it actually is from a Rhianna song or something. But these guys have major image issues. I mean some other songs just sound like Linkin Park lite, which is like lite lite. So Hollywood Undead are about as fun as fat free sourcream. 2 crunkies from me.

Exhibit C: Family Force 5
Song In Question: Love Addict
Others Worth Noting: Dance or Die, Earthquake
Crunkies: 26.3



Now were getting somewhere. These guys have a great balance between scream and hiphop. Yet sometimes they could be a little bit too on the scream side and not enough hip. I love in 'Love Addict' when it breaks down half way through into a GaGa inspired robo-voice chant. Yeah. The Name is fantastic too. First I though about 'Spice Force 5' from the Spiceworld Movie, then I thought Jackson 5, and then I just realized its a ridiculous name and I should probably stop comparing it to even more ridiculous concepts. Heck, Im off to go fuck some bitches, 26.3 crunkies from me.

Exhibit D: BrokeNCYDE
Song In Question: Freakxxx
Others Worth Noting: Get Crunk
Crunkies: 2 Crunk 4 u



This is the holygrail right here. Tweeted to me by a friend, this clip will have you so confused image wise and aurally that you may die. I did... and got ressureceded as a massive Crunker with a screming attitute to bitches and the world!! YEAHHH! But seriously, Its like watching an innocent puppy drown. its awkward, sad, but you cant take your eyes off and you also cant help but want to dance to it. I love the fact that they have employed hiphop/rnb video clip ideas with having hoes and a fancy car and some shit green screen visuals but then added some really awful screaming that features WAY too heavily in the background. It sounds like some screamo cunts wanted to sabotage a tape of Chris Browns. I love the bit when he says "bitches want to sex me" and "coz i dont waste my time with lesbians" too crunk to rate.

So now your probably feeling filthy, freaky, and crunk. So have a bath and forget this ever happened. Are we cool to do that? But! If you're actually feeling this stuff then I recommend you also investigate Mindless Self Indulgence, Dir en grey, and Dot Dot Curve. But dont tell anyone about it.