In Too Deep: Koreanese Pop

So. It may be no secret that I am Asian. Well on the inside. I have the body of a Latino and the penis gurth of a black man. Yet I have always been drawn to the Asian persuasion of life. This doesn't stop at deliciously cheap hand rolls and SNES porn, it also breaths itself into my eardrums, inciting an appetite for equally as cheap music. I am now about to investigate my most recent obsession: Korean Pop. Korea itself is pretty awsome as it is, With thier northen neighbours giving them a bad rep, they really do just want to record MSG filled bubbleicious music like the rest of the world. Granted it's not a out-there and franetic as Japanese Pop, Korean pop hold the interest in awsome use of English lyrics, slighty more conservative (than Japan) costumes and outfits, and sweet electro beats. They seem to love hip hop too. The system for rating in this case will be none other but the kim-chi's (Not only named after the delicious Korean pickled cabage but my late puppy whom was hit by a car of the same name.). The more kim-chi's awarded to a K-Pop group the more K-ool they are. And that's a K for Korea.

Exhibit A: Wonder Girls - "So Hot"
Kim-Chi's: 4.7


Wonder Girls are pretty old skool. They've been on the K-scene for a while, with other hit songs such as 'Stupid'. But 'So Hot' seems to have the most western appeal so I put it first to lull you slowly into K-Pop, think of it as the roofy I slip into your beer before dragging you the the club toilets and inevitably raping you. This song (feat 'JYP') is so fucking coy that you'll feel naughty yourself just witnessing it. They seem to be flirting with the camera men, eachother, and the shit male actors employed to make them seem more accessable, and bangable. Evene though at times they pretend to hate the male attention. Whoops! The chick that raps is pretty good too, but I'm longing for more with the Wonder Girls, they are basically cock teasers and are so small they can fit in the size of a novelty pink gift box, where they seem to live.

Exhibit B: Rain - "Rainism"
Kim-Chi's: 25



Now you may already recognize Rain from such films as Speed Racer and the upcoming Ninja Assasin, but he's been on the K-pop circuit for ages now, recently living between the states and K-rea for film work. This song has been chosen to represent him as it has a great name, I mean come on. But he's very cute. And the lyrics of this are ridiculous. We get it, you're a naughty boy or whatever. But I can't get over how fucking long it takes to get into the song, you always find these K-artists giving there video clips like 2 minute intros, its so dramatic. Fuck. Also is he channeling MJ in his dance moves?

Exhibit C: Tasha - "Black Happiness"
Kim-Chi's (mixed with fried chicken): 54.8



Tasha, you're gonna love this, is actually a half black half Korean singer/rapper, which gives her instant cred. this Lauryn Hill vibe she gives off (but in Korean) can be confusing, but once that roofy I gave you earlier settles in you'll chill out and realize shes awsome. How good is this song title too?! Black Happiness is so fitting for this bi-racial butterfly. It seems like Beyonce has some cometition if this bitch starts recording in English.


Exhibit D: 2NE1 - "Fire" (Street Version)
Kim-Chi's: 69



Now we're getting to the good stuff. 2NE1 have me under there spell for sure. Each with their own distict personality, these girls rap, sing and basically just look awsome constantly. My fave is the slighty manly voiced once who is wearing a long shirt with the sphinx on it wearing shades. yeah-a! But runner up is the super-coy one who looks like she just ditched the Wonder Girls to join 2NE1 coz shes so purdy and shy. The lyrics of 'Fire' are sassy too to match the slickness of the CGI that must have cost mills of Korean Wons. 2NE1 (side fact) are all actually 21 in age, so whe you say 2-N-E-1 its like a lame sentence that doesnt mean anythign, but if you say it fast it's like saying thier age. Im confused too, they obviosly have a better grasp of our language than us.

Exhibit E: BigBang / 2NE1 - "Lollipop"
Kim-Chi's: :O



What could make 2NE1 cooler? Boys! Add the super Japnese/Korean pop fivesome 'Big Bang' and you get this amazing clip. I have watched this like 400 times in the last week. Its incredible. The guy with the tres cool nerd glasses and faux leather red jacket is a babe, and the rocketship dance move where all the guys around him burst away by his sheer K-power is intense. Its pretty funny too how they almost always say 'Rorrypop' in each chorus (actually they say rorrypop in the verses too, in fact its pretty much all they say). But Rorrypop is such a great track that you can expect me to put it on at a party sometime soon, so start learning the dance moves.

Exhibit F: BoA - "I Did It For Love"
Kim-Chi's: 10,000



Ok so, This is the shit. Granted that this song is on BoA's (or Beat Of Asia as the 'clever' name means) US released album, its till massive in Korea and shes still pretty Korean last time she checked (as in a pap smear). 'I Did It For Love' is so catchy its dangerous, in fact viewer digression should be advised, if you don't want K-pop in your brain for the next 10 years, dont play this video. No do! I love the Alex Mac meets Janet Jackson vibe from this clip; there's people melting into piles of goo and loads of black leather outfits and dancing in the rain. But BoA was not hit with a violent amount of GC161 when she was a child (well maybe her gyno will tell her), but shes just naturally sexy and awesome. BoA releases shit in a few of the other Asian power house countries but this song (all in English if you didn't realize) is probs my fave. She even gets her own random black guy sitting on a car to add flavour much like one would add the flavoring sachet to their K-noodles. I'm giving BoA maximum Kim-Chi's and a blow ob after the show, I'm almost as wet as her at the end of the clip!

Now that i've got that out of my system I promise never to do it again.

안녕 (annyeong!!)