In Too Deep: Drama

Ive decided 'In Too Deep' will be a reoccurring segment with a different subject each time. The subject will be placed in a vile and heated from underneath with a lighter, before being suctioned up by a syringe and injected deeply into the filthy aids-ridden bloodstream of an X&H blogger. This time (the debut!) its me. Woo.

Drama is all around us. In trees, lakes, and forest habitats. But the main living place for drama seems to Television programming, so I will focus on this as the subject of this insightful thesis. In fact I have had it up to he4re will all the drama! Can't our fave characters just get along?! Ive devised a rating system for all you drama nuts so you can see which shows have the most amount of this frustrating tension building stuff. I mean you'll want to know how much involving drama you're getting yourself into.

The scale is measured in "dramites". The more dramites, the more drama.



Exhibit A: Dawson's Creek
Dramites: 2

Dawson Leery has never had too much luck with the girls. This is probably because James Van Der Beek's forehead is massively obese (poor casting choice) and because he speaks in a series of bad 90's film quotes. But the drama of Capeside doesnt stop there, Grams is always looking to stir up some trouble with a witty 'god-on-her-side' remark that is sure to cause drama. Im only giving it 2 dramites as theres only 2 love intrests for Dawson over like 7 seasons of this shit. And both have incredibly unflattering and just plain bland fashion sense. I'd probs rather rape Grams than Dawson acually. I mean if I had to do one of them.





Exhibit B: NYC Prep
Dramites: 10

Fuck Gossip Girl! After Bravo introduced the latest in reality drama, and because they have already done "The Real Housewives Of " in all 64 U.S states, GG is dead to me! Introducing a new band of 15-18 year old NYC prepschool brats. There is one episode where one of the brunette girls obsessing over the lame 'surfer looking' guy (who claims he can speak french, its hilarious) is super sad about her funeral. We then discover that the person in question is a dog. She has a fit screaming "I dont wanna say anything at Lily's funeral, its too hard!". Not to mention the "not-so-bi-curious" PC who becomes the egotistical center of the show, and takes Mexico by storm by 'embracing the culture' (he seriously just puts on a novelty pink sombrero). If that's not quite a lot of drama then I dont know anymore. Maybe I have lost a considerable amount of my drama gaugeing braincells from watching this. I do recommend this to all drama fans though.




Exhibit C: Neighbours
Dramites: 27.2

Thats right. The mere longevity of this soap has to be appriecated. Whilst watching last night I gathered that some ugly semi-wog guy is sad beacuse his girlfriend who bore his child, named after one of the shitest countries ever, India, had been killed by some crazy bitch. He was ABOUT to pawn off the precious family ring to pay for a lawsuit but backed out last minute when he realized that family is what he'd been fighting for! As for India. I personally would have aborted that bitch anyway, but now that she's out, I'd get dpol on that shit to get it a better name and/or shotgun to the head. Gotta love some 'aussie drama' though. Whatever that even means.




Exhibit P: Paris Hiltion's My New BFF
Dramites: 55

If drama had a face. It'd be as pretty as Paris Hilton's. So its only fitting that I take a turn to the vain side and select this sexy show as my next drama induced victim. Fill a house with 12 or so Paris obsessed lunatics all fighting for "1-on-1 time with Paris", which actually sounds really sexual and naughty, and you have a recipe for some D-R-A-M-A. But its not all digging through the worlds biggest cupcake to find eggs filled with gifts such as friendship rings and exotic dances, no!, its much more of a journey. I personally love this one contestant, who a friend of mine alerted was not a real person (refer above picture). In fact, Katie, from the second season of BFF is an alien who crawled into a flesh suit. Her mission from her home planet was to observe earth-drama and make a big splash when she left. I wont spoil it for you, but she may tell Paris to fuck off when she is inevitably eliminated.




Exhibit E: The Hills
Dramites: System Error

This is the birthplace of the drama. These sassy girls and thier boy toys inflict so much drama per epsidoe that our computer systems exploded before the theme song had even started. In its latest, fifth, season we meet Stacie, a sassy bartendress who has boyfriend stealing powers. She inflicts a stab into Heidi and Spencer's (Speidi) already crumbling relationship. Meanwhile Stephanie is fucking up at Peoples Revolution and Lauren has a moustache. Its too much handle on an empty stomach, im getting cheese fries.

And so concludes the exploration into the microcosm of drama. Ill be back next week delving deep into another deep topic.